Line Noise

I've officially graduated from college. Got the letter in the mail yesterday. Whoo.

Well, as I've alluded to in the past few entries, the entry into the workforce has been less than successful. I've yet to find a full time job, but I've purposefully avoiding looking outside of my preferred field and geographic region. I feel like I'm lacking a significant resource when looking for jobs. I've been using backstagejobs and artsearch, but I know there has to be more work out there than just what those two resources show. I've got a small network going, but it's been less that fruitful. I know nothing happens overnight, so I'm giving myself some time to get my name out there, lurk backstagejobs for a while, and paper the chicagoland area with resumes (as the post title implies.)

My problem lately is that a few really appealing positions are available 2+ hours away. Both of which I'd take in an instant were they in Chicagoland, but being distant, I'm not so sure. I know people would say I'm stupid for even considering passing up job opportunities like these because I want to stay close to a particular person, but when being with that person is one of the keys to my happiness? I know having a decent job is another key... right now it's all just chaos in my head, trying to figure out where these priorities lie. I know what I *want,* and I think I know how to get it, I just don't seem to be getting there.

I know a lot of people who are just taking the dive right after they graduate. Getting places and hitting the ground running. Why can't I do that? Is it that I'm too scared to confront the realworld head-on, or that I'm too smart to confront the real world head-on? I don't mean to offend anyone that may read this, but I've got a fiercely independant streak, and I really don't want to be jumping from gig to gig, still living in my parents house, 5 years from now. I don't really even want to be doing that two years from now. I want to be out. NOW. I'm frustrated, and I've been trying to channel that into productivity, but lately it's just been into... I dunno, ambivalence.

I need a job that meets the following criteria:
full time
decently paying
live entertainment tech
variety of events
local

If anyone hears of the perfect job, please let me know?

Besides this job nonsense, which really has been eating up most of my cycles lately, life is realitively good. I know where my next meal is coming from, I have a roof overhead, and a family and SO that support me and love me dearly.

Life with the family has been OK so far; there are some things that I can tell are going wear on me mightily if I let them, especially as time goes on, but I really shouldn't complain much, as they are feeding me and all. I'm watching too much TV, however, because it seems to be the primary way in which my family spends time together. I can't read while the TV's on, and if I leave the room, I get chastized for leaving them, too. At least I've got the wireless, so I can get computer-based things done when I'm hanging out with them, but they're going to have to learn quickly that just because I don't want to stare mindlessly at television programs I don't want to watch, doesn't mean I don't want to see them.

Life with E has been good. I think we're adjusting to my being back alright. I think he's getting enough game time (in fact, he's sitting on the other side of the room doing it right now) at least, I think he'd tell me if he wasn't. I'm getting enough snuggle time. It's kinda rough with me working 5 days of week, only 1 of which we have off in common (and even then, not really, as he could get called away, and has been.) But we've both been making an effort and that's really warm and fuzzy. We want to get a place together, but that can't happen 'til I have a predictable, quality income. Something that's frustrating both of us, I think.

*grinding noise as I change gears completely*

Some of you may have noticed lately that the new haircut isn't the only thing I've been changing about myself lately. I've been making an effort in general, over the past few months, to be less slob-y (for lack of a better term.) I've never been one of the "fashionable" people, but I'm finally learning that I do feel better about myself when I look better. E likes to think that it's his influence, and maybe it is to a certain extent. He once said to me "I'm proud of you, you should be proud of you too." and he was right. I really wasn't taking pride in myself as a person. It's almost as though I was taking conscious steps in the opposite direction in an attempt to avoid what I perceived as rampant vanity amongst females my age.

I'm still a jeans-and-tshirt kinda girl, but they're nicer jeans and t-shirts. I get "dressed up" for the heck of it. I just spent more money than I should have on nice, seasonally-appropriate clothes, and I don't regret it. I hate to admit it, but my mother's probably right, in that part of it is probably just growing up. I think another part is beginning to understand who I am, as opposed to being confident in the fact that I didn't know who I was. I'm a girl that likes to hang out with guys, but is comfortable in her female body and confident and cool enough to be a chick *and* be cool with the guys, as opposed to relying on a sort of gender abiguity to get my foot in the door. I'll never be confused with one of the "fashionable" types, but that's not going to stop me from wearing cute sandals. :)

Who knows, maybe looking good might help me land a job :P

Ryan and his cronies were guilty on all counts. Good. His lawyer's promising an appeal. Oh just suck it up and acknowledge that you did a stupid thing and got caught. Jeeze. Gets me thinking about the next race for governer. I know people aren't too fond of Blago. I'm certainly not fond of his practices involving money, but I agree with him on a lot of the issues, and that's hard to break away from. I suppose as we get closer to election time, I'll have to do a lot more digging and give it a lot more thought.

It's very bizzare to me not to have the built-in school mile-stones anymore. I think that's the biggest adjustment I've faced so far. At school, you're always working toward something - the next big assignment deadline, the end of the term, the end of the year... now I've got, well, nothing to work toward at the moment. It's not good. It's leading me to stagnation. I'm going to spend some of what precious little money I have on books that I want to read in an effort to stoke my fires again. Amazon, here I come.

[Just overheard from the previously mentioned gamer behind me: "I do not feel the need to be all up in that fire elemental's McArea." McArea? Good god. Just when I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, videogames don't rot brains, I hear things like that. *rolls eyes and laughs a little*]

Well. It's been an hour since I started writing this, and I think I'm finally out of steam. I feel like there's more I could talk about, but everything in my life right now seems to revolve around me trying to find a job or not having a job (even if it doesn't) and that's monotonous, even to me, so I'll leave it be for a while. In the mean time, I'll try to lead a more interesting life, so that when I do come back, I'll have something better to talk about.