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30.04.2006
today is (not) like every other day
Not working is boring. At this point, I'd welcome an office job, just for something to do that I don't have to come up with myself.
Today I experienced two drastically different moods. I can't blame it on hormones, 'cuz that's not the way I work. It's mostly me thinking too much. Remember back when I was talking about Autobiography of a Geisha and I mentioned "middle-class guilt"? Or, at least, I think I mentioned it... (I'm too lazy to check at the moment.) Anyway, it's where you're fairly comfortable and for all intents and purposes well off, but you have that internal nagging that says you should be doing better, that you're "better" than a $8/hr job, that you've worked your ass off and god damnit you deserve to be self-sufficient etc etc. And then you get hit upside the head by what feels like a Mack truck but is really just an unassuming 170 page tome? Yeah. That feeling that I have it *too* good; that I'm spoiled by my luxury and I should be happy with what I have etc etc. It really makes you feel like a skunk for lamenting the fact that you don't have the money to buy a new iPod.
It also really makes the jobs search a emotional rollercoaster, let me tell you.
I spent a couple of hours of quality time with the newspaper this afternoon. This is on the heels of a couple of hours of quality time with CareerBuilder the other day. I'm getting tired of this. I'm getting tired of the looking. And the feeling inadaquate. And the uncertainty. I hit a low. It wasn't pretty. Thankfully, I realized this and left, took a drive in the crazy wind and rain, ran some errands, and came back a little better. Now, of course, that I'm sitting here reliving this all again, it's coming back, butI can handle it.
The early evening was spent with the family. The late evening was spent with the family and a book, while trying very, very hard to ignore the TV (there are issues with me and the TV.) Thankfully, I was fairly successful. The book is The Time Traveler's Wife and OMG is it good. I'm reading in a fashion I haven't seen in years. I've read on the order of 150 pages in just a few hours and I'm not done. I'm devowering whole pages at a time and I've lost at least a hour at a time without notice. It's amazing. I feel... invigorated. I feel engrossed in something for the first time in what seems like ages. I realize that in a way, I'm just living vicariously through these characters, and that it's its own form of escapisim, but damnit, it feels good and I missed this. Tomorrow I'll deal with the job search, tonight I'm jumping through time.
Posted by drlynn at 01:55 in "Personal Updates".
Comments
No worries hun. This is where I was in January. May I suggest a temp agency. It will get you out of the house and get you earning some money so that you don't feel as guilty. I wish I could offer more help...but it will get better...I promise. If you need to get out, let me know and maybe we can go out for lunch or something. HUGS!!!!
Posted by: kmanatee at 08:21 on 30.04.2006
Its not clear from your post if you're open to office jobs, or if you just feel like you SHOULD be open to office jobs, but if you are, I can recommend a good Temp Agency in the City.
Posted by: Jake Hebert at 11:48 on 30.04.2006
I know what you mean. I was reading the "guys walks across afganistan" book, and was realizing that you just have to appreciate what you have that is good, and be glad your not living in a muslim medival country with land mines. Because there's nothing you can do about the ww2 geisha's living conditions, or the plight of the afghani mutt. What you can do is live here and now and work on your own life, and appreciate what you have... sorry that lecture wasn't really aimed at you, i was talking to myself.
=)
Posted by: rachel b at 20:06 on 30.04.2006