Line Noise

6.01.2008

donut worry, we iz profesionls

I need to stop constantly looking at lolcats
and get some work done on my website.

By my god they are just TOO CUTE. I want a kitty of my own so bad...

Posted by drlynn at 01:32 | Comments (0)

11.08.2007

holy feces, an update

Wow. What a scab I've been. UF's on a storyline right now about bloggers going on strike, and well, i see that I've been in that spirt for about a month now.

My profuse apologies to anyone that actually reads my blog for substance. I hope for your sake you either use an RSS reader or catch the LJ feed.

That said, life so far has been going better than the pessimist in me would ever have admitted. E and I have been living together for over a month now, and we've yet to kill each other ;) We've had a couple of "getting to know you" moments, but we're both pretty level headed adults and we seem to be working things out quite nicely. (She says thinking she might have just jinxed it. Ah well.) I'm still getting used to the fact that I've truly become an adult in the eyes of the world; telemarketers are calling for me now. I've taken a step to the side of the safety net that's been under me my whole life. It's thrilling and frighting all at once.

I've been working like crazy trying to keep my hours up and thus my income up so that I can continue to pay my newfound bills. Been doing surprisingly well, actually. This summer's been the busiest ever, I think. Welcome to the adult world, as it goes.

I've been slowly making in-roads into the world of lighting design in the suburbs. I've designed a show at Circle Theatre, am currently working on designing a show there, and I have just signed up to design a show there that will open in January. In addition, I've signed up to design my first musical ever, with a company I've never worked with before, in a space that's apparently not well suited to doing modern theatre. Lots of renting will be involved. Exciting!

So far this summer I have seen one of my friends get married off, and next weekend E's sister is going to tie the knot. Friends of friends are having babies and it seems everywhere I look people I know are pairing off, trying to pair off, or spawning. Crazy. Makes me feel... adult.

I still haven't made much progress on my new website. I really should get into that so that I can start putting together a portfolio. If i want to continue to work myself into the lighting design realm, I need a place to champion myself.

That does beg the question - do I want to do lighting design? I seem to be good at it. At least, people tell me that I'm good at it and they keep calling me back. I enjoy it. It seems, though, that path would eventually lead to graduate school, if I ever want to break into it full-time. I'm still not so sure that I want to go to graduate school. Although, E and I have talked about, in that sort of "what if" type way, of relocating someplace new and different, going to grad school might just be a good impetus to do that. Either way, I should spend a few more years building up a name for myself before I look closer at where the next fork in the road will take me.

In the meantime, though, I'm looking hard for a way to replace one of my places of employment. It's become increasingly clear that the environment there is one of which I do not want to be a part. It's certainly not the place that it was when I started working there, as is often the case when you work somewhere for a while, but the changes that have been made, the attitudes I've been seeing in people and the very structure of the organization itself have been weighing on me heavily.

I used to love going to work there, and now I dread it. I feel like I'm selling out going in to work there. I just can't lose the income right now. I recognize that most people don't love their jobs, but in an industry like this, with pay like ours, your love of the job is what keeps you there; it's what drives you to be part of the best crew many tours have ever seen. It's just absolutely amazing that they seem to think that they can fire their crew, ignore the legacy of their time and experience, and expect it to be business as usual.

It's kinda funny, I was talking to a friend recently about the very beginnings of this organization, and they mentioned that at the outset, they had imagined that the TD would be the only paid crew person and that the rest of the crew would be volunteers from the community. At the time, the thought was laughable; you just can't do the schedule and the level of work that they're used to with a volunteer crew. If they keep treating the crew like they do, however, they're going to find that's all they'll have left. It saddens me, really, I love that institution and I don't wish it harm, I never would. I just don't see how it can continue thriving on the path they've put it on.

I recognize that this has been a bit long-winded, but it's a pretty good summary of the events of the last couple of months. I don't have copious time to hang out lately, but I always welcome emails and calls. I really want to keep in touch with you wonderful people.

Posted by drlynn at 18:39 | Comments (0)

16.06.2007

settling in

So, we're officially getting settled in now. We have the cable and internets and everything.

Now if we only had a couch....

Posted by drlynn at 16:08 | Comments (1)

21.05.2007

looking up

Well. Things are looking up. It's been an eventful couple of weeks. There have been a couple of times I've meant to write, but not gotten around to actually doing it.

Tent Meeting went up with absolutely dreadful reviews. Mostly commentary on the script and theme, however. The set and lighting (the one time it was mentioned) were spoken of positively. So I'll mark this in the "Win" column for me. Not sure where to put it for Circle.

I've been working some things through with work. I've written a contract and it's gone over very well, so we're moving on to fine-tune the language. Not to mention that I got a raise (which means independent living is finally in sight!) and one of the "fifth-wheel" crew-member has left the organization. That always helps a lot. I'm getting the distinct impression that I'm seeing different sides of some of the folks involved than others usually see. I'm not sure what to think about that. Will keep posted.

Thing at the other job are OK. I've been trying to "stick with it" as promised, but since the initial push at improvement, I haven't seen much else. I've been getting the impression that the crew is going to be very different at the end of the summer, but no indication that the organization or structure is going to change any. I'll ride it out and see what happens. If nothing else, it's a good experience to have.

In other news, I took my car in last week to get a maintenance check-up and general once-over. In total, all the work that it needs done is about twice the value of the car itself. However, without most of it, it could get some pretty severe damage. So I had them do as much as I could afford then, and I'm scheduling it for the biggie, a new timing belt, next week and I'm shopping around for four new tires. Just as my income was starting to exceed my expenses... oh well. At least I will know that my car's in good running order when it's all over.

In vanity news, as part of my "invest in yourself" new year's resolution, I've taken some steps toward self-improvement that will hopefully bear results by the end of the summer. I've bought dresses for the weddings I'm going to this summer and it's my intent to look stunning in them. I have to fight the urge to buy new shoes. I have shoes that will work with both, but news shoes to go with a new dress, right?

I picked up Bridget Jones's Diary off the library rack at the train station the other day and managed to read half of it yesterday. I'm not thrilled with it, but it's not terrible. I guess, not being a single 30-something, I just can't really relate to the main character. Her narrative writing style reminds me of how several of my friends write in their blogs. Makes me wonder if they've read it or just happen to prefer the partial sentences and stream-of-consciousness of it all.

I should probably get going. I've got to get ready to run a dozen or so lavs tonight. A middle school production of "Beauty and the Beast". It'll be something.

PS: my scroll wheel on my mouse died after many years of good service. Unfortunately, I can't find it for sale anymore. It's the silver MS IntelliMouse optical with the big back and forward buttons under the thumb and the "just enough but not too much" contouring. If you know where I can acquire one, let me know! I don't want to have to try to adjust to a new, more stupid, mouse.

Posted by drlynn at 12:19 | Comments (0)

18.04.2007

No News IS Good News

It's about time that things started turning around. I'm feeling what one might almost call "happy" right now. Even "excited".

They found our minivan! It was towed to an impound in Bensenville, and when they ran the VIN they discovered it had been reported stolen. It's being processed right now, fingerprints and all that, and we should get it back fairly soon. Good news. Although, I get the impression that my parents had sort of resigned themselves to the situation. I think they might have even seen the insurance payout as GIVING them money, and planing to manipulate it, much like we did with the fire. It's an OK idea, but really, we need the reliability of the van, not whatever 2 or 3 k car they might have bought to replace it.

In other good news, I've been throwing myself into the show I'm designing for Circle Theatre right now and I'm very, very excited about it. The production values are going to be really high, even though our budgets aren't. I'm excited about being out in "real world" theatre. I had the realization last night that this is the first time that I've really been part of a professional production team. I'm an adult, considered as one of a group of adults, and I've been ACCEPTED. It's an amazing thing and I'm in love with the rush.

I was telling E about this last night and said that *this* is why I went to college for theatre. *This* is why I work three jobs and long hours. I'd forgotten it. I'd given in to despair, but the creative process has been re-affirming for me. I'm happy and excited again.

If you're in the Chicago-land area, I highly recommend you come to Circle at some point. They do amazing work with limited resources and create fabulous art. Easily accessable by eL! www.circle-theatre.com

That's not to say that the problems that have been concerning me are gone. The fact of the matter is that most of them haven't gotten anywhere. But at the moment, I have neither the time or energy for them. I'm still working on them when I can, but I I'm trying very hard not to let them get to me right now.

Still no progress on the relocation front. It's becoming very apparent that it needs to happen soon, but we've yet to find something suitable and in our price range. We had an interesting proposition floated to us last week, but I don't know that that's going to come through. That's ok. We'll keep looking.

I just got done watching a documentary on Ralph Nader. Boy was that interesting. I hadn't realized how much he'd done, what influence he had in American Politics besides being "that crazy guy that lost Gore the election." Granted, the documentary was obviously made by people that support his positions and mission, but there's a fundamental element about the man's passion and dedication that you just can't skew. Incredibly interesting, and I'm very glad that I saw it. The film's "An Unreasonable Man" and I recommend that you try to find a place to see it. There's another showing at the Raue tonight, but I imagine that you probably won't be able to get there in time. ;)

Since I wrote last, have finished I Am Charlotte Simmons and I do have quite a bit to say about it. Perhaps by the end of the evening, I'll have something up that might be of interest. I'm debating whether I should switch back to non-fiction, as I have a backlog of that lately, or continue with fiction, as I have received several books as gifts within the past couple of months, and it's only polite to read them promptly.

I have also decided that, come hell or high water, I am going to see a concert this summer. I have a little bit of means with which I can do so and I really want to make this happen. Besides, I know that I can write it off on my taxes!

Speaking of taxes, those with complicated situations aside, I just do not understand why it takes people so damn long and so much *anguish* to do their damn taxes! For the vast majority of people, it's a couple of pieces of paper and a math problem and you're done! And with the proliferation of computer-based tax pref utilities, there's even less room to whine in my opinion. So why, in god's name, are the post offices open 'til midnight, and the whole country accept "tax drama" as an acceptable excuse for anything? *sigh*

I'm going to go find some dinner now, and then back to the grind. Take it easy my friends.

Posted by drlynn at 16:38 | Comments (0)

7.04.2007

so much to say...

I really should be writing here more. Not so much to elucidate you fine folks, but as a record of the events of my life. I've been so busy lately, I don't seem to be able to hold onto a thought much longer than an hour before I have to move on to something else. I don't want this to be one of those "I woke up, had Cheerios, petted the cat." type blogs, but I do have interesting things to say, I just need to have the discipline to but my thoughts to pixels more often.

I don't even have a busted computer as an excuse anymore because it's long since been repaired. Or, more accurately the part that was broken (the power supply) has been replaced. Surprisingly, I found one for $50 on newegg. I love newegg.

Things lately have been... eventful. I was informed a couple of months ago that Knox claims that they never received the final payment on my account. They've sent the account to collections. My father said he'd "take care of it" long enough to lose the money order stub. So now I'm taking over and stuck in the unfortunate position of trying to prove we paid it with out proof that we paid it...

The van has not been found. We now have to find another car to buy, while still making payments to pay off the rest of the van. Insurance companies are assholes. I've been feeling kinda guilty lately, because I could theoretically buy a modest car and afford making payments, but then I wouldn't be able to afford anything else, especially moving out.

Speaking of affording things, I've been trying to better my financial position by improving my compensation rates and I've been meeting with little success. I've tried to get a formal review at one of my places of employment and I feel like I'm just getting brushed off by one of the parties involved. It's very frustrating. I applied yesterday for a position at a different performing arts center out here in the 'burbs and their listed starting wage is significantly more attractive. Who knows, maybe I'll finally move on for good. Or just wind up with a fourth job. :\

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately and it's been hard to feel motivated about anything. I've been tired and busy and haven't had much time to deal with things, so I just feel kinda... cornered. E's been great about helping to keep me grounded in reality and i just don't know what I'd do without him.

On a lighter note, and I need to keep things on a lighter note lately, I've been working on another lighting design for Circle, this time for the summer small-space show. It's really exciting getting involved in off-loop theatre like this. I only hope that I can live up to the stellar reputation the Circle has earned for itself. The show is "Tent Meeting" - a show that the Director professes is a comedy, even though I don't quite see it, but I'm willing to work with it and get a better idea. Next week I go in to watch a run-through, the week after that I hang and focus, and the week after that is tech. Needless to say, the next couple of weeks are going to be VERY busy. Thankfully, most the mileage is tax deductible!

I've been reading more lately. I've finished reading "Once Upon a Universe" and now I've moved on to the 700 page mammoth that is "I am Charlotte Simmons." I'm a couple hundred pages from the end and I have to admit that I don't quite get it yet. I've been reading fiction lately because I've been trying to get back in the habit of reading at all, and it's easiest for me to do this with something I can get immersed in.

As I write this I've been watching "Lolita" and I have to admit I just don't get it. I mean, I know he has the hots for the girl, but I just don't get why it's considered so highly. Maybe it was a bigger deal at the time when much more was taboo and never discussed? Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's complete drivel... Anyway. it's yet another in the long list of film classics that I have yet to see. I've slowly been chinking away at them now that I have TiVo and can just search through the movies almost "on demand."

I want to take a moment to point my loyal readers to xkcd, an absolutely fabulous webcomic for those of the mathy-geeky mindset. (Many thanks to TM for pointing me to it. Glad to hear you're healing well!)

But I've put it off long enough, I really need to go do some script work for Tent Meeting. Catch you lovely people later. Hope it's sooner than later ;)

Posted by drlynn at 11:34 | Comments (0)

7.03.2007

cacuphony

PSA: Make sure you update Windows AND Office for the DST change this weekend!

You know how everything seems to happen at once sometimes and you get all overwhelmed and just want to curl up and kind of hide from the world for a while? Yeah, that's me right now.

Last weekend I broke one of the side mirrors off my car. Did it backing out the of the garage. Was trying not to side swipe my mother's car, which was parked too close in the garage to my left, or my brother's car, which was parked too close to my right just outside the garage. Try to cut it out at an angle and managed to catch my mirror on the garbage can that sticks out into the doorway. (I've always thought this was a bad idea, and I'm definitely moving it when I get a new mirror.) So $65 dollars later I managed to find a red, power side mirror for my car on eBay. Hopefully it'll be winging it's way toward me soon. I really did a number on it, too. There was no way that I could get it back together in a manner that would withstand 65mph winds. Ah well.

Additionally, my AC adapter cable for my laptop is dead/dying (it'll still kinda charge the laptop if it's turned off, but the battery is such shit these days, it only lasts about 20 minutes) so my computer is effectively useless until I can get a replacement. I have some juice left in my external battery. but I'm saving it incase there's some data "emergency" and I need to get at it before I can get a replacement cable. I called the manufacturer and they're $92 to replace. Alternatively, I called RadioShack and a generic adapter would be $80-100. I'm temped to just bite the bullet and get the one from Sharp save two factors: a) if it isn't the adaptor and is actually the distribution circuitry in the laptop, I want to be able to take it back easily, and b) the manufacturer won't have any in stock until the end of the month. Yes folks, they are out of stock of something they make exclusively for their products. How retarded is that?

Next on the list: Health insurance. As in, I need to have some. I've (supposedly) been signed up for ICHIP, but it's a giant rip-off and we are still yet to see any proof of coverage. My father's company sells a plan that will actually cover me - it's not fantastic, but it's better than nothing - that's about half the price of ICHIP for about the same benefits. And just today I got a letter in the mail from ECC saying that if I maintain a minimum of 15 hours a week, I can qualify for a health insurance plan for part-timer's there. After a cursory reading, it looks comparable price-wise to what Dad's got to offer, but the details I have are sketchy and more investigating is necessary. Whatever I do, I've got a crap load of money about to be dumped into this and I'm not happy.

Not to mention, with the health insurance expense added to my budget, I can't afford to move out anymore. The real pisser is, I did the math, and if I can average between a dollar and a dollar fifty more an hour everywhere I work, my income would shoot up significantly, and I would be able to afford it. I hate this. I hate money. I hate working three different places and not being able to enjoy actually doing anything with what I earn.

I hate looking for jobs. I have been looking for a job for over a year now. (With short breaks where I'd landed something consistant.) I'm sick of it. I'm tired of sending out resumes with so much as a "Thank you, but we're not interested" in reply. I'm sick of trying to tailor myself to what I think they might be looking for. I'm sick of that false sense of hope with each one that "this may be the one." I'm sick of feeling like I'm selling out, and that if I do take a full time office job to pay that bills, that I'll stagnate there and never find a full-time theatre gig because I haven't "payed my dues" in the lower ranks enough. I'm tired of feeling under-qualified and over-qualified all at the same time.

I'm just plain tired.

I've been typing and erasing all sorts of horribly whiny and emo things in this space. I leave them out so as to sound like many of the LJ set. Boy those people can annoy the piss out of me.

We were out of handsoap in the bathroom, so I used shaving cream to wash my hands. Remember the days of using shaving cream to wash your desk at the end of a school year when you were a kid? or was that just me and my strange Michigan upbringing? Well, regardless, I now smell all sexy-freshly-shaven-guy-like and I have this weird urge to jump my own bones.

That makes two non-traditional soap usages in as many days. Yesterday morning in the shower, my sleep-addled brain thought shampoo was body wash. Lovely. I smelled like E all day, because we use the same shampoo. It was kinda nice...

Well, my fingers hurt cuz this keyboard is stupid and I should go to bed, as I've got an early call tomorrow morning.

Catch ya'll on the flip.

Posted by drlynn at 21:22 | Comments (0)

24.02.2007

Much Better than the Worst

So, two in almost as many days. What's gotten into me, you say? I'm feeling better than I have in a while and I wanted to share.

I mentioned in my previous post that I was going to be addressing some of my work issues with my supervisor. Well, I did. I worked up the courage to talk to him and it went, I think, very well. I might have sounded a little paranoid or whatever, but I think I managed to justify my concerns about the personnel issues that are the big ones that have been bothering me and I was glad to find that i wasn't completely making this stuff up and that he was well aware of it. I feel so much better now knowing that he's very much interested in solving these problems. Mostly they're ones of attitude among the crew. There's a strong "clique" mentality. A lot of the people on the crew have been working there for several years, and they're very much in the habit of things. They don't seem to have much interest in bringing anyone into the fold. And then don't seem to have any interest in doing anything more than the absolute minimum to get the job done. No one seems to have passion for or take pride in the work. There are a lot of unresolved staffing issues. The folks that are "supervisors" aren't great at it and there's still an unfilled shop foreman position that would go a long way to straightening out this situation.

So basically, the culmination of the conversation was "yes, I know it sucks, it's been sucking for me too. Stick with it and it'll get better". So I will. I'll stick with it and see what happens. I'm considering applying for the Shop Foreman position. It's not an ideal career, but it would be a step up. I looked into it a while ago, and I seem to recall not thinking I'd be qualified (or particularly interested), but I'll look into it again if it means I might be able to help improve the situation of things there. Then again, if I apply and get it over some of my coworkers who I know have applied, it might get... hairy. I suspect that at least one of the coworkers who applied will quit if he doesn't get it, so he could solve my problem for me... I don't know. It'll take some thinking.

But I'm definitely feeling better. The big paycheck I got from the Raue yesterday certainly helped. I only wish I could get checks like that more often.

Right now I'm feeling particularly bad about the fact that I can't go down to Rep Term. I really, really wish that I could, but it definitely snuck up on me and I can't afford to take the time off and spend money going down there. But I really, really want to be there and see what all those talented people have come up with. So it hurts, and I'm really sorry, guys. I'm not even sure where I would stay if I went down there...

Well, I should probably get ready for work. I've got to go work the silly film series at the Raue. Don't even get me started. Catch ya on the flip.

Posted by drlynn at 10:31 | Comments (0)

22.02.2007

standing transitions

Greetings. I'll admit, I've been horribly remiss in updating this thing lately. My last entry was over a month ago, and everything's fallen off my front page. Believe me when I say that it's not for wont of things to talk about, but quite the opposite. I've been so busy lately between dealing with work and my increasingly... complicated... family situation that I honestly just haven't had time to breathe, let alone try to coalesce my thoughts into a form that would make sense to my gentle readers.

In brief: I'm still underpaid, although recent calculations have me averaging about 37 hours of gainful employment a week for the last few months. This is good. I still have no idea where I fit into the scheme of things at ECC and I am continually frustrated by the apparent lack of initiative or drive on the part of my coworkers and supervisors. I intend to attempt to address this tomorrow in my afternoon off. Yes, I have the afternoon off. Which is disconcerting really, because it means that I am not working. Catch-22. A problem that one of my supervisors seems to fail to recognize. We don't get vacation days in the trenches. If we don't work, we don't eat. Suck on that one, asshole.

ANYWAY. My increasingly frustrating work issues aside, I do have some good work-related news. I recently was asked to do the lighting design for my first "real-world" semi-professional show! I'm very excited. Especially about the fact that they'll be paying me more than just enough to say they did! Very exciting, this. Once I know more and have some ideas, I'll update you.

The beginning of the month saw a fat tax return hit my wallet in the form of a wire transfer from the Feds. I love doing my taxes as early as possible. Means I get my money back LIGHTENING fast. For the government, that is.

With my tax return I bought myself some new toys and work-related fun stuff (that I can write off on next year's taxes!) I have recently acquired a 2GB memory card for my phone, new drill and driver bits for my screw gun, misc. black clothing for work, new shoes, and a 250GB external hard drive so I can finally create independent backups of all the computers in my household and rebuild the unstable mess that the family computer has become. Happiness is free space to play.

With my tax return I have also purchased for myself a domain name. Yep. You gots it, I now have my own little place on the web. E's hosting my site since his current provider is just throwing space and bandwidth at him, so it's only costing my the domain reg. fees to set up. The plan is to use WordPress to act as CMS for what I hope to be a nice and shiny online portfolio. I have had trouble lately getting myself into this project - it delves into technologies that I don't know and exposes the inadequacies of my web design skills, making me kinda uncomfortable while working on it. I kinda just wish that I could have someone else do it for me, but I really can't afford to pay in anything but gratitude, and that doesn't pay the bills.

I'm not going to give out my URL right away. I want to make sure that I've got something up worth looking at. I'll also be making business cards that I can distribute containing this information. Should be good. :)

Also with my Tax Return Fat Cash, I fixed the heat in my car. Chicago-area types recall the subzero temps we've had the last few weeks? Yeah. I've lived through them with no heat. Thanks to E for the donation of those self-heating glove and shoe packs. They saved my toes numerous times this month. First the fan motor resistor dies, I order a new one and get it fixed (almost a three-week process due to dealers losing parts) and then the switch in the dash that controls the fan motor dies. Another two week process. But $250 later it all works. Just in time for the 50 degree weather. I swear, the next car I buy is going to be RECENT and POPULAR so getting parts like this will no longer be the nightmare it is now. Small problems aside, however, it has been and is a great car to me. Runs well (knock on wood. KNOCK ON WOOD!) and doesn't complain much, so I'm grateful for it.

Things on the relationship front are going really well. Easily the best thing I've got going in my life right now. I love The Boy; he does wonders for me and I only hope I can do the same for him. We're not without our scuffles, but we're great about talking things through and we always seem to come out stronger on the other side. We still are trying to find a place together, but our busy schedules combined with the derth of not-rediculously-expensive housing in the area we're looking to move to has slowed our progress. If any of my noble readers have an idea about where we should be looking in the far northwest suburbs, or a lead on an apartment finding service, that would be stellar. Every day gives me more and more reasons to believe that I need to get out of this house and keep moving on with my life.

I had the realization the other day that I'm quickly approaching the "one year since I left college" mark and I'm kinda unnerved. What have I done with that year? Honestly, it doesn't feel like much. I've gotten some connections to Chicago theatre, but I'm not sure that's where I want to be. I've applied to and not gotten many jobs, some that I did want and several that I didn't want but that would pay the bills. I landed a temp-to-hire job with people that I love who can't afford to bring up even to half-time but I'd feel guilty leaving because they've otherwise been REALLY nice to me.

And I've gotten another year older.

I've realized that there's this strange sort of plateau when it comes to birthdays. (Most) people when they're little kids are very excited about their birthdays, especially as they get older and get closer to the milestones of 18 and 21. But after 21, it starts to plateau. You don't really care anymore, but you're still in your twenties/early thirties and you don't particularly care. And then it starts going down again, because the estimated years you have left are less than the ones you've had already. I realize that this isn't a particularly new idea, or a particularly profound one, but it has a new-found relevance for me, so you'll have to excuse my exploration of the concept.

Boy, do I need to read and write more. I keep forgetting that I actually do have a bit of grace and eloquence to my writing, when I actually know what the hell I'm talking about. And I need to keep reading to keep my critical thinking sharp and to continue to give myself things to talk about. ;)

Lately, my time's been filled more and more with television, a state I begrudgingly admit is noone's fault but my own. Lately I've been working late and getting up early, and by the time I have a few minutes to myself at night, all I want to do is switch off and let someone else do the thinking for me. There's a reason TV is the balm of the middle class and I've found it.

That, and there are a couple of REALLY GREAT show on now. I hope this means that the Network Execs have realized that not everyone is captivated by people voluntarily trapping themselves on an island and eating bugs while running around half-dressed.

Ah, but look at me, I've gone and vomited prose all over your screen. My apologies. If you've stuck with me this far, you must be a trooper and I salute your efforts.

One thing that I have noticed that my life has been lacking lately is social contact. There was a period of a few months in which my life was a flurry with dinner dates and social gatherings, but lately my event calendar is barren. I would suspect that it has something to do with my failed attempts at outing-planning falling flat on their face. That, and the fact that a lot of what people do to be social involves spending money, something which few that I know have to toss around. So, gentle readers, if you have any low/no cost ideas, please lay them on me.

For now, I need to get to bed. I have to be up in about 6 hours to get ready for "the day job" so sleep is calling my name. I want you to know that I miss you all and that I feel terrible about not getting out to see any of you lately. Please drop me a line and I'm sure that we can work something out!

Take care and good night!

Posted by drlynn at 23:36 | Comments (1)

26.12.2006

Before Giftmas and After

Alright, so it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. A long while. I will not feel guilty. Will not. Will Not. WILL NOT.

OK so maybe I do. A little.

But only because I still harbor the dying idea that people still read this looking for updates and intellectual stimulation.

To be honest with you, I haven’t written much lately because when I haven’t been working, I’ve been too worn out to do much of anything else. I’ve barely been able keep on top of reading my periodicals before the next issues arrive, let alone making much headway on anything new. Hence, the lack of “Reading List” posts lately (although another one or two should be showing up shortly, I’m using my week off as a chance to try and catch up on my reading.)

So what have I been up to lately, you may ask? Well, I’m still working part time for two theatres, each with their own shares of stresses. I’ve been having anxiety dreams about one of them for a couple of days now. I’m actually not too concerned about it outside of my dreams, but I think that the under-riding uncertainties and anxieties are trying to work their way out somehow. In addition to the theatres, I’m still working part-time for the United Way on top of that. I have to say that it’s really nice to have a consistent amount of hours to count on, and the paid vacation/holiday that I’m enjoying this week, but I have to admit that it would be nicer if I could have a few more hours…

Not to mention benefits. Friggin’ benefits. If anything is seriously worrying me, it’s that. After the first of the year, like so many of my peers, I will no longer be carried by my parent’s insurance. I tried to apply for my own plan, but no one will insure me unless they have to. Which means I HAVE to find a job that offers insurance. In the meantime, I’ve (supposedly) been picked up by ICHIP, which is a state-run program designed for high-risk people (i.e VERY expensive.) I say supposedly, because certain people don’t have the greatest track record when it comes to that sort of thing. They’ll be paying the bills (again, supposedly) but I don’t feel great about that but I know that I can’t afford to pay for it by myself, even if I don’t have any other expenses. Even with ICHIP, I don’t have dental or vision, and with my teeth liking to rot out of my head, I definitely need dental. How discouraging. It doesn’t look like there are that many dental insurance plans out there anymore, and for most of them you have to carry the company’s health plan, too. There are a lot of “reduced price plans” where you pay a fee to get a card that gets you lower prices for service, but I’m still not sure about that. They’re cheaper than insurance but the benefits aren’t so good.

Sometimes, I hate being an adult.

I filled December with doctors appointments and dentists appointments, and a new lenses for my glasses, in an effort to take advantage of the last vestiges of my insurance. Needless to say, it’s been an expensive month. Add to that the holidays, and one of my jobs STILL not paying me what I was promised. And recently, with the weather warming up, my brakes don’t feel right and I’ve got to get them looked at tomorrow. STRESS.

I still live with my parents. I still want to move out. I’m still going crazy because I can’t yet.

More recent history was “Giftmas” as an acquaintance of mine termed it over on LJ. The holiday season has been the brightest spot in my life lately. I’ve said it before, but I am so grateful that I can spend the holidays with not only my immediate family, but also with the non-relative I hold near and dear to my heart. We’ve had some stimulating conversation on the nature of our own philosophies regarding the cause of the holiday in question, as well as the larger related issues and its comforting to find someone who is close enough to not drive me crazy with hair-brained ideas, but different enough to question them and force me to articulate myself. Maybe I’ll write a post at some point attempting to fully explicate my neo-agnostic, slightly Cartesian and undeniably Eastern-influenced ideas.

Or maybe I’ll just get lazy and not do it.

Anyway, back to Giftmas. Those that I love were very very good to me this year. The family gave me numerous goodies, the nicest of which is a new leather messenger bag to replace the frumpy cloth one that I’ve been carrying around for two years. The frumpy one will be relegated to work-only duty because I’ll be damned if the new one’s going to touch anything at work. Filthy heathens we are.

But, falling into the “I’m the luckiest girl on Earth” category – E has helped me to acquire a new phone. And not just any phone. The Treo 700p. A little device sent from heaven to help me keep track of a life of ever-increasing complexity. I am so excited, the thought of it just makes me grin, even in spite of the hellish day I had trying to return/exchange things today. I thought that today, being a weekday, it wouldn’t be so bad, but boy was I wrong.

As I read about the exploits of my friends and cohorts, I am glad that everyone seems to be hanging in there alright. I have to say that I admire the strength and conviction of those of you who have taken that leap out into the world and started in your own way to take it by storm. I also admire those of you continuing your education – something I was so sick of by March that the thought of going back still isn’t met with much more that a squeamish feeling in the guts.

No matter what your exploits this year, and this holiday season, I wish you all nothing but the best. I hope you have safe travels and the best karma going into the new year.

PS: If you've gotten this far, I commend you. If you're reading this off a feed, or you're oblivious and haven't seen it on my page yet, you might want to take a look in the left column at the Google Reader feed I've set up. Yet another slick thing from the folks at Google Labs. If the did it right, they could give M$ a serious run for their money.

Posted by drlynn at 21:58 | Comments (0)

17.10.2006

quick check in

I post mostly because I don't want to be a hypocrite. I personally hate it when people let everything fall off their front page, and I've done that myself. To avoid hating myself, I post an update. Ah webpage guilt, the blight of the 21st century.

Anyway, belated birthday wishes to myself (woo) the day itself was spent working, but it wasn't unpleasant. Had a nice meal out with the fam+1, and general good cheer at being another calendar year older.

Happiness is two new sets of 550/600 thread count sheets. :)

Otherwise, working three jobs, and thinking that this really sucks. Although it's nice that my income is finally exceeding my expenses.

Made my first college loan payment. Feeling a bit of buyer's remorse on that one, can't deny it.

Otherwise, the general status of my life is tired but happy. Now I go back to work.

Posted by drlynn at 10:15 | Comments (0)

24.09.2006

ye gods, the update!

[Please pardon any typos I don't catch. I laid my index finger open on a can earlier this evening and am now typing with one fewer finger than usual. -ed]

Holy crap, was that a long week. I woke up on Saturday trying to figure out why I felt so tired (besides the fact that I got precious little sleep friday night and then worked all day). I opened up my calender to check something and realized that I worked every day for six days straight and a couple of days at more than one job. Crazy me. Hopefully it'll help pay the bills at least.

The past two days have been nice, vegging out and catching up on my sleep. I'm glad I have plans for tomorrow, though, or I might just go stir crazy.

Quick recap of the week: new guy started at work - seems cool, army reserve, friendly; worked a couple of days at ECC - cleaning lights with people younger than me - still don't know how I feel about that whole situation; campaign kick-off lunch for UW at the Rainforest Cafe on thursday - kicking myself for not asking about a soundsystem. Noone could hear a damn thing, should have brought one myself, lame dessert, but good food; worked a call at Steppenwolf on Friday- yes, that Steppenwolf, not sure how I felt about that, outside of the ME and LD, I felt like one of the most qualified people there, afterwards, dinner and hookah with M, P & CE, tasty tasty Moroccan food. Will do again.

But back the Steppenwolf thing for a minute - It was a very weird call because the ME had to throw it together at the last minute, so I got the impression that a couple of these folks were only there because they said yes (myself included?) The overall experience level was a lot less than what you would expect such a name to draw, unless of course, some of the things I've heard about working there are true. The call was mostly females, which was interesting enough, and with exception of a few people, the pace of the work that was getting done was verrrryyyy slllooooww. A large part of which I blame on their stupid cable labeling. Now, I'll grant you that it kinda makes sense to label instruments with their channel numbers so it's easier to make sense out of it when you're in the midst. However, what does not make any sense whatsoever is labeling your EXTENSION CABLES with CHANNEL numbers. Especially not when you're working in a space like the upstairs theatre.* Suddenly you have no idea whether it's dimmer 25 you're holding in your hand or channel 25 from some show long gone. So you spend time figuring all that out when you should be moving on with your life. I'm pretty sure it's an east coast school thing and it really pisses me off.

But it was a day of work at what I suspect to be a good rate, so I really shouldn't complain that much.

So now I've caught up on my recorded shows from during the week, I've started re-reading Wicked because E and I are going to see it for our anniversary next month. *grin* It's hard for me to get excited about seeing a musical, but it's not hard to get excited about what's reported to be a very, very good show and a nice night out with E.

Looking forward to that, my birthday, and finding some exciting jobs to apply to have given me a much more positive outlook that I've had for a while. A week ago I sort of had a meltdown after seeing The Last Kiss (good movie, not so uplifting) because I guess I'd been driving myself crazy trying to internalize all the stress and angst of the past few months (you, my dear readers, have only gotten a taste.) Of course, I would do this in E's car in a parking lot, because I have a tendency to do this sort of thing in parking lots, apparently. But now that I've gotten it all out, I do feel better, more productive. I just need to stop setting deadlines for myself without letting myself slack off. Tricky, but I'll see what I can do.

So now, I slip back into the obsecurity of the Internets.

Confidential to RB: Are you still living with your sister? Do you have a cell phone yet? How should I get into contact with you? I miss you!

* The upstairs theatre at Steppenwolf used to be a studio/black box space so it has an open grid and power distributed evenly around the space. A few years ago they renovated it into a procenium space by adding nice risers to one end and a stage to the other. So now there's a dearth of power over the stage and plenty over the house where it's not needed. They "solved" this problem by running trunks of extension cable forward. Extension cable with incrediably ambiguous labeling.

Posted by drlynn at 21:37 | Comments (1)

6.09.2006

finding a new groove

Greetin's all. Thanks to you wonderful folk that responded to my last post. I've definately been feeling low lately because of all this, your encouragement is much appreciated.

Formicans closed without much fanfare. I'm going to miss certain cast members quite a bit. Hopefully I'll be able to track their movements through the Chicago theatre scene. I have to admit that I was ready for the run to end. It's very draining to go do a show for only a handful of people, half of whom leave at intermission, even if it is a good show. Overall, I think it was a positive experience, and certainly a good learning experience. Circle must have liked me because they've been in contact with me about other shows. We'll have to see...

About the "job change" reference I made last week: I've accepted the offer to work at Elgin Community College for their theatre department. I'm nervous about starting at a new place, but I'm excited about the opportunity to work someplace new, meet new people, etc etc. One step closer to self-sufficiency!

In other news, I have been having a couple of great weeks. This weekend saw a group of us up at Great America. Are you sitting down? You should be sitting down for this: I rode rollercoasters. Plural. Crazy, no? Granted, they're generally considered the "tame" ones, but for me, let me tell you, it was an experience. I have to admit that I did enjoy them and I don't regret a thing. The things we do for the ones we love ;P

Overall, a good time was had by all. Next summer I HAVE to get my shit together and go to that new waterpark in Great America. They seemed to have a bunch of cool stuff and I don't get to water parks nearly often enough.

E's sister is engaged. She's a year older than me and she and her boy have been dating about as long as E and I have. Add this to the steadily growing list of peers tying the knot. How do I feel about this whole thing? Well, I'm not in any big rush to get hitched. Sometimes I'm a little concerned about the parties involved. Sometimes, I'm simply jealous of the stability and assurance they possess. (No, this does not mean I'm not sure about my current relationship. We're talking things in general here.) The whole thing gets me all thinky.

And, of course, there's a bit of girl in me that squeals and wants to look at pretty dresses. *sigh*

All-in-all, my outlook is significantly more positive now than it was a few weeks ago. I'm looking forward to having an autum that doesn't involve the dread of going back to school. It's very bizarre getting updates from my friends still in school, and those going on to grad school. It's not nearly as disorienting as I expected it to be. Maybe because I finally have some confidence about what I'm doing this fall.

Most of all, I look forward to maybe actually having time to enjoy the fall weather. It's my favorite season for many reasons, the least of which is a manageable temperature range. (She says from in front of the computer in the office...)

I've also recently decided that I really should get my act together and get a digital portfolio up on the internets. When I do this, I want to get my own domain. I'm thinking "BlueEyesDesigns.com" what do you folks think? If I get it through GoDaddy, then I can get email address forwarding, so I can put "chelsea@Blue....com" on my business cards.

Business cards, something I've been spending a lot of time on lately - I've been working with the "blue eyes" theme, but I can't decided if they're cool or creepy. More variations need to be generated before I can make a final decision. The idea is, then, that I make these business cards and hand them out to everyone I ever cross paths with. Should be a good way to gather some cred, right? Let's hope so.

Changing tracks completely - I've been reading two books lately, but I have yet to finish either one. Because I'm a hobo (as E might say.) I started A History of God a while back and was reading steadily for a while (yay train time) but it started to feel like reading for class (i.e. interesting, but my brain wanted to do something else.) So I switched to Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell and I'm steadily making progress through that. Neither one of these are short books and my reading speed just isn't want it used to be. Daily I'm encouraged by the stack of unread books that currently grace my desk. Progress is being made! Reading List updates will be had soon enough, I promise.

Speaking of reading, and making more time for reading... when I first got my TiVo I was all excited about setting up season passes to catch shows that I like. I set up a whole bunch with the idea of building up a cache to watch when the mood strikes me. Lately, I've noticed that what happens is something in my brain says "you've still got stuff on here - you need to watch it!" and instead of being productive, I wind up watching re-runs of the Simpsons that I've seen a million times. No more. I'm going to be deleting season passes for shows that have been cancelled and changing those for shows still running to catch only new episodes. Me, the person who "didn't watch TV" complaining about watching too much TV. Stranger things have happened.

Now all I need to do is stop spending money. I'm not living outside my means, but I've got no cushion right now, which doesn't help when you're trying to save up for a couple of large purchases (phone, ipod) and expenses (security deposit, etc.)

Anyway, I've been blathering enough, I think. I'll stop tiring your eyes now. Take care all. Catch ya on the flip.

Posted by drlynn at 12:48 | Comments (1)

23.08.2006

Networking 101

So it's been a while. I can actually say that I haven't been updating lately because I've been busy. I finally found a part time job (yay for temping!) but it's only through mid-October. I've also had a couple of promising interviews lately. One pretty much offered me a job akin to what I have at the Raue right now, but a lot closer to my house. (Which is, of course, moot if I move up the the CL area...) So now I'm waiting to get wage numbers from the new guys to compare.

Home-wise, things are ok. This is the longest I've lived with my family in seven years and we haven't killed each other yet. My parents seem to be respecting my independance and not getting upset with me for being not here a lot and in return, I've been doing my best to help out around the house, and be social every now and then. So far, so good.

I'm a bit concerned about my car - I need an oil change, my brakes looked at, and my tires rotated, but I can only afford the first. Also, I have a need for a lot of dental work, but also no money for it. *sigh*

So far I've determinded that I need to make at least $12.75/hr for at least fourty hours a week if I want to move out. (Only a little less if I can find a place with super-cheap rent.) I have this horrible unsettling feeling that I'm not going to reach that any time soon. Which really sucks. There's very little that I want more in my life right now than my own place (with roommate, presumably.) But if I were to move out, I know that I can't count on my parents for help.

It just sucks that it feels like I have to compromise myself in terms of my professional worth (ie wage) to work a job that I actually /enjoy/ doing.

You folks that are living on your own, how the hell do you do it? I know roommates help, but by my numbers, even with a roommate, it's just so unreachable. Any advice you have to give would be greatly appreciated.

Money woes aside, there isn't much left in my life. :\ My mood's been real up and down depending on this stuff. The whole job search is just wearing on me emotionally and intellectually. I sometimes feel like noone wants to employ me and sometimes I'm on top of the world. We'll see how the rest of the week goes...

I've been spending a lot of QT with E and that's great, and met up with M a couple of times, but I haven't been spending much time with anyone else, and I'm kinda feeling undersocialized... So, you people! Do things with me!

Labor day weekend I've got plans to go to Great America and hang out with some folks (for free, apparently!) and that's very promising. I've got a couple other "we should do this" dates set, but nothing in stone at the moment.

For now, however, I'm headed out for the evening. I'll try to update ya'll on my life more often, 'cuz I know the suspense is killin' ya.

Posted by drlynn at 16:59 | Comments (3)

31.07.2006

vacation!

We're on vacation. It's short, but fabulous. We're here. (Be warned: it'll resize your window. Such bad webdesign.) I have the Best Boyfriend Evar.

Oh, and we're current sitting side by side on the couch, laptops out, reading webcomics etc with the resort's free highspeed. It's a match made in heaven, really.

Posted by drlynn at 23:28 | Comments (0)

25.07.2006

whirlwind

What an absolutely crazy couple of weeks I've had.

The week before last was tech week for Formicans. Rehearsals every evening. I know I shouldn't complain as I've certainly had worse, but there's also lots of commuting and stress at home. There's no shortage of drama in the cast/company, not unexpected, mind you. But it keeps you on your toes.

Now the show's up, though, and going fairly well. It's an interesting story. The tale of a suburban family dealing with problems of head and heart, all seen though the eyes of a group of aliens. (I know, I had you 'til "aliens", didn't I?) If you're in the area, I would recommend it. It's still good despite its weirdness. Let me know you're coming and we can go out for a drink across the street after the show.

Back to the home front: we've finally moved. I realize that for some of you, saying "finally" might not make any sense, because last I wrote here, I had no idea when we'd be moving. Well, it turns out that we needed to be out of the house by the 24th, regardless of whether we would be able to sell it. So we spent the last two weeks moving out. Lacking sufficient funds to pay to have all of our seemingly endless supply of crap moved professionally, we did most of the moving ourselves (with the help of my absolutely amazing significant other.) It was stressful, emotional, and at times unbearably hot, but now it's done.

The "settling in" part of moving is going alright for me, but not so great for others in my family. Moving to a house half the size of the one previous has left us with entirely too much stuff. (Not that we didn't have too much stuff to begin with, but at least we had places to store it before.) There's still a lot of emotion tied up in this. I mean, when you've lived in your "dream home" for ten years, and then for all intents and purposes get screwed out, it sucks a lot. But we'll get by. It's just kinda overwhelming for some right now.

Personally, I'm doing better than I thought I would be. I'm dealing with issues of anger and guilt (mostly anger). I went to the house one last time yesterday, took some pictures, and said my thank yous and good byes. I'm sure at some point, in the next few days, when I start to get comfortable driving to the new place, I'll get tired or not pay attention and wind up driving to the old place. And trying to remember all the places I need to change my mailing address. Crazy. I've gotten through with no small thanks to E, for his support, and the numerous friends who've lent an ear for me to vent.

If you want my new mailing address, please let me know and I'll email it to ya.

There have been some good things coming out of this. Like I've implied, we've gotten rid of a lot of extra stuff, and we're planning a HUGE garage sale. We've got a whole garage full of stuff (that's not crap, like you usually see at garage sales) that should garner us a little cash, at least.

And, we might just wind up with a broadband connection. There are benefits to moving closer to civilization.

That said, I'm getting tired, so I'm going to go to bed. I've got work at the Raue tomorrow (yay money!) and I've still got lots of organizing and related stuff to do.

Have a good night; let me know what's up with you!

Posted by drlynn at 23:21 | Comments (0)

2.07.2006

city girl

Well, the days surrounding my last post were certainly not the best I've had in a while. The last few days have been better, though. I've had some time to deal with things, talk it out with a few wonderful people, and I'm feeling a lot better.

I've been keeping really busy, with rehearsal for Formicans (we have postcards, now! send me your address if you'd like one!) and I've been making a concentrated effort to be social and productive - not just spend my time poking at the internet and watching TV.

I've started taking the train into the city for rehearsals. I'll admit, driving is a little more convienent, but I absolutely love having that hour to read on the train. I'm finally caught up on my back issues of Wired and I'm carrying around an honest-to-God book again. The only problem I have with the train now is that the timing isn't spot on, but I really can't complain about that. It just means that my commute takes a little bit longer. And there's just no beating the price, especially on the weekends - $5 for a weekend pass and free parking at the station. I haven't had to fill up in a week. *happiness*

Happiness also comes in the form of Q.T. with the boy and Q.T. with friends. Friday night E and I went to see Click, while I'll admit was better than the critics laid it out to be. There wasn't anything terribly suprising about the story, and I kinda had it pegged from the very beginning, but that's OK. Besides, Christopher Walken as the angel of Death? (and yes, I know that's a hoax. I only wish is wasn't ;)Add to that good food and good company, and you have the makings of a great evening.

Yesterday saw me back in the city in the morning for rehearsal, but we were done by 2p, leaving plenty of time for hanging around with M.

We went and saw An Inconvienent Truth - which is basically a movie version of the slideshow Gore's been giving for years about the "climate crisis" (tactfully avoiding the phrase "global warming.") There wasn't much information there, science-wise, that I didn't already know. I was impressed with how plainly and truthfully the information was presented. I think he did a good job presenting the scale and urgency of the situation while avoiding exaggeration and overstatement. I think everyone in the country should see this movie. I think they should buy prime-time slots at the same time on all the networks and broadcast this.

It was interesting listening to the reactions of the girls sitting behind us. They obviously hadn't heard all of this information before, and were clearly affected by it (if their constant commenting was any indication...)

After the movie, much wandering occured, and much good conversation. M insisted we eat at Kyber Pass, since I've never had Indian food before, so we did and it was yummy. Didn't see the belly dancers (though I've been told they're not much worth seeing) but much more thought-provoking conversation was had and plans were hatched for later debauchery.

Today, I am faced again with a list of jobs that I should apply for and a host of show-related paperwork to make and update. But all is well for now.

Tomorrow will be the first of two days off in a row (I really haven't had that in a while). Going up to visit E's fam tomorrow, and maybe catch the Superman movie and play with bottle rockets. Horray for holidays!

Posted by drlynn at 13:41 | Comments (0)

27.06.2006

well, damn.

So. This seems to be a summer full of change, for others, and for myself. I expected some changes, I was preparing for some changes, but lately, life seems to be punishing me for getting complacient.

Some of you may know that my home life has been less than fantastic lately. We've been dealing with a lot of issues and a lot of stress. Just recently, we learned that we're going to have to move before the end of the summer. The build up to this was slow, and we really should have seen it coming, but we didn't, we weren't prepared, and now it's all got to happen SOON.

It's really overwhelming. I have to admit. I was/am planning on getting my own place sometime soon, but I think that part of what made that idea a comfortable one to live with was the idea that home would still be there. Well, home's changing. I know that they say "home is where the heart is" but honestly, after ten years, I've grown a bit attached to the physical place, too. Right now, I'm just sort of in a haze - we're dealing with it the best we can, starting to look for a new place somewhere in the area. (Harder than you'd think; it needs to be in the same school district, take multiple pets, and be big enough for all of us.)

If you want more info about what happened, get in touch with me. I don't really want to get into more here.

What I do want to get into now is this: before we go, we're going to have one HELL of a party. This is the plan. Mark the date on your calendar: July 16. It's a Sunday. A year to the date from the party we had last year, only this one's gonna be HUGE. My goal is to pack the place. A sort of "Pack the place before we pack up" party. Sounds like a good idea to me. We're thinking a HUGE bonfire (everything we don't want to move... heehee), music, lights, drinking, dancing, and general debauchery.

So mark your calendars, bring some booze and food. (Our goal is to not have to spend any money, since we're, well, fucking broke.) But I would really, really love to have your company to help say goodbye after ten years, to such a great house.

Posted by drlynn at 00:01 | Comments (0)

4.06.2006

gradumacation

So now I'm officially, undeniably graduated from college. They even gave me this swell piece of paper to commerate the day. Fancy that.

It's kinda strange in its complete non-climaticness. It was nice having the extended family here. I don't get to see them nearly often enough. Having them around meant that I didn't get to spend as much time with my friends, though. I'm sorry if I didn't get to see many of you folks. Please don't hesitate to drop me a line, because I really do want to see you!

With the family and graduation, it's been a whirlwind of a weekend. To top it all off, I had my first night of rehersal tonight at Circle Theatre in Forest Park. Everyone seems really great, and it's a nice, cozy space. We've got about a month and a half of rehersal, then run for about a month and a half, closing August 27. So at least I'll have something to keep me busy when the Raue's slow. Whee! (If only it paid better...) The real good news is I'm an independant contractor, which means according to the IRS I'm self-employed and can write off a whole bunch of stuff on my taxes.

Speaking of money, I'm debating whether I should buy a Treo 650... I love my i500 so much, but the poor dear's really on its last legs, and I'd hate for it to die when I don't have cash to replace it, as it is my life-line. Now that I think about it, since I use it for work, I could write off a percentage of it, of my phonebill, too, for that matter.

Time to find a tax consultant.

Well, I mean, that's a job for a later date. It's really time for me to go to bed. Yay bed.

Posted by drlynn at 23:54 | Comments (0)

27.05.2006

dirt under my nails

Wow. The last few weeks have just flown by. Just flown by. I realized this afternoon that I hadn't gotten back to Pheasant Run to visit the Twelfth Night folks and now it's too late. The show closed today. Boy do I feel like a scab.

Things around home have been kinda crazy lately. With a lot of the extended family coming in for graduation, the parents have gone into overdrive. Not only is a thurough cleaning on the agenda, but we've also been working on projects such as resurfacing the driveway, cleaning and painting the deck, re-laying the brick on the front walk, and various planting, weeding, and fix-it type activities. Indentured servitude.

I feel bad because they are throwing this gathering in my honor and (mostly) paid for the college education this party's honoring, but none of this was my idea, and I'm trying desprately to have a life... Not to mention that I suck at weeding and would rather do just about anything in the world. Still, I am The Good Daughterand help out to the best of my ability. I can't wait until this is over...

On a more positive note, I am now a professional stage manager. I've just landed a gig at the Circle Theatre (off-off-loop). Should be fun. It's a short run (about a month) and a relatively small show. Have I mentioned that I haven't actually stage managed a full show before? Um. Yeah. This will be fun. A fantastic experience to be sure, but I'm quite nervous. I'll get by.

Other news on the employment front - I was called recently and asked to interview for an ATD position in Bloomington. I drove down and interviewed with them on Friday. What an amazing space! They're renovating the entire theatre building and creating a whole cultural center around it. Lots of resources, lots of space. The TD seemed like a nice enough guy. The position would be fun and challenging. The problem is, it's two and a half hours away... There's one very big (well, tall) reason for me to stay up here. I can't expect him to drop everything he's got going and move down with me... so I've got a lot on my mind... But I shouldn't get ahead of myself, it's not like they made an offer.

Otherwise, well, I guess there isn't much. I'm prety much just living day to day. I've been working a bit, hanging around the house, and generally wishing I was back at Knox this week. I miss Knox folks. I can't wait until they're in Chicago, as so many of them seem to be doing.

I think that's about it for now. I'm exhausted, so I think I'm going to veg for a bit and then hit the hay.

Oh, PS: I've been getting a lot of comment and trackback spam, so I've shutoff trackbacks and comments on entries over two weeks old. If you feel the burning desire to do a trackback, let me know and I'll turn it back on for you. If you want to comment on a post over two weeks old, ah, maybe you should get a life ;P

Posted by drlynn at 22:24 | Comments (1)

13.05.2006

Interview questions from the T3$$-1

So I asked C for these a while back (ok, maybe a week or two) and I'm a slug and haven't answered them yet. Here-in lies my attempts to do so.

1. What is your favorite play from a technical perspective? How about from a "whole show" perspective?

Ooo.. Hrm. One I've already done, or one I'd like to do? I've been a bad theatre person and haven't done much play reading outside of class lately, so I'll have to fall back on the old standards. I'll work in the world of theory first:

My favorite show, technically, (I'm reading this as "design-wise") would probably be Art. It's a play examining the significance of art. Just reading sends all sorts of ideas floating around in my head. My all-time favorite "whole play" is Copenhagen by Michael Frayn (the Noises Off! guy.) It's an amazing, captivating, fast-paced exploration of what could have passed between Bohr and Heisenberg in 1941. It combines that science nerd in me with the artist and philosopher. I need to read it again, soon. Now that I'm wiser in the ways of the world than when I read it first.

In the world of actuality... I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't seen much theatre that I haven't been involved with somehow... The Steppenwolf production of Our Lady of 121st Street sticks out in my memory as something I had no greviences with. Or Vitalist's King Lear last year. Overall, I can't help but think of our staged reading of Peter Sheffer's Amadeus at IMSA my senior year. I think that's the show that really hooked me on this stuff.

2. Did you come to Knox sure you were going to become a theatre professional? What made you sure of that path?

Yes. Why did I come to Knox anyway? No fucking idea. I knew that theatre was what I wanted to do in life when I started thinking about what I wanted to do in college. I was getting pretty burnt out on just about everything IMSA had to offer by the time I was looking at colleges. I thought very, very hard about it for a while, and realized that theatre was the only aspect of my life/education/whatever that I could imagine devoting four years of my life to, and then countless after that. I realized that my interest in the other diciplines rarely extended beyond the knowledge of what is practical and that most of theatre is purely and simply devoted to the practice.

3. Do you have an interest in crossing over to other parts of the theatre world (directing, playwriting, teaching, acting), or are you strictly devoted to your technical artistry?

I've tried directing. As IMSA Drama President senior year, it sort of fell to me to direct the winter show, as had been the tradition lately. I directed Cyrano de Bergerac and got in WAY over my head. Ultimately, it was an INCREDIABLE learning experience for me. As I've had opportunity to observe friends and associates, I realize that I think I found my particular niche. I don't know that I have the broad vision of a director, or the poise and control of an actor.

Teaching is definately something I've considered. In theatre, academe is one of the few havens we have for finding full-time, benefitted positions. Besides job security, I have to admit that I really do love sharing my passion for all things technical with others; even if it does mean creating potential competitors. The "Teaching Assistant" title I had at Knox was not inaccurate.

4. What's your favorite performance from your time at Knox?

That's like asking a parent which one of their children they love most. They have an answer, but they won't want to admit it, at first ;) It's a tough call between Eastern Standard and Raven probably. You ever finish a project or something and think "I'm done. I've done the best I can and it's amazing. I can go no farther from here." Yeah, it was something like that. Working on the shows was fun, the finished products were amazing. I think it's those shows that cemented some friendships I hope I'll have for a very, very long time.

5. What do you think should be done to foster great awareness of the arts in schools?

The arts are more than learning to play the recorder or glueing painted macaroni to paper. That's not to say that those don't have their place, but I think it's important that we emphasize the "practical" aspects of the arts. For example, I work in the arts, and spent a good time at work today learning how to solder.

More than nuts-and-bolts stuff, the arts teach you to be flexiable, to look at problems from a different angle, and to think critically about the world and people around you. I think schools need to take a more "liberal arts" approach to the arts, and explore how "art" is influenced by the other subjects students study (such as the golden ration in Da Vinci, political influences and influence, etc etc)
I think it's critical that arts not be taught in a vacuum.

*whew* I'm so very spent. It's 1:30 and I'm still at the theatre. (Hanging around while E plays That Game.) I should go home. Yes. Bed + Sleep = :)

EDIT: I almost forgot, this is a "meme" sort of thing. Now that I've done it, if you want me to ask *you* some tough questions, comment. Or, you know, if you want to pick my brain some more, you can do that too. It's not like I have anything else taking up my time....

Posted by drlynn at 00:56

9.05.2006

quick update

quick check-in: The rest of the con was fun. Back home now and I actually have work every day this week. Schweetness.

The TiVo and DirecTV reciever are now set up and oh so happy. Although, I definatelty need to rearrange my room and bring my big desk up so I have room for all of this stuff.

Also planning on selling a bunch of stuff on eBay and Amazon. Not necessarly to make money (although that certainly helps) but to get rid of a bunch of stuff sitting around that I'm not going to want to move when the time comes.

Oh, yeah, no news on the job front.

That's all. Goodnight, folks.

Posted by drlynn at 00:39

6.05.2006

a-cen and other things

still don't have another job. that's all we'll say about that.

It's actually been a little busy since I last updated. I've had a few days of work at the Raue, time with the boy and other sorts of activities keeping me occupied.

I starting reading The Da Vinci Code just to see what all the fuss is about. The chapters are too short and the narritive too wordy. Granted, we're only 30 pages in at the moment; we'll see if this improves.

I managed to sucessfully run the co-ax from my room to the digital splitter off the dish (with much help from E), have conned a new reciever out of DirecTV (two actually, I scored a new DVR for down stairs, too) and I bought one of the most gorgeous monitors EVAR, one that has composite and s-video inputs, bypassing the need for the tuner card. So now, after much ado, I can actually set my TiVo back up and watch TV in my room. Finally an escape. I totally shouldn't have bought the monitor, but it was so worth it. Speaking of which, if you or anyone you know would be interesting in buying a gently used, decent quality 17" LCD monitor, let me know. Otherwise, it's going on eBay next week.

This weekend finds me wandering around Rosemont Convention Center at ACen. I'll admit, I went into this with what we'll call a "healthy" sense of trepidation. The first few hours or so I was feeling a bit overwhelmed; not just because of the subject matter, but the mass of people, the foreign venue etc. I set myself on auto-follow (for lack of a better term...) and just started to take it all in. Once I got a handle on things, I started to feel better and enjoy myself a bit. Today was the artists and the dealer hall. Hopefully tomorrow will bring activities as well. R, I wish you were here! Drop me an email if there's anything you want me to pick up for you!

Otherwise... I can't think of much else to say right now. I'm exhausted from a day of walking around, etc, so I think I'm going to call it a night. Oh, and my laptp battery's about to die, so I really couldn't say more if I wanted to. Late-a.

Posted by drlynn at 00:21

30.04.2006

today is (not) like every other day

Not working is boring. At this point, I'd welcome an office job, just for something to do that I don't have to come up with myself.

Today I experienced two drastically different moods. I can't blame it on hormones, 'cuz that's not the way I work. It's mostly me thinking too much. Remember back when I was talking about Autobiography of a Geisha and I mentioned "middle-class guilt"? Or, at least, I think I mentioned it... (I'm too lazy to check at the moment.) Anyway, it's where you're fairly comfortable and for all intents and purposes well off, but you have that internal nagging that says you should be doing better, that you're "better" than a $8/hr job, that you've worked your ass off and god damnit you deserve to be self-sufficient etc etc. And then you get hit upside the head by what feels like a Mack truck but is really just an unassuming 170 page tome? Yeah. That feeling that I have it *too* good; that I'm spoiled by my luxury and I should be happy with what I have etc etc. It really makes you feel like a skunk for lamenting the fact that you don't have the money to buy a new iPod.

It also really makes the jobs search a emotional rollercoaster, let me tell you.

I spent a couple of hours of quality time with the newspaper this afternoon. This is on the heels of a couple of hours of quality time with CareerBuilder the other day. I'm getting tired of this. I'm getting tired of the looking. And the feeling inadaquate. And the uncertainty. I hit a low. It wasn't pretty. Thankfully, I realized this and left, took a drive in the crazy wind and rain, ran some errands, and came back a little better. Now, of course, that I'm sitting here reliving this all again, it's coming back, butI can handle it.

The early evening was spent with the family. The late evening was spent with the family and a book, while trying very, very hard to ignore the TV (there are issues with me and the TV.) Thankfully, I was fairly successful. The book is The Time Traveler's Wife and OMG is it good. I'm reading in a fashion I haven't seen in years. I've read on the order of 150 pages in just a few hours and I'm not done. I'm devowering whole pages at a time and I've lost at least a hour at a time without notice. It's amazing. I feel... invigorated. I feel engrossed in something for the first time in what seems like ages. I realize that in a way, I'm just living vicariously through these characters, and that it's its own form of escapisim, but damnit, it feels good and I missed this. Tomorrow I'll deal with the job search, tonight I'm jumping through time.

Posted by drlynn at 01:55 | Comments (3)

18.04.2006

paperbombing the midwest

So I realized that it's been a while since I've posted an actual, factual update on what my life's been like lately, and since I know that some of you actually read this for that information, it would be kind of me to share.

I've officially graduated from college. Got the letter in the mail yesterday. Whoo.

Well, as I've alluded to in the past few entries, the entry into the workforce has been less than successful. I've yet to find a full time job, but I've purposefully avoiding looking outside of my preferred field and geographic region. I feel like I'm lacking a significant resource when looking for jobs. I've been using backstagejobs and artsearch, but I know there has to be more work out there than just what those two resources show. I've got a small network going, but it's been less that fruitful. I know nothing happens overnight, so I'm giving myself some time to get my name out there, lurk backstagejobs for a while, and paper the chicagoland area with resumes (as the post title implies.)

My problem lately is that a few really appealing positions are available 2+ hours away. Both of which I'd take in an instant were they in Chicagoland, but being distant, I'm not so sure. I know people would say I'm stupid for even considering passing up job opportunities like these because I want to stay close to a particular person, but when being with that person is one of the keys to my happiness? I know having a decent job is another key... right now it's all just chaos in my head, trying to figure out where these priorities lie. I know what I *want,* and I think I know how to get it, I just don't seem to be getting there.

I know a lot of people who are just taking the dive right after they graduate. Getting places and hitting the ground running. Why can't I do that? Is it that I'm too scared to confront the realworld head-on, or that I'm too smart to confront the real world head-on? I don't mean to offend anyone that may read this, but I've got a fiercely independant streak, and I really don't want to be jumping from gig to gig, still living in my parents house, 5 years from now. I don't really even want to be doing that two years from now. I want to be out. NOW. I'm frustrated, and I've been trying to channel that into productivity, but lately it's just been into... I dunno, ambivalence.

I need a job that meets the following criteria:
full time
decently paying
live entertainment tech
variety of events
local

If anyone hears of the perfect job, please let me know?

Besides this job nonsense, which really has been eating up most of my cycles lately, life is realitively good. I know where my next meal is coming from, I have a roof overhead, and a family and SO that support me and love me dearly.

Life with the family has been OK so far; there are some things that I can tell are going wear on me mightily if I let them, especially as time goes on, but I really shouldn't complain much, as they are feeding me and all. I'm watching too much TV, however, because it seems to be the primary way in which my family spends time together. I can't read while the TV's on, and if I leave the room, I get chastized for leaving them, too. At least I've got the wireless, so I can get computer-based things done when I'm hanging out with them, but they're going to have to learn quickly that just because I don't want to stare mindlessly at television programs I don't want to watch, doesn't mean I don't want to see them.

Life with E has been good. I think we're adjusting to my being back alright. I think he's getting enough game time (in fact, he's sitting on the other side of the room doing it right now) at least, I think he'd tell me if he wasn't. I'm getting enough snuggle time. It's kinda rough with me working 5 days of week, only 1 of which we have off in common (and even then, not really, as he could get called away, and has been.) But we've both been making an effort and that's really warm and fuzzy. We want to get a place together, but that can't happen 'til I have a predictable, quality income. Something that's frustrating both of us, I think.

*grinding noise as I change gears completely*

Some of you may have noticed lately that the new haircut isn't the only thing I've been changing about myself lately. I've been making an effort in general, over the past few months, to be less slob-y (for lack of a better term.) I've never been one of the "fashionable" people, but I'm finally learning that I do feel better about myself when I look better. E likes to think that it's his influence, and maybe it is to a certain extent. He once said to me "I'm proud of you, you should be proud of you too." and he was right. I really wasn't taking pride in myself as a person. It's almost as though I was taking conscious steps in the opposite direction in an attempt to avoid what I perceived as rampant vanity amongst females my age.

I'm still a jeans-and-tshirt kinda girl, but they're nicer jeans and t-shirts. I get "dressed up" for the heck of it. I just spent more money than I should have on nice, seasonally-appropriate clothes, and I don't regret it. I hate to admit it, but my mother's probably right, in that part of it is probably just growing up. I think another part is beginning to understand who I am, as opposed to being confident in the fact that I didn't know who I was. I'm a girl that likes to hang out with guys, but is comfortable in her female body and confident and cool enough to be a chick *and* be cool with the guys, as opposed to relying on a sort of gender abiguity to get my foot in the door. I'll never be confused with one of the "fashionable" types, but that's not going to stop me from wearing cute sandals. :)

Who knows, maybe looking good might help me land a job :P

Ryan and his cronies were guilty on all counts. Good. His lawyer's promising an appeal. Oh just suck it up and acknowledge that you did a stupid thing and got caught. Jeeze. Gets me thinking about the next race for governer. I know people aren't too fond of Blago. I'm certainly not fond of his practices involving money, but I agree with him on a lot of the issues, and that's hard to break away from. I suppose as we get closer to election time, I'll have to do a lot more digging and give it a lot more thought.

It's very bizzare to me not to have the built-in school mile-stones anymore. I think that's the biggest adjustment I've faced so far. At school, you're always working toward something - the next big assignment deadline, the end of the term, the end of the year... now I've got, well, nothing to work toward at the moment. It's not good. It's leading me to stagnation. I'm going to spend some of what precious little money I have on books that I want to read in an effort to stoke my fires again. Amazon, here I come.

[Just overheard from the previously mentioned gamer behind me: "I do not feel the need to be all up in that fire elemental's McArea." McArea? Good god. Just when I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, videogames don't rot brains, I hear things like that. *rolls eyes and laughs a little*]

Well. It's been an hour since I started writing this, and I think I'm finally out of steam. I feel like there's more I could talk about, but everything in my life right now seems to revolve around me trying to find a job or not having a job (even if it doesn't) and that's monotonous, even to me, so I'll leave it be for a while. In the mean time, I'll try to lead a more interesting life, so that when I do come back, I'll have something better to talk about.

Posted by drlynn at 22:06 | Comments (2)

15.04.2006

spring trimming

I've finally done it. I cut my hair. Like serious.

Check it out.

My face is a little red in that shot, don't really know why... ah well.

Life lately has been pretty crazy busy. When I haven't been working, I've been trying to keep on track of my design work, correspondence, and trying to get the appropriate amount of R&R. Not much time for updates. Or job apps... erp.

The Noble Fool gig's up this week, dumping me back into under-employment. I'm trying very hard to get a full-time theatre gig locally, but I'm coming up short on opportunities. I'm applying for a few that are a ways away. Don't know what I'm going to do if I get one, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I know I said it before, but I mean it this time - I'm going to get the newspaper tomorrow and start looking for non-theatre stuff. Something office-y perhaps, something that would understand that I don't want to work friday nights or weekends because I kinda have another job. Yeah. Good luck with that one. *sigh*

Dude! For those of you who might know/remember him, Jon Feakins called me today. He's doing well, on his way to Turkey next month to mentor students in a study-abroad program for the summer. My phone died on us in the middle of the conversation, and I still feel bad about that....

Speaking of the phone dying.... I had to hard reset and hadn't synced in over two weeks. Dumbass. I've learned that lesson....

M's show is almost up. I've done my part and I'm proud of it. I can't wait to see photos with costumes! Good luck to all involved!

As my previous post mentions, it happened to be Flunk Day one day I was down in Galesburg this week, which is awesome, (kinda sucked, cuz I got no help except my godly and unfourtunately ill ME) because I got to enjoy it when I'd just given up on seeing my last flunk day.

Now the only thing I have left to do with Knox is graduation... That's kinda... wow. It's still setting in that I'm done, even though I've been back and not had class...

Yeah. Anyway, I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed. Goodnight, world.

Posted by drlynn at 03:12 | Comments (1)

3.04.2006

spring sucks

I wish it would just warm up and be sunny already. It's been a couple of weeks now of days that would be warm if it weren't overcast and rainy, and that's starting to get on my nerves. The rest of the week seems to want to continue that trend.

Enough whining, though. Because this weather is bringing tulips and tulips are devine. My favorite part about spring is the flowers. I was just admitting to a new coworker yesterday that flowers are one of my feminine weaknesses (along with kittens, romantic overtures, and guys that smell realy good).

My show opened on Saturday. Things are going well. We're starting to get the rhythm of it, not just the show, but the outside responsibilities associated with it. There's still some kinks that need to get worked out, but for the most part the big stress is gone, and now we're starting to settle into a routine. We'll see how it goes. I'm already starting to get a little bored with the show, and I keep finding myself with the music or chunks of lines stuck in my head. I just hope that doesn't get worse. The good thing is, though, that that's the closest I get to taking my work home with me and I can handle that.

There is no other work news, not for now anyway. I'm still debating whether to apply to the Steppenwolf apprenticeship. It'd mean writing a personal statement and harassing two people into writing rec letters, so I need to make up my mind soon. I think I will, the worst that can happen is I say no. Although the thought of working in the city for min. wage for 9 months is something I can't quite wrap my head around just yet. I have no idea how I'd do it.

I was in Galesburg earlier this week to work on H's show. The concept wound up pretty different from how we'd initially imagined it, but that's ok. I'm pleased with how the show looks, and H seemed to be too, so that's good. They "open" on Wednesday and I wish them all a good show.

I've really got to dig into BW now. I've got a plot (for the most part) and placed a rental order with DLC, so now I've got to papertech, pretty much, and finalize some color stuff soon. Like, Yesterday, soon. I'm a bit concerned about not seeing any runthroughs. Let me repeat that: I'll be designing this show without having seen any run-thoughs. How much does that suck? Yeah. This is why I'm doing my best to give myself a fairly flexiable plot and I'm gonna cue on my feet pretty much. I'll be as prepared as possible, but when it's done, it's done, because I've got to leave and I can't come back.

Besides all this, the thrust-into-the-real-world stress is starting to subside. We'll call this 'coasting' - I hope not to be coasting forever, but for now, I should be OK.

Posted by drlynn at 15:37 | Comments (1)

24.03.2006

suddenly supposedly employed

So I got a call yesterday afternoon from the place in St. Charles. You remember, the one with the Perfect Job. Well, as you may recall, I didn't get that job, but they're going into tech and their ASM just fell to an injury and they needed someone to fill in for her. I was the first person they called. Cool. Don't know how long I'll be there (probably just until she gets back, whenever that may be, but it could be all the way through the end of the run in May) but it should be interesting.

I called them this morning to say "yes" and find out what time I needed to come in today; they said they'd call back in half an hour. This was about two hours ago. Tried calling them back, got voicemail. So now I'm waiting. *sigh*

This employment thing really is a mixed blessing. I mean, it's great that I've got a job (supposedly) and hopefully some great connections to go along with, but the constant employment comes with a trade-off: no more work for the Raue. There's just no time. I'm gonna miss that a whole heck of a lot. Obviously, I'm going to miss a certain co-worker a whole heck of a lot, too.

I'd be working five days a week, but the hours are such that I could maybe pick up a part time job. My days off would be Monday and Tuesday and Monday's will be sacred, which leaves me T-F. So that's potentially just one day off if I pick up another part-time job, which I'd have to do if I wanted to move out, because this just wouldn't be enough.

Arg. I should be excited about this and I'll I'm doing is agonizing.

I'm feeling a bit better now. I feel worlds better than a I did yesterday evening. It's amazing what good an hour of snuggling can do.

... [phone rings]...

So I finally got a call back. First day's going to be tomorrow, not today. 9am sharp. right. Now, I think I'm going to go back to sleep.

Posted by drlynn at 10:08 | Comments (1)

20.03.2006

tired

Spring break is coming to an end for everyone at Knox. This no longer includes me and that is weird.

The end of last week got busy, work Friday (E's birthday), work Saturday and picked up C and M from the train, work ALL day Sunday, up early today to drop C and M with D for the trip back to the 'burg. Looks like I'll be working every day this week, too. Not that I'm complaining.

Sunday went well. It was a long day (18.5 hours on the clock) but no major disasters or blowups. We were all punchy by the end of it, but I don't think I said or did anything unbecoming. The show itself was exactly what I expected it to be - a couple of guys and a swarm of scantily clad dancers. I wound up as a carpenter/deck hand, easy and interesting enough. My wardrobe recruits don't seem to hate me for roping them into it, so that's a positive thing. R has some interesting observations on her lj if you're interested.

I've kinda stalled on the job front. There have been allusions to me possibly getting more hours at the Raue, which would be great, but would also be a bitch to schedule around, so I'm holding off 'til the end of the week to see what happens.

For now, I need to get working on my design for The Exonerated, since I really should be mailing my drafting off tomorrow.

Posted by drlynn at 23:56

16.03.2006

job news

Well, I didn't get the job in St. Charles. Saddness. It would have been nice if they'd called to tell me, but at least now I know. I'm a little upset, but I'm trying to take this lemon and make lemonade - I emailed the gentleman I'd been talking to and asked him some questions about what he thought of my resume and interview. Hopefully some useful information will come out of that. He did say he'll keep my resume on file, for what it's worth.

I won't hear back about the summer position at ISU until next week sometime. That one might have better odds, but I'm still not sure about whether or not it would be worth it to do it if I get it.

I'm going to email the WHO and ask to be put back on the schedule. That should garner me some hours, at least, and it's technically theatre work. They're generally good people.

I've got an application in at Best Buy in Crystal Lake. Called today to try to contact someone about it, hopefully they'll call me back. I'm going to create a non-theatre jobs resume soon.

If you know of anyone looking for a tech in the Chicago area, please let me know.

Posted by drlynn at 16:27

continuing existance

Infrared light does not go through cats. Important information that.

Cats aside (literally and figuratively, as the cat keeps trying to climb on my computer) more of the same here at home. I'm getting settled in. I've been kinda out of it all day. I don't really know why. I guess I'm just all uncertain about what I'm going to be doing. I had this romatic idea of what post-college life would be like and it's not like that yet. That's ok. I'm just being silly. (I reference my previous posts.) I suppose it can't be that bad, as I've the where-withal to recognize it. I just... gah...

On that amazingly coherent note, I'm going to bed. Goodnight all. Maybe tomorrow will be the day I finally hear back from The Job...

Posted by drlynn at 00:46

14.03.2006

first day of the rest of my life

I'm officially done with college. Finals turned in and moved back home. Everything went pretty smoothly, as you may have noticed, I wrote that last final paper in record time. Woke up the next morning, turned it and my other paper's revisions in and started packing a bit. I took friday to relax a bit and collect myself, but honestly had a bit of trouble with that, since I was so wound up from the week before - I had to be doing something, hence the packing. Saturday saw one of the most gorgeous days so far this year followed by some pretty awesome storms. I studied for my Shakespeare final that evening and waited nervously for E's arrival as I watched the storms roll in.

Walking out of that final was incrediably bizarre. That moment was something I'd been driving myself crazy waiting for, for several years, it seems. Now that it was there, it was initally a feeling of "well, that's nice." I wandered around campus for a few minutes (it had stopped raining at that point) and just sort of took it all in (the campus and the situation). After a few minutes it sunk in that I really was done with college and I started to get giddy. That lasted for a little while until the exhaustion from the week's stress and erratic sleep schedule kicked in.

Sunday we packed, Monday we moved. I'm am forever in E's debt for his help with all of this. By the time we were packing and moving out, my brain had realized it wasn't needed anymore and just left. Gone. We managed to fit an apartment's worth of stuff into my car and his truck. Three cheers for the truck and its driver!

So now I'm home. I'm home and I don't have any specific date when I know I'll be leaving. That's kinda scary, to be honest. Everyone's in good enough sprits about it now, so I'll ride that wave and we'll see what happens as the next few weeks develop. The weirdest thing is that this is the first time in seven years that all of my stuff's been under the same roof. Even in highschool, during the summer and such, a lot stayed packed away in anticipation of the next year. Now I face the monumental task of sorting through all the crap I've collected over the years, decided what I really need to keep, what I can get rid of, and organizing what's been left behind. That's job enough to keep me busy for the next couple of days, at least.

Speaking of jobs... I'm technically not a student anymore, as the term ended on the 11th and I'm not enrolled for Spring. My entire life, part of my self-definition has been "student" - when I was younger, my parents always told me that "school is your job" and I guess I took that to heart. Sometimes I feel that being a student is all I'm good for, after all, I've got some of the best on-the-job training for it... I know that's not true, I've got a part-time job, and another that I could go back to if I wanted. I've got prospects, and potential, but now, more than ever, I'm nervous.

I think the weirdest part of it all is not how things are different, but how things are the same. I guess I was just expecting/hoping for that dramtic, chords from the heavens, ta-DA! "You are now an ADULT!" etc. etc. etc. I know, stupid, right? Besides, I'm not *completely* done with Knox, since I'll be back at least twice this term to design shows, and back again in June to walk the stage and pick up my diploma.

I'm still waiting by the phone to hear back from the job that wanted a second interview. I sent an email last Thursday along the lines of "hey, what's up? call me?" and still haven't heard back. I've got this sinking feeling in my stomach that they don't want to hear from me anymore. C said something along the lines of "If they're taking this long to get back to you, are you really going to want to work with them?" Yes. at least, for a little while, until I'm situated and out of college long enough for people to take my resume seriously. I'll give it another week or so and then start combing the classifieds and making up a "real world" resume. I'm just not ready for that yet.

Well, that's it for now. Time to kick back into "domestic Goddess" mode and get some more of this laundry and unpacking done.

Posted by drlynn at 15:01

11.03.2006

one week

Yet again I'm faced with the question, what to do for the boy that already has everything I can afford and doesn't seem to have a sentimetal bone in his body?

Posted by drlynn at 01:46

9.03.2006

and so it begins

Blank pages are so intimidating.

update: 12:30 AM. Three pages.
update: 2:00 AM. Four pages. Kinda lost my momentum there for a bit...
update: 3:15 AM Six pages. Yay progress!
update: 3:50 AM Seven pages!
update: 4:59 AM 9 pages and DONE!

This really is record time for me, I think. Almost ten pages in less than five hours. Damn.

Posted by drlynn at 21:40

8.03.2006

mopey

yeah. That's about it. I was riding fairly high today, until this evening, when much of the matter of my post last night came back to me.

I'm afraid that I might have gotten away from myself with hopings about how post-graduation might look, and now of course I'm seeing that may not happen and my hopes are fading again in the usual manner. (Don't worry, there hasn't been any bad news. Just no news, and some realizations. *sigh*) I just have this habit of making this picture of things in my head, and try as I might to not get attached to it, I do, and when it doesn't look like it'll pan out, it makes me mopey.

It doesn't help that little positive happened today, and talking to E, which usually cheers me up, just made things worse. (Of no fault of his, I don't think.)

I think this mopeyness has broken me for the night, so I guess I'll go to bed now.

Posted by drlynn at 01:28 | Comments (1)

7.03.2006

t-minus 5 days

I think the title says it all. It's actually even less than that. If you want to get all particular, it's probably more on the order of 96 hours. *starts countdown clock on phone*

Last college class ever today. Woo. Handed over PM stuff today, sorta. The last official business will be tomorrow. No longer manager of the theatre distribution list. Woo.

Now, back to the paper writing... Or, more accurately, reading as prep for paper writing.

Posted by drlynn at 20:29 | Comments (1)

6.03.2006

the countdown begins

Started reading Questionable Content this weekend. Good stuff. I've decided that when I have a few spare moments to procrastinate, I'm going to add a webcomics roll to this site. How else can we spread the word about the cool stuff that we read?

I wouldn't let myself start an offical countdown until the days were in the single digits, because it would only serve as a point of fixation and aggravation for my senioritis. Now that there are 7 days left, I think it's OK. In a way, now, it's sorta calming. I took one of my favorite photos from Starved Rock this summer and overlayed a countdown. A winding wooded path, dappled sunlight and devoid of people. Tranquil.

Small progress is being made on the Shakespeare paper (the last of my college career.) I now have a sense of the issues that I want to explore. I now need to read another of my secondary sources and the play itself in light of my readings. My intention is to have everything done by Thursday night. According to the current weather forecast, it's supposed to be in the high 50s on Friday. It would be just perfect if I were more or less done that day and could play in the sun.

This coming week is going to be full of a lot of "last" things. Such as today, my last Studio changeover. Not a weepy/sad event, but certainly a thoughtful one. I find myself wanting to pass on my key ring in person to my sucessor. It would mean a lot to me to be able to do it that way. I know that won't fly by Security, but, what can I say, the stewardship that goes along with those keys, while not significant in size, is certainly a very personal and significant thing. It's time for me to pass it on and I'm OK with that.

As E pointed out to me this evening, though this week may be full of lasts, the coming weeks will be filled with firsts. And I'm ok with that too, even if I am scared shitless.

I often wonder how he feels about all this. I know that I would probably find myself reliving my own experiences. I would probably loathe doing that too, and I don't know that I could completely keep it from flavoring how I felt about the other person at the time. Of course, that memory is always flavored by time and experience, for better and for worse. I know that sometimes I must seem so... little to him. Understandable, since I am, after all, but I tend to pride myself on trying to be mature. Nevertheless, I'm being a whiny bitch sometimes; I just hope he understands.

My mind's been fixated a lot lately on what my life could be like in a couple of months/years. Of course, he's a large factor in a very positive, secure and warm fuzzy domestic sort of way. (Discussion of this sort of thing seems to make him uncomfortable, so I try not to mention it. It usually escapes at some point in our conversations as a whiny "I miss you".) It's difficult now for me to think about the nuances of Henry V when I'm waiting to hear back about jobs, contemplating the direction of my career, living situations, and struggling with this overwhelming desire to be completely independant as soon as possible. His presence is a reassuring, stable thing. It's a bit of security in this current sea of uncertainty. (And whoo-boy am I melodramatic tonight.) I just hope it's not too much pressure for either one of us. Is it selfish that I miss so badly being held?

I can't shake the feeling that I'm overreacting; that I am making a much bigger deal out of this than I should. It's so hard, though, to get an objective opinion. My peers are here too, but not really as they've still got a term; younger friends don't understand it quite the same way because they're not nearly so close; and older friends are mellowed by time, so to speak. I'm used to having a guage by which I can judge myself, but I don't really have one here, and I don't really even have like experiences to compare it to. I guess this is one of those firsts.

*sigh* It's now 3:30 am and I still have class tomorrow morning, so I'll stop rambling for now.

Posted by drlynn at 02:33 | Comments (2)

3.03.2006

bored

So I'm bored. It's not like I don't have work to do. Ha. That would be great. No, it's Friday, I just had a long week, and I really just shouldn't be doing work right now.

So what am I doing instead? Nothing.

I had another interview this morning. I was less excited about this one, but I don't think it went any better or worse than yesterday's. It was much shorter, though. *shrug* I liked the guy I talked to, very upfront about his hiring process. I know that I'm one of 5 people he's considering, that the fact that I got an interview was a big plus, and that I'll hear from him whether I get their AME job or not by the end of next week. The job itself sounds fun, a lot of the sorts of things I do already, plus board op and changeovers. I don't know that I like the idea of spending May through August away from home, but them's the breaks, I guess.

So now I'm just rattling around my empty apartment. My roommate's at work - we've plans to go to a movie, but not 'til later tonight. Maybe I'll do some pleasure reading. Or nap. Now there's an idea!

Posted by drlynn at 16:32

2.03.2006

potentials

Woke up late this morning to an unexpected phone interview from the Perfect Job. That's a heck of a wake up call. I think it went well. Of course, now I'm even more nervous than I was before. I'm also second guessing myself all over the place now, lots of "I should have said's" but thankfully no "I wish I hadn't said's".... I'm trying very hard to not get too excited, but I can't help it. If this works out, I could be set.

I have another phone interview set up for tomorrow with a summer festival. Not nearly as appealing (or as close to home) but they seemed interested, and I'm not about to stop looking.

I've also got a couple of other potentials to get out there. That's a project for this weekend. For now, back to the paper-writing...

Posted by drlynn at 16:34 | Comments (1)

1.03.2006

update

I've now offically used an entire box of Kleenex all by myself in less than two days. Barely more than one. That is all.

Posted by drlynn at 22:00

on the couch again

Ugh. So I fell asleep on the couch again. For, like, the third time today. This is not good. I'm still fighting the sinus business. If I don't take pills, I can't think or breathe. If I take pills I can breathe, but all I want to do is sleep. I can't focus.

I am offically done with one of my classes. Of course it's the easy one. All I have to do now is show up at the last two meetings.

I have two papers to write and one non-cumulative final. The first draft of one of the papers is due tomorrow. I haven't started writing. The other, and the final version of the draft, are due next Friday. The final is next Saturday.

Three things. Three things that at any other time would be mere nusances, bumps in the road. Now they feel insurmountable. There's something squeezing my guts and making it just that much harder.

Maybe E was right. Maybe these are going to be the longest two weeks of my life.

Posted by drlynn at 20:13

27.02.2006

head of cement

Alright, so I guess it's time for a personal update. Haven't had one in a while. I'm at school. (duh) Counting down the days 'til I'm done. (12) And suffering from one amazingly horrible sinus attack. (ick) No doubt brought on by The Pets of Doom (I love my cats, but I'm incrediably allergic to one) and the rapid shift in weather. It gets better and worse throughout the day. Thankfully, it doesn't look like it's an infection, so it's just a matter of waiting it out. Waiting it out when I have lots of work that I should be doing. Waiting it out when it's a fucking gorgeous day outside and all I want to do is play in the sun. Instead, all my body wants to do is curl up in a ball and sleep. But of course, I can't sleep because I can't breathe well. Apologies to R for what I'm sure is some terrible snoring.

I've been seeing a physical therapist to deal will some of the issues that I've been having with my back and shoulders. He's got me working on my neck and strengthing my back, which is all good. The bonus is that he gives me a massage to work out the knots. Ah heaven. This is something I'm going to have to keep up with. Today he asked me if I'd been in a fight over the weekend because my neck was so bad. Nope. That's just what being sick does to me. Fun stuff.

Aside from that garbage, things are looking up. I've got a couple of applications out and a couple of prospects, plus the part time gigs I can pick back up when I get home. I really really want one of these jobs, though, it's a full-time, salaried, Production Assistant postion. I would absolutely LOVE to have this job. It would be PERFECT. I'M SO NERVOUS. Otherwise, there's a summer thing, an interesting looking apprenticeship. Lots of uncertainty, though, and that never sits well with me. I know it's bad when I find myself half hoping someone would get fired or quit... But those aren't good thoughts and I need to not entertain them. In the meantime, money's tight. It always is. Thank heavens for Aldi.

I just got back from another lovely weekend at home. I've been spending regular peroids of "quality time" with E and it's so amazingly good for me, words cannot express. It feels like it's been good for us, too. I think we're finding a good balance. (He plays all the WoW he wants when I'm not around, and I get attention occasioanlly.) Plus, he's hosting my website for free. I love my geek. *smoosh* Aww, now I'm all mushy.

Well, I should go try to get some reading done. I've got entirely too much to not do this week. ;P

Posted by drlynn at 21:19

21.10.2005

the time has come the walrus said

to talk of many things...

I'm not sure why, but that poem's running through my head right now. Maybe part of my brain thinks it's appropriate.

I haven't updated in a while because I've been alternating between states of busy, introverted, and unmotivated. The weather isn't helping.

Birthday went well. People love me. I love them. I don't feel any older than I did last week, but I do feel... better. I can't quite describe it. Something I've been waiting for for a long time has finally happened and there's a sense of release and settling. Natural.

Noises Off! is going very well. (For those who may not have heard me gush about it, it's my first solo mainstage lighting design.) If you've any interest in seeing it, it runs for two weekends: 7:30p, 27,28,29 Oct and 3,4,5 Nov. If you're coming, let me know :)

Otherwise, besides the show, I've been lacking motivation something terrible. I just want to go home, right now, I think. I'm kinda concerned as to whether this will get better or worse once the show's up. I won't really feel that I have a reason to be here anymore, but I'll definately still have a good 3 and a half weeks left. Next term, it looks like I'm not going to be doing anything theatre-wise (besides prep work for the shows that I agreed to design at the beginning of Spring term.) It's going to be strange, but really, it's what I need. I need to bow out and let the young'ins take over. I need to not blow next term so I can get out on time. I need to prepare to move on with my life. Whatever that may be.

God, speaking of which. After some news today, my head is just spinning like crazy. It's to the point where, there's so much uncertainty and potential drama that my brain just doesn't want to think about it and just shut down. The who issue's this gray blob that I can't deal with right now. So instead, I'm going to fuck homework (since I can't concentrate worth a damn anyway) and escape a bit with a book. I don't do that much anymore, but damn do I need it tonight. I'll write the fucking cues tomorrow.

[I just realized that I can type really well. Like, damn well. Far better than I ever thought I would be able to type. I'm not thinking about letters or groups of letters, only words. My brain translates the words subconsciously to my fingers without ever involving thought. It's kinda crazy and kinda creepy. Just goes to show you I type too much, maby?]

I... really need a back rub. I don't mean just "oh, I'm stiff" I mean "parts of my shoulders won't move anymore and it fucking hurts." Goddamn it. My brain was already swimming for two big reasons, and now I have another. *sigh*

That said, I don't really have anything more that I feel like saying here right now, so I'm going to go.

Posted by drlynn at 01:06

10.10.2005

all that glitters is gold

So... It's been a weekend of ups and downs. Mostly ups, so that's good, but it definately had its good points.

Weekend started out not so great with a tearful phone conversation in the Walgreens parking lot. I felt better venting a little, but I know I didn't do it in the best way possible. I started talking and it all just came rushing out. I guess it was really bothering me more than I'd let myself admit. I thought I'd handled it, dealt with it and moved on. Apparently not. It wound up for the better, honestly, even if I did make a bit of an ass out of myself and a spectacle. I have to say that I really, really respect him for the way he handled it and the things he said. "Chelsea Handling 101" and he's doing pretty well. *squishy lovey feelings* Also found out that E's coming down to visit and see the show at the end of October. *happy dance*

After that, I hung with A for a bit. Really glad that I'm getting to know her better. Watched some TV, worked on the lighting design for the mainstage a bit.

Damn this design is hard. It's the most difficult design I think I've done so far. It's a rep set with two levels and walls that reach right up the grid, blocking all the back lighting opportunities. Not to mention that it seems to be placed just right that practically none of the throws from the cats will be consistant. This is definately going to be a design that evolves as it goes into production. Once I get the plot done, then I have to start thinking about actually cueing the show...

I got paid (and my dad said he gave me grocery money) so I finally had a bit of money to spend on the non-food things I've needed for a while. It's amazing the difference a good pillow makes, although I was kinda pissed that I had to run all over the 'burg to find a king size pillow case that didn't cost $20. Now I have a big comfy piullow and I'm sleeping better. That and socks and underwear were my haul for the day and I was happy.

Saturday morning I woke up and decided that I really was sick of all the ice taking up room in our freezer. I'm not one to waste things and I am one to let loose every now and then (and was certainly in the mood to do so) so I decided that I was going to throw a "Getting Rid of My Ice" party. Frozen drinks and good times abound. We had a good crowd show up, made some really tasty drinks and I got HAMMERED. It was glorious. I figured it's the closest thing I'm going to have to a birthday party this year, so why not have a little fun?

Today saw me getting up kinda late (but hangover free) and load-in. Blissfully uneventful, and then on to the drafting studio. More wrestling with lighting and then on to a concert at the Orpheum. The group was Chanticleer and I was REALLY impressed. They sounded great. I'm glad I went, even if it was for class.

Yet again, though, it was a performance at the Orpheum where the act was good, but the tech was HORRIBLE. TERRIBLE. Apparently the person operating the house lights had NO IDEA what they were doing and kept plunging the house into darkness when they wanted to fade or blink for places. I could tell by looking at it that nothing's been significantly moved since the last time I was there, so I'm beginning to belive that they really don't have anyone there who knows what they're doing with this stuff. I really am going to write a letter to JR the E.D. of the theatre and say "hey, this really sucks, please let me fix it for you!" It's really sad when they have such notable acts in as Chanticleer and they keep walking into and standing in dark spots while performing or have such strong downlight overhead that it looks like they're eyes are sucken into their heads and they're about to ascend into heaven. Drove. Me. Nuts! *deep calming breath*

After that, came back and not really in the mood to do work, decided to hang out with B for a while. Good times. Suddenly we realized it was 1:30 and that we were cold. Time to go hom. And now here I am.

Like I said, a week/weekend of ups and downs. This week looks to be better. I've got to get this plot done, then we'll start hanging. Birthday coming up on Thursday (whoo!) and plans for that day are already underway. It's nice that I won't have class on Wednesday, either. Hooray for fall institute day. This weekend sees me back home for a busy weekend at the Raue. I hope that M'll have me around as much as possible because I can really use the money and honestly, as silly as it sounds, one of the best ways I could spend my birthday weekend would be hanging out and working with the guys.

It's getting late and I do need to study a bit for the listening quiz in class, so off I go.

Posted by drlynn at 01:45

25.09.2005

cont.

You ever have one of those nights when not just a single song, but a whole album, speaks to you? speaks for you? Tonight it's MxPx's Before Everything & After. I was walking around campus listening to it and it just... caught me. Right now I'm just tired, lonely, scared, excited, homesick, lovesick and happy in this tumultuous mix. It moved me. I feel at once better and overwhelmed. I need a hug.

"Everything Sucks"

All I ever needed was to eat popcorn with you,
Come on over,

Watch the late show,
Stay up talking until two

Today's the day you're leaving,
And tomorrow you'll be gone

You're in my heart and on my mind,
I will bring you along

Everything sucks when you're gone,
Everything sucks when you're gone

A dream of our reunion makes me crazy just to think,
How so very far away you are,
My hope begins to sink

Today's the day you're leaving,
And tomorrow you'll be gone

You're in my heart and on my mind,
I will bring you along
...

"Quit Your Life"

I’ve been everywhere around the world and finally here tonight
You seem to be the only one to make me feel alright

I feel good when I know you’re coming down
I feel good when I know you’ll be around

[Chorus:]
So quit your life and stay with me
We’ll order in and watch TV
We’ll paint the house and wash the car
We’ll take a walk but not too far
So quit your life and stay with me
...

"Don't Walk Away"

I need the comfort,
That's in your arms,
Squeeze and hold me tight, and keep me warm
I need the passion,
That's in your heart,
Say you'll never leave and be apart

So don't walk away,
Don't turn your back,
If you leave today,
My whole world would turn black,
So don't walk away,
Don't change your mind,
It's time you took the chance,
And put your hand in mine,
So don't walk away

I need the glow of,
Your darling face
Accept this crown of love,
And live in grace
I need the colors,
Painted in your mind
Your beauty and your brilliance,
So hard to find

So don't walk away,
Don't turn your back,
If you leave today,
My whole world would turn black,
So don't walk away,

Don't change your mind,
It's time you took the chance,
And put your hand in mine,

You are my angel,
Please don't be afraid
You are my saving grace,
My hearts first aid
So don't walk away,
So don't walk away

So don't walk away,
Don't turn your back,
If you leave today,
My whole world would turn black,
Don't walk away,

Don't change your mind,
It's time you took the chance,
And put your hand in mine,
So don't walk away
Don't walk away
So don't walk away

I'll admit, the last one helped me cry a little...

Posted by drlynn at 01:47

"if you want more beats for you buck there's no luck"

Today's been such a blah day; I'm almost ready to just go to bed now and see if I can't do better tomorrow. All I did today was sit around the apartment and watch two discs of Battlestar Galatica interrupted only by a short trip to Walgreens in which I forgot to refill all my meds. Don't get me wrong, I'm really digging B.G., but being cooped up all day's messed with me. And R's getting sick. Seems like she's now got whatever it is that's going around. *gulps the vitamin C*

Today wasn't a complete productivity black hole, but nearly so. I made flash cards for MUS112, because I'm sure that by the time we get to end of the term, I'll find them to be useful study aids, but I certainly don't want to have to sit down and make a term's worth in a sitting... I also got some emails sent, and that was good. I have a fairly lengthy list of things to do tomorrow, but it's not unsurmountable, by any means.

I've been alright lately, besides. More than a little stressed about money, my lack thereof, and my parents practices so regarding. I know I could be in much worse shape, and I really shouldn't complain. I just don't like uncertainty. I really don't. It'll get better once Knox paychecks start coming through, as well as weekends at the Raue, then I can start planning and budgeting. Until then, I live on a margin of about twenty bucks and I don't like it.

I found out this week that the plans that might have kept me in the 'burg in the spring seem to have completely fallen though. Most of the money for the new lighting equipment was yanked, and without money to buy the equipment I was going to set up, there's nothing left for me to do. This is a good thing in that it will save my ass a lot of running around, and free me up to work more, do summer stock, or whatever. But I won't deny being disappointed that I won't see my plans actually come to fruition. Well, at least it was a good theoretical excercise.

Well, the phone's ringing and it's definately a call I want to take.
Maybe I'll go for a bit of a walk, get some fresh air before I go to bed. Goodnight, all.

Posted by drlynn at 00:23

20.09.2005

i feel like a freshie again

So I thought I'd stop being a lump when I got back to school. Yeah, so much for that idea. Once the post-move-in frenzy was over, things have really settled down. I'm not terribly busy and I'm really really liking it. Two 100 level classes after 3 years of mostly 300's and tough 200's is really a breath of fresh air. I'm remembering that I like college a lot more when I'm not running my ass off all the time. Does this mean I'm going to stay that last term? hell no. It just means I'm going to hit reality like a hard brick wall next term when I'm back in two 300's again. Ah well. In the mean time, I shall enjoy this term for all it's worth. Yay autumn!

Posted by drlynn at 18:51

7.09.2005

b@k

back at Knox. Updates at 11.

or, more accurately, whenever I get around to it.

Posted by drlynn at 17:11

30.08.2005

excursions

I miss going to plays. I miss going to concerts. Neither of which I've done in over a year. Both of which are tons of fun and are tax-deductable as professional research! It's sad; I spend so much time around Chicago, a major cultural hub, and yet I rarely get down there to see anything. I've wanted to see Blue Man Group for years. Wicked, while I'm not terribly fond of musicals, promises to be interesting. There's TONS of smaller theatres that run interesting stuff all the time. Concert-wise, I'd love to see Green Day, Maroon 5, SmashMouth (or any of a number of other bands) live, but I just can't seem to get around to doing it. I guess part of it is that I don't want to go by myself, but no one else seems to be interested when I mention it. ah well. :/

Posted by drlynn at 00:13

28.08.2005

not the three-day music fest

So this week I got to know the city (village? town?) of Woodstock a little bit better. They were holding an 'art walk' around the square tonight and I decided to check it out. I'm glad I did. I got to see some amazing local art that I couldn't afford and got a little more acclimated to finding my way around town. I just need to drive around a place on my own for a while and then I get a sense for it. Now that I've had a couple excursions, I'm feeling better about the whole thing. Still got a way to go, but progress!

ahh... I had something else to say, but it has apparently slipped my mind.

Is it true that there's less than two weeks left in summer? Sadness.

Posted by drlynn at 02:17

23.08.2005

life, the universe, and nothing

I have come dangerously close to becoming a slug lately. It's at once glorious and boring as hell. I have had occasion to get out some lately, and it's been much appreciated and well worth the ever-increasing expense of gas. But mostly I've been loafting around, managing to keep busy, but not really get anything done that I should be working on...

The portfolio's done for now, except for the cover, which I really should be working on. I've started preliminary gradschool research. I've more or less decided that, if I go, I'm not leaving the WI/IL/ID area. There are two schoools on the list so far that violate that; I'll have to give them some thought. One of them is CMU. Do I really want to go to CMU?

shhhh - don't tell anyone, but I'm starting to appreciate anime. I suppose it was just a matter of being exposed to the right stuff (as I'm sure anyone will tell you.) That's not to say that some of it still doesn't make me more than a little wary, but I'm definately more open minded than I used to be. Hell knows it's an addiction that I can't afford to have....

Speaking of addiction... I can't believe it, but I'm trying to find a way to get a TiVo for when I get back to school. I've always known that there was good TV out there, but I've never been willing to plan my life around it. TiVo allows me to have my own life AND see the good TV and who can't appreciate that? Now I just need to find $100 for a box. And I really don't feel like hooking it up to my computer, so I'd probably want to invest in a television or, to revive a dead subject, a monitor with a built-in TV tuner... Again, a habit I can't afford to have...

I've more or less resigned myself to being a poor theatre person, but I still want to whine about it for a little while longer... *sigh*

I've been a bit of an emotional time-bomb lately. I don't know what it is. I thought I'd worked stuff out. Come to terms with certain things. But just when I seem to have it all under control, something hits me and I crumple, thinking sad things which I have trouble expressing. Most days are good, though. Looking at the calendar (and the pill-pack in my nightstand) the most recent crazyness may be a result of that whole monthly hormonal BS, but I don't know, that usually feels different if it happens, makes me angry, not weepy. Perhaps it's just end of summer tension.

...

Goddammit. I'm over-thinking things again. It's time to go to bed.

Posted by drlynn at 23:57

5.08.2005

the dude abides

It occurs to me that I've been remiss in my duties as a blogger. Not only have I not been providing many updates, those I have provided are generally meaningless prattle. As interesting as my boring life may be, I've definately stagnated this summer, and spending so much time not writing certainly isn't the way to stay in practice.

Wow. That paragraph sounds horribly pretentious. I always sound that way when I'm trying too hard. *sigh* I'll leave it for posterity. Or something.

I got bored yesterday and did something to my hair again. As I always do when I'm truely bored with where I am. This time, it was highlights. Nothing drastic, just blonder. The sun wasn't doing it this summer, so I said "fuck this" and went to the chemicals. Good results with Garnier Fructisse (sp?) - I'd recommend it.

Anyway, back to the personal update prattle. I've actually had an amazingly productive couple of days. Yesterday I camped at my local Colonial Cafe for several hours and took advantage of their free high-speed internet access. During this time, removed from the distractions of home and those it contains, I was able to finally catch up on old email (holy cow, email sent in May really should have been replied to by now) as well as take care of some odds and ends that have been floating around.

Returning home, my productive streak continued and I selected and edited all the photos I currently possess that I want to put in my portfolio. I started printing them this evening, but I realized that I'm going to need more paper (plain paper gets wrinkly with that much ink, and I only had 5 sheets of the good stuff.) Although, it looks like I might also need a black ink cartidge too. (Doing some testing as I write.) At some point in the near future after I've completed my printing, I'll need to pop into work and use the paper cutter to cut them apart. I know for a fact that I can't cut a straight line with sissors and this is one thing that I don't want to mess up.

I went and saw War of the Worlds with E tonight. I... really need to re-read the book. I seem to recall the original having so much more plot than the movie did, but that might just be selective memory. I've downloaded the eBook. (Thank you, Project Gutenberg!) and shall read it soon. (At only 113 printed pages, it shouldn't take me too long.) Obvious plot issues aside (as in, it didn't really have one and spent WAY too long on character development) it certainly was a thing to look at. That alone was worth the $7 (thank you, honey ;) for the ticket. I'll save anymore commentary for once I've done with the book...

I still haven't registered for the GRE. I just don't have the $115 and dad doesn't seem to have it either. I'll raise the issue again tomorrow. I don't know that I would want to take it at the end of the month, though. I certainly don't have a lot of time for preparation.... But, then again, would I have been working on it all summer? Doubtful.

Working backwards in time, earlier this week found me in Milwaukee, roaming around the MU campus. Being on a university campus in the middle of a (fairly) big city cemented in my mind what three years at Knox have told me already. I'm a city girl most of the time. I missed it. Any graduate school I choose to attend is going to have to be in a fairly urban area (although I can't think of many that aren't) or any job I take is going to have to be in, or within spitting distance of, one. As far as Milwaukee goes, I like it a lot. On a first impression basis, anyway. Not too huge, well situated, pretty, clean. I could call it home if fate brought me there. Although at this point, I don't know what would. I seem to recall, a while back, taking some test online that was supposed to figure out which cities were the best match for you, and I believe it was fairly high on that list. In summary: good times were had by all, and I'm very glad we went.

Now that I've started this sort of productive streak, I hope to keep it up. I know that I've said that before, but I guess I'm starting to feel the crunch now. As it gets closer and closer to the time to go back to Knox (Sept. 6) I'm realizing that I'm scared shitless. Yep. Not about the last two terms there, but about what comes after and I realize as well that the only way I can control that is by acting and so act I must. I hope to have this portfolio more or less done by the end of next week, at least in its physical form. I'm going to need to put together an electronic version, no doubt, but I don't expect that should take too long, as the pictures are already done.

What's killed me, I think, that I would really have liked to spend more time on this summer, is grad school research. The internet and the school's respective web-sites is my first reference (for, if nothing else, phone numbers to call to contact real people) but lacking a high-speed connection makes me less inclined to do that and I'd feel bad leeching off someone's connection that much... Maybe I'll talk to M and see if he minds me sitting at work for a few hours... Right now my "long list" consists of 31 schools which I need to narrow to a "medium list" for more in-depth study and then to a "short list" to which I will actually apply. eep. I hated the college application process. Not really looking forward to this one, either. I'm confident, but realistic. And I really should stop dwelling on this now, as it's tearing me up in knots. Moving on...

Well, I'm not entirely sure what I'm moving on to... I suppose I should close with a little more than the day-to-day events. Emotionally, mentally, I've been doing alright. It's been a little rocky, I'll admit. I'm beginning to remember why I don't like spending extended periods of time with my family. I'm thinking a lot about the future, some good some bad. I've had a really shitty self-image lately. Feeling like the most unattractive thing on the planet. *sigh* Skinny girls wandering around in skimpy summer attire doesn't help much. I feel this wanting to spiral into a Rumination of it's own, so I'll stop that train of thought right there.

Generally, there's a lot of uncertainty in my life, something I'm not terribly comfortable with at all. But I'm learning. I'm learning to deal with some things, and to change others. Hopefully I'm growing. I am feeling better as time goes on.

Posted by drlynn at 01:39 | Comments (1)

30.07.2005

*sniffle*

Since when do people get sick in the middle of the summer? *sigh* This better be gone by tomorrow. Thankfully it feels like it's on its way out...

Posted by drlynn at 23:00

28.07.2005

too thinky

I've determined that I've been obsessing too much lately about some things and letting my... stupidity... get in the way of what really needs the attention. If I put half that energy into understanding and accepting instead of attempting to overcome, I'd be set. I'm trying. Here's to making compromises, an hopefully making things better.

... and I realize that most people (noone?) will understand most (all?) of this, but that's OK. I just needed to get it out. If you do, good. And thank you.

Posted by drlynn at 02:16

20.07.2005

life's a long song...

I feel like I should be writing here, posting here, more often, but I'm not because I've been practically illiterate lately. I've been living in a bit of a haze. I'm floating along. Some days are better than others, some worse. I've been working, and that's a good thing. I threw a bit of a party last weekend for the Chicago-area folks and I'm happy to say that it went very well (even if I did go a little crazy in the planning and there were some minor snafus in getting every one there.)

I'm been feeling a little weird lately, because we're going to be going to my cousin's wedding this weekend. He and his sister are my next oldest cousins and they're both getting married (he this summer, she next) leaving me next in line. Erp. Speaking to my grandmother the other day, she was awfully interested in the status of my relationship. *sigh* I'm not looking forward to dealing with it. Hopefully, she should be the only person so interested. I'm also not looking forward to 5 hours in the car with the family, but I'll have my iPod and a book or two, so I should come out of it in one piece.

Anyway. enough of my complaining.

Posted by drlynn at 09:51

14.07.2005

mmorpg black hole?

*sigh* Why do I have this sinking feeling that I'll soon be joining the ranks of the Warcraft Widows?

Posted by drlynn at 00:53

10.07.2005

left behind by the gravy train

The new job sucks, but we all knew that. The job search continues.

Washed the bed linens today and kicked up a bunch of dander. WAY congested.

Been reading old entries in this here journal. Now I'm all thinky.

Lonely.

Posted by drlynn at 00:19

9.07.2005

it's a long way down/ on this rollercoaster

... continuing with the Alanis lyric titles. It seems to be an Alanis sort of month. Or something.

[interlude: I hear a bat. In the house. Again. *sigh* Oh well, I'll let someone else deal with it this time.]

Obviously, I'm still alive. I've actually been working a lot lately. Got a job as a telemarketer - calling people to set appointments for a room-cleaning by a Kirby vacuum/shampoo salesman. Today was my first day on the phone... I feel...less dirty than I thought I would. You may all commence hating me. Remember, when called by a telemarketer, tell them "Put me on your Do Not Call list" exactly that way or they won't stop calling you. Everything else is intrepreted as "call me back later". *sigh* I don't know how long this gig'll last. I don't think I'll quit (unless I can find something that sucks less) but I don't imagine they'll keep me long if I continue with today's trend (a big zero on the board). I do think, however, that all the "be positive" and "team building" crap is going to get to me.

Also, helping renovate the Subway with some of the theatre folk for phat cash. I have to admit, it's been a lot of fun and it's going to be really rewarding to see the place all done and shiny. :)

I snapped twice today at the theatre. The first time I was already pretty close to the end of my rope - I'd tried being nice and I tried being subtle, but I guess I wasn't being clear or something. It had gotten to the point where a certain behavior had moved past the realm of "enh, whatever" to alienating and more than a little insulting. If you know me at all, you know I don't tend to take things personally or get really angry, but today, I just couldn't handle it anymore. (And I don't think I was the only one. I'm just a big enough bitch sometimes to say something.) I'll admit, I was nastier than I should of been, and I really hope I didn't offend anyone... The second time was just me being frustrated and rushed and I was definately in the wrong (thankfully, this was a lot less grevious than the first one.)

Yeah, I had a pretty crappy day today. Not because of anything specific, really, just a sour mood making a OK day worse. It's not really the fault of anyone around me, I don't think, although I could think of a few things that would make it better. Like getting rid of this knot that's been in my shoulder since last night.

Maybe I'm getting spoiled by having a single at school, but I'm finding myself really missing my privacy. I mean, it's not like I can't go in my room and shut my door, but it's just not the same. They could come barging in at any time and I've been yelled at one too many times to "join the rest of the family" to really feel comfortable chilling up here. I'm probably just being overly neurotic and need to get over it, but that's the way I feel, damnit.

Not to mention, I really just miss close physical contact. Haven't been getting much of that lately. At the risk of sounding dirtier than I intend, I'm a "physical" sort of person. I guess that's what I get for going to IMSA and hanging out in a place refered to as "the womb". Well, maybe that's more of a chicken-egg senario, but you get the idea.

Ok. I'm exhausted and I have to be up in five hours. The stars are pretty outside, bit I need to stop looking at them and get to sleep.

Posted by drlynn at 02:17

28.06.2005

I'm here but I'm really gone

still alive.

Had a pretty disappointing day. Stupid weather. Stupid inability to generate acceptable plan B. Stupid heat. Stupid paranoid and irrational brain agonizing over nothing. Stupid ache that's developed behind my sternum. Yet another day ended watching the TV. I really, really, need to break out of this funk.

It's not like I don't have things to do. It's just that, being home, I'm definately feeling pressure to spend time with my family, but their evening activities consist of sitting in front of the television. As I am unable to read in front of the TV, that rules that out. I need to work on my portfolio and the theatre website, but both of those activities require the use of my monitor which is on my desk, in my room, one of the hottest rooms in the house. I also need to register and study for the GRE. Yeah, that ain't happening. I need and oil change and to pay my phonebill first 'cuz it doesn't appear dad's going to do it.

And you know what? right now, I really don't want another job. I'm tried of chasing my ass around. I like the idea of having some down time, time for myself the books that have been sitting unread on my shelf for a year. It's only the concern over making credit card payments and keeping gas in my car that's created this pit in my stomach over the whole issue. Call me a spoiled brat if you will, but I don't want to work a job simply for the paycheck. Not now. I'm blessed that I have a family that didn't kick me out of the house the minute I turned 18 and I'll be damned if I'm not appreciating it. I'm excited that I get to go to work tomorrow and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I've basically killed the TV/Monitor idea and there's no way in hell I can afford the harddrive. Not unless I win the lottery that I don't bother to play. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking that I thought I could pull that off.

And I'm getting tired of the dynamic around here. Dad doesn't do things, Mom gets upset and bitches at me either about it or because of it. It's all very tense and uncomfortable at times. S needs to get a job, any job, so that he's not regularly asking for money (hipocritical? only slightly. I don't ask for money and I DO have a job.) Here he's taken a page from my father's book - Dad called and GOT HIM A JOB, all he had to do was go and fill out the paperwork, and he BLEW IT OFF with NO REPERCUSSIONS because my father's passive agressive and my mother learned a long time ago that S doesn't listen to a damned thing she says anyway.

I'm sorry this is so whiny, but that's how I'm feeling right now. Disgustingly whiny. It can't all be roses all the time. Maybe I'll buy a lottery ticket tomorrow. Lacking anything better to do, I'm going to bed now.

Posted by drlynn at 01:54

25.06.2005

modern electronics OR attack of the space monkeys

So just when I decide that my modem really does seem to be kicking the bucket, take the plunge, and place a bid for a new one on eBay, the old one starts working again. *sigh* Like it knew it was getting replaced or something. I didn't it use it to place the bid! It's sneaky, I tell you. Sneaky little devil. Good thing I didn't win that auction...

Best Buy has an AWESOME deal on a 120gig Western Digital harddrive right now. I've been wanting to get some disk for a while so I can back things up, and I'd be stupid not to do it now. So this means I have to find $100 (plus tax) to get the thing (and then get $60 back later in a rebate.) I think I can do it.

Also, it's occured to me lately that I can sell my current LCD flat panel and my TV tuner card that works only so well, and have enough money to buy a LCD monitor of the same size with the TV tuner built in. It's really tempting. In order to do this, though, I would have to sell my monitor and card and be without until the monitor arrived.... Well, I haven't used it in three weeks, how bad could it be? I say that, of course, and I'll find myself wanting to watch a movie in my room two days after it ships out. *sigh* Samsung makes a really nice one that I was looking at; I'd post a link, but I can't get anything to load right now...

I think I'm going to go out tomorrow and see if I can't find some place that has free wireless. This dial-up thing really sucks when it comes to trying to price things out and list on eBay.

Oh, and the AC upstairs isn't working again. I think my family's destined to just not have AC. We didn't have it in Michigan (didn't really need it then) and then when we moved out here, we had a unit set up for the upstairs, but it didn't work (we knew that when we moved it). After the fire, they fixed the upstairs unit and installed one for the downstairs. It sorta worked last fall, but we had to get it worked on because it was leaking down from the attic into the smoke detectors and such. Well, it's since gotten warm again (high of 96 with a heat index around 105 today...) and now that we want to use it, it won't work. Dad had a guy out to fix it today who said the freon just needed charged. He charged it and it worked fine for a while, managed to cool the house down quite a bit, and by the time my dad got home at 8 or so today, it had stopped working again. Most of my family is sleeping downstairs tonight. I am so very, very tempted, but my bed is so comfortable...

My brother's going to the Taste of Chicago tomorrow for free. Lucky bastard. His friend's mother got free wristbands from work (wristband = free samples from everyone) Lucky bastard.

Myself, I've been invited to join B and go to Pride on Sunday. I'm debating. I like the idea of spending time with him (he works alot and I'm, you know, 160 miles away most the time) but I'm not terribly thrilled with the idea of being in the heat with thousands of other hot sweaty people in downtown Chicago and no doubt being hit on by other women. Don't get me wrong, there was a day when I would have loved it, lived it up, and flirted right back, but not so much anymore. I'm kinda committed, you know? Maybe if it weren't so hot outside I wouldn't mind it so much...

Anyway. My computer's making my lap REALLY hot right now. I think it's telling me that it's time for bed.

Posted by drlynn at 01:43 | Comments (3)

23.06.2005

being home

oh how I love it! Doing things I don't want or need to do so I don't wind up having an irrational fight with my mother. The sweet sounds of her yelling at my brother floating up the stairs. *sigh* Welcome home.

[Disclaimer: it's not bad all the time and this isn't a "oh my family life sucks" whiny post. I'm actually quite lucky when it comes to family. It's just that, lately, they've been getting on my nerves.]

Posted by drlynn at 11:28

21.06.2005

lakeside sunset

It was fairy-tale perfect. A good movie, dinner, and then a walk on the beach watching the sun set, skipping stones, and listening to the surf and the sounds of people playing in the water. It was beautiful and happy.

The only thing that could have made it better was if it hadn't had to end. Even though, I'm floating happily a few inches above the ground. I hope summer has more days like this in store.

Posted by drlynn at 00:00

20.06.2005

a long strange trip

Well, not entirely, but it sure feels like it sometimes. My apologies for those who actually look to this medium for updates on my life. Beetween the chaos of coming back home from school, locking myself out of my MT account for a while, and then actually having to work *gasp* I've found precious little time to actually sit down and scratch things off my to-do list. This being one of those things.

Life is good, so far. I love summer, where-in everything I do I do on my own volition and time-schedule (mostly). Keeps me saner, it does. I'm getting settled back into life at home with the bother, the 'rents, and the cats around all the time. It's nice to have people to come home to, even if S is getting my nerves quite a bit.

I've been trying to get as many hours as I can at the Raue, but summer's are dead and this one's no exception. Other options have dead-ended so far, the only one left live, it seems, is working at Subway for T. I'm certainly not opposed to that, but alas, it would be nice to do theatre work...

That said, I did free-lance with E last week, mounting a show in Lake Villa that had been at the Raue earlier this month. We had our work cut out for us, getting this theatre (clearly run by people who had no clue what they were doing, technically speaking) into a workable, flexible configuration. We'll be able to leave things set up as they are, so hopefully they'll be able to use what we've given them and maybe learn something. E's mentioned offering to give them workshops up there, and I really hope he follows up on that. They have a really nice theatre, I'd like to see kids interested in figuring out out to use it and have fun with it.

Continuing in the trend of everyone I know getting hitched, I'll be heading out to Ohio/Michigan for my older cousin's wedding this July. Hopefully this trip will be bundled with a bit of a vacation. Macinaw's been mentioned a couple of times and I'll be the first to say that doesn't bother me one bit. Other ideas with other parties have been mentioned, but not lately, so I don't know what's up with those. We shall see. It's not looking like I'm going to have a lot of extra cash to spend galavanting around the country, so I'll be spending a lot of time around here. You're more than welcome to stop by and visit, of course!

The annual IAA meeting was this weekend. As usual, it was great to see people that I haven't seen in quite a while and meet some alum that I know only by login and reputation. It's interesting how geeks never grow up, they just age....

Well, that's enough rambling for now. It seems that I've been getting out of practice when it comes to writing. Shame on me. Anyway, I've got errands to run, caio!

Posted by drlynn at 01:17

13.06.2005

back on-line- will update more later.

hey all, I am still alive

Posted by drlynn at 21:35

21.05.2005

saturday night life

So, I'll admit: I'm a bit of a loser. I get some free time on a Saturday night, and what do I do? Update my webpage, that's what. I have this small inkling of a hope that there are still people who read this, so I clutch to that and type away.

The last few weeks have been nothing if not crazy. The Dance Concert has come and gone. I'm more or less done with one of my classes now. I've completed two scenic designs and managed to avoid going completely insane.

First and most recently: the dance concert. This year's Spring Formal Dance Concert was a blast. Initially I'd wanted to avoid having to be on the run crew, but I wound up needing to be there anyway and quickly realized how much I missed being on a show crew. I was freaking out a bit because sometimes it seems like noone in this department wants to make a commitment, but M came to my rescue and for that I will love him (and A and N) For Ev Er. All I have to say is Stage Right Rules! Well, ok, that's not all I have to say. Designing for two pieces was a little crazy, but I managed and did some work that I'm really proud of. As Production Coordinator, I gathered together designers, doled 'em out to choreographers, and put together a plot. I'm really damn proud of that plot. The colors worked really well and everything looked pretty damn good. I'm beginning to think that I'm getting the hang of this lighting thing. ;)

Scenic design's plugging along. I finally managed to get caught up last weekend with the project I missed in my week out of town. Pictures are forthcoming, for those who care.

Visual Culture Theory can bite me. I don't feel like I'm learning anything and a certain someone in the class keeps monopolizing the discussions. Having a three-hundred level theory course with no prerequisites is just a BAD IDEA. *sigh* Stupid Preceptorial program.

Initially, my final "hole-filling/cap-stone experience" for Senior Seminar was to design a theatre space and pick the lighting inventory to go in it. Totally cool. Well, the week away caused the 'designing' part to be reduced to a 'picking' part. Then at the beginning of last week, C and I realized that I really should just be doing this for Harbach. I know the space, we have a budget, and someone needs to do it, so that someone became me. I spent some time this week on the horn getting bids (which reminds me, I need to call DesignLab...) and digging through a pile of supply catalogs. Total lighting geek fun. The result is a pretty viable inventory and I've certainly learned a lot! Going into this week I knew practically squat about automated fixtures, and now I'm pretty confident that I can make all this happen. I've still got to figure out the details about the DMX wiring and such, but thankfully we have some time to get that worked out. At the same time, I want it now Now NOW.... *barely concealed excitement*

Personally, I've been doing alright. Keeping to myself a lot, just 'cuz that's what I do sometimes. I go through phases. For a while I'll hang out with a lot of people and be around a lot and then for a while, I just want to chill by myself or with just a few close folk. (Please don't feel that I've been neglecting you if you haven't seen much of me lately. It's certainly not personal and I still love you!)

I know it seems a little silly, but I spent some money on myself last weekend, and that felt good. It's first time in a while I've had it to spend and I needed shorts and shirts for summer. So now I have a little more color in my wardrobe. (Sorry, E, I tried to find long chick's shorts and couldn't, so I gave up and bought guys, but I still have chick's denim, so it won't be all baggy all the time!) My big splurge of the weekend was on some cheap-ass DVDs at the video store that's closing here in town. Looking at what I have, it's becoming clear that I have a bit of an affinity for sci-fi and dark comedy. Noted.

Still not sure what the summer's going to look like. I'm going to pick up as many hours as I can at the Raue and B&N, but I'm also sticking my name out in a couple other places too. We'll see what happens, eh? Regardless of what I'm doing work-wise, I'm going to try to have as much fun in the sun as I can. Woo-boy do I need it. As it stands, my family's trying to plan a trip to Mackinaw (yay!) and K's going to be in the 'burg, and has promised to make a few weekend trips up in my direction. In the less-fun realm, I need to take the GRE at the end of the summer which means studying over the summer, research grad schools, and I should probably get my wisdom teeth pulled finally. *sigh* Oh well. I guess it can't all be fun and games.

I suppose that's all I have to say for now. To nosh!

Posted by drlynn at 21:52

13.05.2005

sotd

"Sweetest Goodbye" - Maroon 5

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I’ll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how i
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I’ll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

Posted by drlynn at 01:51

7.05.2005

alive

... and that's about it.

Still not doing much. Seriously lacking in motivation. Maybe this week's predicted thunderstorms will force me to spend some quality time inside. Either that, or I'll just sit and watch the lightening. *sigh*

I was very amused by this this morning. How true.

I had a dream about kittens last night. It was wonderful. I think they were C and S's kittens, but in the dream they were mine. Small and cute and warm and somehow comforting. I think E thinks I'm silly for getting excited about his barn cats having kittens, but what can I say? They're little curious and care-free furballs. I wish I could be so lucky.

Alright. So. I should be productive today. Yeah. We'll see how well this goes. With Sigma Nu formal tonight and all...

Posted by drlynn at 10:32

4.05.2005

massive missive

Ok, well maybe not so massive, but I feel I owe it to you.

A lot's happened in the past week or so, very little of which has been homework, sadly enough. (Well, actually, right now, I don't really care about some of the work. I'm sure that'll change, but it's kind of.. liberating... in a way.)

The trip to NC was... eventful. My extended family is certifiably insane, in good ways and bad. To sum it up: a lot of stress, not a lot of sleep, beautiful scenery, and one MASSIVE allergy attack. The journey there and back was good research for the design I'm currently working on for scenic design. Lots of geography. Gorgeous. I'd love to go back when I can linger and get lost on some back roads in the mountains ;)

I'm still feeling the effects of the allergy attack in the form of what I suspect to be a sinus infection with possible ear infection(s) added into the mix. Woozy, congested, and lethargic are my symptoms. If I'm not feeling better by the end of tomorrow, I'm going to get myself to the doctor.

In other news, the Saga of the Cellphones has finally drawn to a close. In the end, we wound up killing the current contract with Cingular. Unfourtunately, he did it before I could get my number ported over to Sprint. Alas. So now I have a new number, but that's OK because it's on my (relatively) NEW PHONE!! The number is:

eight four seven, three four six, nine eight nine four

So I now have a working phone again. Yay! If you call me and say hey, I'll even put you in my address book ;)

Besides that, I'm swamped to the gills and lacking the energy to tread water. Woo metaphors. Anyway, yeah. So I'm going to go to bed now and try to get over whatever this is. TTFN.

Posted by drlynn at 00:45

25.04.2005

note the time

Good lord am I exhausted. Feeling better, one might even say upbeat, but exhausted. And in desperate need of a back massage.

Posted by drlynn at 04:45

23.04.2005

life, the universe, and everything

The Hitch-hiker's movie came out this week. I'm tempted to go see it this weekend, but I should probably wait...

I'm not feeling the greatest right now. The last week has been extremely long and tiring and I seem incapable lately of getting the 12 hour streach of sleep I really need. (I woke up again after exactly 8 hours this morning.) I'm satisfied with the work we did on this show and I'm happy for it, but I now need some time to recover, but life just doesn't seem to want to give me that.

Last weekend was emotional, painfully honest, and in the end for the better, but it left me drained, which is never a good way to start tech week. The week was long, and smack dab in the middle I got that job rejection. By Friday, things were really looking up. The show was up to much esteem, electrics got going on the mainstage returning me to the comfortable role of mainstage ME and providing a bit of a catharsis. E sent me flowers for our 6 month, and they brought color to what had been a gray haze for a while. Was still exhausted, but positive.

Then it all started sliding back downhill again. Or so it seems. I know he says not to worry, but I can't help but ache. I don't feel like it's my fault, but I feel like there's nothing I can do, especially from here, and that hurts. Even if it is 'comfortable', it just doesn't seem right and it makes me sad. I needed to unload the stresses of the week to someone sympathetic, and I felt like I was talking at him as opposed to with him. I feel helpless and useless; I'm certainly not being a fantastic rock to lean on right now. Things were so good. I don't know how this is going to change them. I'm scared.

Last night, as I was laying in bed trying not to cry anymore and get some sleep, this feeling washed over me, one that used to be so familar - the mix of physical fatigue, mental exhaustion, and that lack of ability to get to sleep, resulting in dispair and a gut-wrenching sense of agony. It's the same feeling I used to get late at night in the hospital, when everyone was telling me to get some sleep but I couldn't because I'd rested all day and I was sick and tired and just wanted to go home. All alone in a sea of people. It's scary and its visit last night is making it hard for me to deal with the rest of my life right now.

Lately it seems like every weekend I go on a crying jag. Like it's my pressure valve, letting off the excess steam of the week, incited by the trauma of the weekend. Like a fucking soap opera. It's good, in a way, because it means I'm finally being honest with myself, but it leaves me raw and sore. Maybe it's just April. Maybe May will be better.

And my fucking phone still doesn't work.

Posted by drlynn at 11:17 | Comments (1)

20.04.2005

mailed: 6; offers: 0; rejections: 1

Just got my first rejection letter ever. Didn't get the job I wanted at Northwestern this summer. Sadness. Ah well. Life goes on.

The sky was the color of E's eyes this morning. It was beautiful. Now it's raining. So goes my mood.

(It's tech week and I'm slowly going insane. I'll update more elaborately later.)

Posted by drlynn at 14:32

11.04.2005

what's the big deal?

It's been a long week. Well, for that matter, it's been a long couple of terms. Lately, with a little help, I've finally been able to talk through what's been bothering me and figure out what's going on and how to deal with it. At least, to the best of my ability. So I'm sorry if I've seemed out of it lately, or irritable, or moody. I've had a lot on my mind.

I've been living in cycles of three years - 3 at Burlington Central, 3 at IMSA, and now I'm in year 3 at Knox. Nearing what feels like it should be the end of a cycle is strange, because I feel like I should be moving on, but I'm not. At the same time, I'm very, very tired of moving from place to place (every 9 months or so) and I'm very much ready to settle down in a place of my own and nest. I want to come home after a long day to someone I love (and hopefully a cat or two,) sleep in my own bed, and truely be able to seperate working space from living space.

Counting IMSA, this is year 6 of my "higher education" experience. It's been a long and exhausting haul, and at times now it doesn't seem like I have anything left in me to go on. I'm tired. I'm tired of doing work I don't want to do, and doing it for other people. I'm tired of having my attention divided into so many pieces. I'm want to be out on my own, working for myself (even if it is for other people.) "But Chelsea," you say, "you are working for you." Yes, but it's different, I can't explain it.

This, of course, has gotten me questioning my post-secondary eductaional plans. For the longest time it's always been just assumed that I would go to grad school. It wasn't even questioned, really, and so far my advisors have all pushed me to go. I could very easily see it becoming just another lament. I feel that I could do alright right out of college, so why amass the debt even futher when I could be making money? It took a few people finally saying to me, "you know, you have a choice," to finally get through to me that indeed I do. I've decided that I'm going to put equal effort into looking for jobs and looking at schools. Most importantly, I'm not going to subject myself to a program if there's anything I don't like about it. After three years, it'll just become a thorn in my side.

Yes. It feels good to get this all out. This of course doesn't mean that I'm perfect or infalliable or whatever. I am still human after all. But now that I have a good idea of what's been contributing to my stress and instability. Hopefully things will be better from here on out.

Now to the massive list of things I have to do. Oy. Never, ever, ever, ever again am I designing both set and lights for the same show unless I'm being paid (decently well) to do so. This is insane. When I finish my light plots, I'll have 8 draftings for this show, a model, and a LOT more free time. Let's just say that I'm getting to know the drafting studio REAL well so far this term. Come week 5, the worst of it will be over.

Now to just try to make it to the weekend.

Adios. Goodnight.

Posted by drlynn at 00:33 | Comments (2)

10.04.2005

sotd

I can't tell you how much this is a sotd.

Posted by drlynn at 10:08

4.04.2005

guh.

guh guh guh guh guh.

Why does everything have to suck all at once? Nothing sucks big, it's just all sucking at the same time. *sigh* More when I'm more coherent.

Posted by drlynn at 13:48

15.03.2005

SPRING BREAK

Home on spring break. No always-on internet connection means you don't have to listen to me babble for a while.

... Until I get back to school. *insert menical laughter here*

*grin*

Posted by drlynn at 14:36

9.03.2005

*snap*

And now I have rice crispies and got to chat with E. All is well with the world.

Posted by drlynn at 23:45

starts with "pro"...

... ends with "astinate".

teeheehee. "astinate"

Anyway. Displays of incrediable mental acquity aside, I'm bushed. I'm burned out. Tired. Wiped. I could keep going, really. Despite, or perhaps because of this, I've been making wonderful little observations and realizations all over the place in the past few days. I'm continually finding myself thinking "I should blog about this" and then, of course, I never do. Well shame on me. Maybe if I ever get my phone activated, I can write that sort of thing down and eventually post as often as I think I should. One second hand, maybe that's not a fantastic idea after all. Right.

In case you aren't connected to the Knox world and/or live in a hole, it's most definately finals season. Of course, the stuff that I'm most concerned about has nothing to do with finals and I won't let myself do it until I'm done with classwork. Since the class work's not getting done, nothing's getting done. The policy's great in theory, but not so great in practice, I suppose.

I'd give a running list of things I have to do, but in reality I know maybe only one or two of you really care, and you'll hear it from me more times than you'd ever want to anyway, so I'll save myself the keystrokes. I'm realizing that my dream of having it all done by Saturday is less and less likely, so I might find myself staying through Sunday so that I can have Saturday to get shit done. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get my entire paper written tomorrow, and then I would have Friday to do stuff.... hrm. Here's hoping, anyway.

School work aside, I've been doing alright. Went home for the first time in a month. Very very glad I did. First time I think I've ever cried with happiness... It was very weird and yet very warm and wonderful. And pillow fights are fun, even when my face does turn bright red. You should all see Garden State. It's a very good movie.

I've got a couple job/internship prospects I'm investigating for the summer, as well as taking a class at ECC and trying to pick up as many hours as I can at work. Why can't I ever just sit on my ass for a summer, anyway? Oh. Yeah. I'm poor. But of course, I can't do anything about them, like write cover letters and finish my resume, until I get my finals done. *sigh*

Oh, yeah, and if you have any idea what to get a 25 year-old gamer with everything for his birthday, let me know. :P

Now, back to the ancient greeks and wanting to gauge my eyes out.

PS: I own an IPASS now. Yay tax return!

Posted by drlynn at 20:08 | Comments (3)

26.02.2005

thank you, mr tax man

When to balance my check book today and what should I find but my tax return, waiting oh-so-patiently for me to do something with it. w00t. Now the question is, what do I do with it? The smart answer is to use it pay off a chunk of my credit card, but that's not fun. This is free money, I should enjoy it. (Besides, all that's left on it is what Dad owes me, and if I can ever get him to pony up for it....)

I'm thinking after the show this afternoon, or maybe between sound check and the show (I like this one better) I'll run to Target (spoken with the appropriate French pronounciation, of course) and buy me some headphones and maybe some more music to listen to through 'em. A few groceries, and I'll have spent most of it. (I don't make much, so I don't have much to get back.) Maybe I'll hit Amazon and pick up a few DVDs I've been eyeing. Yes. Me like. Any other ideas?

Posted by drlynn at 11:09

25.02.2005

this title is boring

It seems like just about everyone I know had a good day today. It's really interesting that way. Good Karma in the air, or something. Whatever it is, I'll take it.

It's good day #2 in this streak for me. Yesterday was certainly a roller coaster, but it ended in a most excellent manner. The show opened to rave reviews from C that had me floating on a cloud all night (and apparently my parents should save the date for the mainstage show next fall. *winkwink*) I might have found a roommate for next year, and my Dad's not against the idea of me living off-campus. Here's to having more independance. Even if it does come in the form of rent and bills.

To paraphrase a line in Eastern Standard: "This was a day to remember because it contained not a single memorable event." It was just a pleasant day. Nothing major happened, got some work done. Did some pleasure reading (*gasp*) and just kinda lolled around. E says I deserved to have such a good day; I don't know about deserved, but I certainly needed it.

I remebered that I dreamed last night for the first time in a while. I don't remeber what they were about, but I remember that E was in them. If I'm dreaming about him again, what does that mean? I guess it just means that a month is a long time...

I get to play C tomorrow, running a show that's going to be in Harbach in the evening. But that means I actually have to get up and work tomorrow. Alas! I think I can handle it.

Well, I hope you are one of those people that had a good day today! May the good karma continue.

Posted by drlynn at 23:20 | Comments (1)

19.02.2005

one down, one to go

Well, the curtain falls on yet another Knox success. I say that without a hint of sarcasm or ego. Ok, well, maybe just a little ego. Round Dance has been put to bed and I must say I'm really proud of the work that went into it and the product that came out of it. Personally, I have to say that I learned a lot working on this show (as I usually do) and I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to work on it. It was pretty and it was my doing. Ok, well, mine and C's. I can't wait to see the slides!

Many many thanks again to the beautiful Stage Manager who also knows how to operate the light board. When the special in scene four decided it wanted to strobe tonight instead of just STAY LIT LIKE A GOOD LITTLE LIGHT, her quick thinking silenced it and kept me from having a major heart attack. Props. Props indeed.

Tomorrow we strike and move right into Eastern Standard, about which I am incrediably excited. I'm trying some things differently this time; a few variances here and there from my usual color choices and techniques. It should prove to be a valuable learning experience (as studio should be) and I'm willing to bet it'll pay off. Here's hoping the cyc gets back from the shop well before Wednesday, because I would be really, REALLY disappointed if I don't get to play with it like I've been planning to.

I have to say that it's been a little rough working on two shows dealing so much with "love" (in all of its varying forms.) Especially when they're this good. But alas, we can't change our circumstances, so I march on. I'll put on my "mushy mix" and sniff the roses blooming so regally on my desk.

I just realized that right now is the most stress-free I've been in about, well, as long as my near-short-term memory can recall. Yesterday I more or less finished the drafting for E.S. All that's left to do is finish the hashing and I'm not terribly concerned about that. Gels are pulled and ready and things are moving along. I was able to get up this morning and get some class work done for the first time in a couple days. Prepared for the class that I have to teach on Tuesday, actually read the play for Doc Bob's class on Monday and wrote a response, and well, at least I thought about the project for Don... (I did do a little reseach on Perl and XML, so progress is being made.)

I had Chinese for lunch in good company and I bought new shoes.

The sky outside is a strange sort of twilight resulting from the snow-bearing clouds reflecting the city lights. Eerie in a way, yet suprisingly beautiful. Even if it does make me kind of lonely.

So I think I'm ready to declare today a Good Day. *somewhere a green indicator lights up* Still not sure that I'm in much of a partying mood, so maybe it'll be another quiet night in, but that's OK. I haven't the energy to run around dancing drunkenly anyway.

PS: I feel it's note-worthy that this is post 201 for Line Noise. Gee, I talk a lot. Or something...

Posted by drlynn at 22:53

18.02.2005

massage

I wish I could afford a massage, the full-body type. You know, one of those really good ones by someone who's studied for years so they could know just how to work those knots out of your shoulders. Pampered. It's been a long couple of weeks and I'm feeling it.

But really, I think I'd love to just feel that sort of caring touch again. I miss it.

Posted by drlynn at 02:04 | Comments (1)

13.02.2005

hellooooo tech week

exhausted. tired. wiped.

but accomplished.

Ya'll should come see my shows.
This week: (Wed-Sat) Round Dance
and next: (Thurs-Sat) Eastern Standard

Posted by drlynn at 22:21

2.02.2005

i seem to have an awful lot of "sot..."s

ah, angst. Just when I think I've banished you, you rear up again in full force. No, it's not the sappy-lovey angst of the past week. This week's the age-old acidemics angst. Whee. No matter how much I try to rationalize it away, I'm still really upset by the fact that I can't do half the stuff on this midterm and that's driving me insane. I'm considering dropping this course if things don't improve. I can do IT. I LOVE IT. I can't do Computer Science. I can study it, I can't *do* it. There's quite a difference there. I'm learning that I have to be able to see a direct application for things to get them. They have to feel useful. They can't be ambiguous, they can't be theoretical. They can't be stupid conditional probability problems with eighty million variables that I can't even begin to express. Fuck that.

Now, related to the subject - two songs that have hit me lately:

"Going Away to College" - blink-182
"Extraordinary Girl" - Green Day

Why can't I connect to everything the way I connect to music? Why can't I play with lines of code the way I can play with lines of words, lines of light, or lines in a layout? I want to be able to do it. I just can't. Dammit.

Posted by drlynn at 00:14 | Comments (1)

31.01.2005

new days bring brighter light

I accordance with my policy of no self-censoring, I'm leaving my drunken post of Saturday night. It's been a rough week, battling some personal demons, still struggling for a sense of balance in my life that meshes with my desires and priorities. By the time I fell asleep last night, I was doing MUCH better. Here's hoping I can maintain a grasp on what I found this weekend.

Posted by drlynn at 10:43

29.01.2005

hi, I'm neurotic, your name is?

So what do I do on the first day I start feeling like a human being again? Clean. Yep. I even got out the vaccuum. Now that I don't feel like I'm living in my own slop anymore, I can really start my day. And that means cleaning me. (I hate showering enough when I'm healthy, so I don't do it much when I'm sick, either. Now, I need it.) Then maybe, maybe, I'll start doing work. Heh. Yeah. Right.

Posted by drlynn at 15:02

26.01.2005

*achoo*

Trying so hard not to get sick. Feels like I'm failing. Still have my voice, but whatever this is appears to be moving around my body. Gland in my neck swollen to the size of a large bean. Fantastic.

Posted by drlynn at 01:58

21.01.2005

better late than never

I started writing this in class Friday morning, so I'll date it for then. There's been a bunch of random things floating around in my head for a week or so and I've been needing to write them out and explore 'em a bit. This is the result. Warning: disjoint and random at points.

I've noticed some changes in myself lately. Some of them have been developing for a while, some have been more recent. The first revolves around the keeping of my room. I used to be a sloppy mess, but then I lived with K for three years. I think, seeing her mess, I felt the need to compensate, to balance her chaos lest we never see the floor again. Now it's developed into a full-blown habit and pre-occupation. (Note that I didn't say clean, just neat.) I realised this lately as I've been in other people's places and the contrast between their chaos and my order is pretty striking.

Similarly, as I'm getting neater in my habits, I'm getting neater in my dress. I was looking at shoes in the mall yesterday, and although they were still guy's Airwalks, they weren't plain black like I've been wearing for so long. They had style and color. I've been buying and wearing nicer clothes (as referenced on previous dates, I'm sure) and since I've gotten the perm, I've been taking care of my hair and I even use styling products occasionally. (*gasp*)

I guess I'm growing up. In several ways I've been forced to grow up too fast, but parts of me lagged behind and are just now catching up. It's possible that they were being supressed by other things - allowing certain qualities to show through could be construed as a sign of weakness, perhaps, by my addled brain... Last night I had a dream that it was my 21st birthday and although it's something I've been looking forward to for years, it was no big deal, really, just another day that happened to end at a bar. Strangely enough, it was displaced in time and place versus how the actual one would happen, go figure.

The other day I was thinking about my developing feminity and some of the symptoms thereof. One of them is this weird pre-occupation I have with the pomp and circumstance around weddings. M pointed out to me that for all of my adult life so far and most of my adolescence I've been in serious relationships. It's what I know. It's natural then, she says, that as I'm taking the next step in other areas of my life (designing mainstage, gradschool, work, etc) that I would feel a drive to take that next step elsewhere too. My parents grew up in an age where they were encouraged to marry late by seeing their parents married so young. They've encouraged me to wait too, but as I see my friends around me married off, I can't help but think that the right time's different for everyone. I don't know whether that validates or invalidates my feelings; I need to see where things go before I can figure out anymore about that, I think.

Completely unrelated, it was pointed out to me the other day that an aquaintance of mine has started imitating me a bit. I don't know whether she's doing it consciously or sub-consciously, but she's started to pick up on some of my mannerisms. Reguardless of her intent and motivation, am I someone worthy of imitation? I've always looked up to other people and it's a very foreign feeling to be looked up to. I suppose I focus on my negative and neutral qualities, not recognizing the positive ones that someone might want to share. I assume, then, that the negative must in some respects outweigh the positive. I'm beginning to develop a sense of self-confidence that I'd never had before, and this plays interestingly with that in my head.

I've also gained, along with this new self-confidence, a more objective view of myself physically, an overall a more positive one here as well. While I still can't take a compliment very well, when I look in the mirror after a shower or whenever, I'm no longer repulsed by what I see or overwhelmingly desire to change it. I'm finally becoming happy with who I am. (That doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement that can/should be made, just that I obsess less/no longer.) I'm beginning to understand why it's said that I'm cute, and I can kinda see it now.

I started sleeping on my right side a bunch in the past few months. Maybe some of the childhood paranoia that kept me sleeping on my "bad" side so my "good" side would be free is finally fading.

Or maybe it's because if I sleep on my right side, I'm facing north.

I'm thinking about writing fiction again. I don't think anyone who would read this now knew me in the days when I created angsty characters to explore my angsty life. Rest assured, you didn't miss much. I can't say that this time around will be any better, but I'm open to another way to explore the things I'm going through. I'm going to add another category here, "Other Worlds," in which I'll place these musing. I ask only that you try not to look too hard to find yourself in what I write - you might be there, but that's not the point, and it's not you. Just know that if you want to talk about something I write, you can. That's why it's up for the world to read.

...

I dance around my room when I'm happy. I'm learning to cry when I'm sad. I'm finally growing into myself. I'm recognizing myself as a person in my own right. These are all good things. (Even the crying bit - it means I'm letting myself feel and express negative emotions. Even better news for my ulcers.)

"...See me
Talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me

Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind

I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be..." - "Unwell," Matchbox Twenty

Posted by drlynn at 10:39 | Comments (1)

19.01.2005

*blink*

ahhhhh!!!! stress!!!!

Posted by drlynn at 10:49

4.01.2005

first day of classes

done and done. tomorrow's just one class, the one I'm TAing. Should be a good day.

Today was a good (and expensive) day. Textbooks, groceries, and a new phone. Woo!

Now, I tired. So I leave you with the sotd:

"Miss You" - Incubus

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
"I miss you"?
I see your picture,
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

Posted by drlynn at 03:18

16.12.2004

my poor credit card's feelin' the burn

Of course I really should be getting to bed, but I'm not, I'm updating this thing.

I'm considering my holiday spending binge complete. Certain people are REALLY hard to shop for. (I'm looking at you, E. :P ) Everything has been wrapped and they're absolutely GORGEOUS. I always go really gung-ho on the wrapping because even if what's inside isn't all that fantastic, if well-presented, it means that much more. Presentation matters, my friends. This year's theme was blue and white in a variety of combinations. I'll try to get a good picture up tomorrow for posterity. It's kinda silly how much fun I have doing this, but I'm really proud of the results. :)

Holiday cards have been started! I'm 1/3 done and out of ideas, though, so I'll finish 'em tomorrow.

My car's in the shop. Drove S's around today. Nice. Needs a CD player, though. (Only has a tape deck that apparently makes a whining noise.) Just realized I left my iTrip in my car. Damn. Guess I'll have to put up with the radio or the noise.

Anyway. I should sleep. You should too. Now. Wherever you are. ;)

Life is very short
and there's no time
for fussing and fighting my friend....

Posted by drlynn at 01:33

14.12.2004

well, shit

so I'm home and my car is still at work. this blows. I guess that's what I get for being happy that I hit 100,000 and was still going strong. Damn thing wouldn't shift out of park. I suspect it will tomorrow morning when it's not midnight and I'm trying to get home. From there it's going straight to the mechanic. Wonder how much this one's going to hurt....

And a BIG "Thank you" again to G for driving me home. I <3 You.

Posted by drlynn at 01:36 | Comments (1)

11.12.2004

bloat and more

So I wasn't paying attention while munching on the snack I just made myself and seq'ing and I just ate an ENTIRE BOX OF MAC AND CHEESE. That's the last time I eat out of the pot to save a dish.... Ugh.

I've improved significantly since my post of yesterday. I just needed someone to remind me that I'm not crazy, nor superman. I woke up feeling drained (still am a bit) but otherwise much improved. I guess a couple weeks of tension and emotion just decided to show itself all at once and I broke. Healing now. With a little better understanding of myself too.

Chicago show's over and done. It went really well, even though J and C were both so sick today that they could barely move and I was 45 minutes late :\ (FUCKING CHICAGO TRAFFIC - I TAUNT YOU MERCESSLY)

Oh! and big news! My car hit 100000 miles on the drive home. It's exciting and sad, in a weird sort of way. I kinda want to throw a party ;) And really, if you think of it in binary, it's only 32 :)

Of course, as soon as it did so, the "Check Engine" light came on. Those of you who remember what a fiasco that was last time can imagine how hard I was laughing when I saw that.

But now, the mass of processed cheese food has made me sleepy, so to bed I go. I leave you with, what a suprise, some beautiful 311 lyrics that I really hit a chord (haha) with me on the drive home this evening. I was thinking that, if I ever get married, I'd would want it played at some point that day...

"Whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
you make me feel like I am clean again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you..."
- "Love Song"

Posted by drlynn at 01:24 | Comments (2)

9.12.2004

not this again...

It's my fault. I did it to myself. But that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm too tired and somewhere on 47 between 90 and home I lost control of my emotions. Gone. They're all over the place and dragging me with them. One second I want to scream and then next I want to cry.

Sleep will not come easy tonight.

Posted by drlynn at 22:53 | Comments (1)

"How do you feel/ the moment you know just what you were for?"

Well, it's been a while, so I guess I owe people an update.

Apparently I'm the only person who doesn't think grades are stupid. But I'm pretty pround of the A- in a Neil class and B+ in the class with NO FEEDBACK. I earned it, bi-otch. (Ya'll missed the happy dance I did when I read the email. It was a thing of beauty.)

By all appearances I am not actively infected with mono, even if I am, ah, exposed on a regular basis. Logic and a little math have actually lead me to believe that I'm carrying it and was the source of at least one case. :\ Eventually I should get in and get tested, but I'm a lazy ass and slept most of the day two days in a row. Oops.

Things in Chicago with C and J are going REALLY well. I've basically taken the point position on design implementation, being as I'm running the "board" for the show. (It's a 6-dimmer two scene preset with a broken channel.) I ran it all today by the seat of my pants and it looked quite good, for what it was. I'm excited. I'm proud of it, anyway. ;)

If you're interested in coming, shows are Thursday and Friday nights this week. 7:30 go, $10 admission fee. I have a comp, but I'm considering it taken. sowwy. The performance is in cooperation with the Chicago Moving Company and as such is in "their" space in the Hamlin Park Rec building at 3035 on Hoyne just south of Belmont. The easiest way there by pub-trans seems to be the Blue line to the Belmont stop and then the 77 bus to the Hoyne St. stop, foot it two blocks south. By car, 90 to kimball left on belmont to Hoyne. It's the big building with the pool at the corner of Hoyne and Barry. It would be really awesome if we can get a lot of butts in seats for the show, especially for the younger dancers, to encourage their involvement yadayada and also (and this is the big reason) if we sell a bunch of tickets, I might actually get paid. Woo.

The perm has been confirmed for Tuesday of next week (moved from Thursday.) Maybe I can get my mom to spring for it. That would be good. Yes.

Speaking of money, holiday shopping is *almost* done. Still need to get on the holiday card issue. Ach. This week. Maybe. Ok, this weekend.

I've just generally been "up" all week. Getting some reading done, had some good QT. All is in pretty good shape right now.

(Oh, and all the 311 quotes are a direct result them living in my car stereo for the past 3 weeks.)

Do me a favor please/
and touch your lips to mine...
(not a 311 quote, however...)

Posted by drlynn at 02:27

4.12.2004

that's break, baby

Woah. Long day. Good day (sorta,) but LONG day.

Scored my first schwag. Yay for free t-shirts.

4 straight hours on my feet. Crazy. But I survived, and only messed up twice, really. Both of which were just me being stupid, but one of which needed a manager to correct. Ouch. Stupid mental math.

Someone needs to get Joe Bonnamassa some ritalin. Seriously. Guy's insane, but he sure can play the guitar. Kept me on my toes the entire show trying to follow him with the spot. Loudest show I think the Raue's ever seen. A good one at that.

It's looking to be a busy week - got the Chicago show with C and J coming up. Going downtown Sunday for the first run-through. Going to try to help the guys out at work as much as I can this week. God help me if B&N calls....

Exhaused. Happy. Praying I don't have mono. Now, I sleep.

Posted by drlynn at 01:40

18.11.2004

recovering

Thank you all who've been putting up with me in the last few days. Being as sick
as I was/am wears terribly on me, combined with the stress I've been under just
made me into a huge mess. The rain and the cold certainly didn't help much. I'm
pulling myself out of it a bit (who'd have thought Mario Kart would have played
a role? Not I, but you take what you can get.) I'm still really tired and
generally worn out, but my sprits have been lifted enough for me to come up with
a topic for the big paper, at least.

Needless to say, I'm going to be really glad when this term is finally over. Or,
at least, when I can relax a bit and go home. I've declined to work at IMSA
over break, as I don't really want to and there are several other things that
are more important to me that I should be devoting my time to. Not to mention
the commute really sucks. I'm actually looking forward to this being a real
break for me. I haven't had one of those in quite a while. I need it. (Remember:
theatre work isn't work in the same sense as other things - it's, well,
certainly not always relaxing, but a release. Therapy.)

I'm listening to El Oso, which is something I haven't done in a while,
and it's reminding me of rollerblading around the IMSA campus in the short hours
before check, thinking, not thinking, and being generally chill. Nice.

So yes, if I can nose-to-the-grindstone 'til Saturday, I should be in a good
place when I leave. Wish me luck.

Posted by drlynn at 22:33

14.11.2004

cool wind through the window

Only two classes and three finals stand between me and the end of the term. Now
that I've coped a bit, and some of the more obnoxious work is behind me, I've
been able to chill and have a couple nice days.

I slept for twelve hours Friday night. Amazing. I must have really needed it. I
definately feel better for it. Here's hoping I can keep up the trend and get
enough sleep every night this week. Maybe if I can get rid of these dark circles
under my eyes, my mom won't bother me about my sleeping habits when I get home...

Yesterday was the nicest day possible, I think. I struck out at the bright and
early hour of 4pm with a couple of errands in mind, but not all were
accomplished (who knew the Hawk's piercer doesn't work Saturdays? well,
certainly not I) but that's OK. I sat outside the laundrymat and watched the
sun set over the comings and goings of Henderson Street and then went inside to
bum until the dryer finished. Watched half an hour of a movie on TBS (A Time
to Kill I now know after looking it up on IMDB) and was reminded of why I
don't watch television (beyond it's soul-sucking properties.) Post-laundry saw
dinner at Jalisco's (mmm... leftover chimichanga....) and the Knox-Galesburg
Symphony at the href="http://www.theorpheum.org/main.html">Orpheum. I was mightly impressed
by the quality of the music (the cello soloist was 14! amazing!) and the beauty
of the Orpheum itself.

[I'll admit. I've been a bad theatre geek. This is the first time I'd been to
the Orpheum. Shame on me. This week will see me revising my resume and dropping
it off with the hope of introducing myself to their TD. ]

A little drinking, dancing, and a lot of hookah (tobacco, honest!) later, I came
home to a welcome voice on the other end of the phone and a good night's sleep.

Today saw a lazy morning and the last Studio strike of the term (most of which I
spent striking the Dance Center lights.) This afternoon/evening I hope to finish
off one of my finals, leaving two - one of which I'll finish Monday, and the
other to be finished Tuesday/Wednesday, with any luck. Before that, though, I
think I need to go invest in a new pair of pajama pants - my oldest finally gave
way this morning.

With any luck, the rest of my time spent in the land of free broadband will see
the redesign of this beast. An admirable goal.

"Who knows what could happen
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing

One thing's true
There's always a brand new day..."

Posted by drlynn at 15:18

5.11.2004

meep.

Tech week is over and suddenly reality returns to me with an audiable crash.

Damn. Time to go home. I realized that there's only this paper and this project
on me right now (at least, that's the stuff that matters) so I feel justified.
Besides, I have to turn in that Barnes and Noble app. Me. In retail. Ha.

I'm wearing a skirt today. It's freaking cold and I'm wearing a skirt today. Why?
Because I feel like it.

One class stands between me and home....

Posted by drlynn at 09:12 | Comments (1)

26.10.2004

the times, they are a changin'

It's at once uncomfortable and exhilarating to be where I am right now.

I've been learning a lot about myself lately, and further confirmed some things I've thought I've known for a while. One of these things is that it's very hard for me to be creative, to write, to design, unless I'm inspired. I have to have an idea, a spark, that sets the thoughts in motion. A lot has happened in the past few weeks, and I've found myself in idle moments singing, writing lyrics as
I go along, or wanting to write here, but being unable because of the
constraints of time, work, and classes. I don't know if the songs I wrote were any good, and I still don't think I'd know if I could remember them, but I'm glad to know that I can be inspired still. I've also started to come to terms with how much of a disgusting, girly romantic I can be. It makes me want things that are unreasonable outside of a sappy romantic comedy, but dawning
rationality shall help me keep my expectations in check. At least, within reason...

Like I said, busy two weeks. I've spent most of that time in a bit of a haze, as though I were merely dreaming the life around me. (Now, at times, I still feel as though I'm living in a dream, but only because some things have been almost too good to be true.) The excitement, uncertainty, sadness, and daily student-type stress settled around me like a fog, and it occasionally was exceedingly difficult to find myself moving from point A to point B.

I have to admit, I'd never realized how much my relationship with K had become part of my identity. Not so much in how others saw me, as I've never been one to wear that on my sleeve, but as part of how I saw myself. Now I realize that perhaps I didn't give myself enough credit on my own. I was almost childishly proud of the fact that I was part of something 'bigger' that I neglected my own role in life. Because of this and the habits worn in by years of practice, I
failed to acknowledge my own growth and reevaluate my self-image. To have it hit me all at once has been disorienting. Now that that relationship is gone, I feel... strange. I'm glad that I am self-identifying again, even as I find myself involved again. This time I hope I can make it an important part of who I am
without making it all of who I am (to myself.)

A direct result of the thought, sweat, and tears of the past few weeks has been the dawning realization that what I thought was a sound philosophy was really compensation for what I wanted in my life but was lacking. Poly was a band-aid and crutch for me; it let me say that things were going well, that what was 'good' was merely different. I was wrong. The amount of pain it caused should
have told me that I wasn't right, that even if it works so well in theory, the human heart is not so rational. To those of you I hurt, I'm sorry. It was selfish of me to want and seek out more than I, or anyone, could handle.

Now things are looking up again. I found myself at home again this weekend. I must admit, I was nervous, making that long drive north, nervous about how I would feel when I got there, and what would happen when I did. I had little reason to be, I know, but it was because it was so important to me. The weekend was great, and building on how I've been feeling all week, I'm the happiest and
most secure I've been a long time. Now what was that I used to say about picking up Galesburg and moving it 2.5 hours closer to Chicago...?

That was one HUGE show that passed through the Raue this weekend. Gigantic. The whole process of load-in and load-out was so busy that I never had an idea of everything that was going on. Time passed so fast it barely seemed to pass at all. It was a long, demanding day. At once exhausting and exhilarating. But we did it, and we did it well. (As I've said before, "We've done it before and
we'll do it again.") In the midst of post-load-out carousing last night, one of the fine gentlemen I work with came up with a bit of a motto for our crew: "We make it right." Yeah. We do.

More to come as the thoughts solidify. Currently, I must retire, as despite my unintentionally long nap of this afternoon, I am still worn out of the adventures of the weekend. Good night to you.

Posted by drlynn at 00:48

23.10.2004

all is well

Things are going well. I can't get this silly grin off my face. I have to be at
work at 6 tomorrow morning, so I can't say much now, but I just wanted to say
that, yes, things are going well, patient readers.

Posted by drlynn at 22:04

14.10.2004

Moving On

We emailed this to a bunch of close friends this evening, but I thought it would be good to post it here as well.

(This is a week in the making, we waited a bit to give us some time to adjust.)

Hey all, Chelsea and Kyle here.

As most of you know, we've been together as a couple for almost five years. We've shared some of our greatest and worst moments, happiest and saddest days, and most transitional years together. We've been best friends through all of it, and will always remain so, continuing to support and love each other in the face of everything.

Times and people change, however. Some of you may have noticed that we had been spending less and less 'quality time' together, and had even taken interest to varying degrees in other people. The nature of our academic focuses often caused our interests and paths to diverge; theater and chemistry, with their attendant duties and work schedules, often kept us on opposite sides of campus, and the romance between us, unfortunately, simply did not endure.

We wanted everybody to hear it from us instead of through the various grapevine networks, so that's what this email is about. It's as official as these things get; we're not 'dating' or 'going out' anymore. We don't want to call it a 'breakup' because it isn't, really; we still talk to each other almost every day and ask each other for advice, and most importantly, we still love and respect
each other. We're just not an 'item' any longer.

This isn't to suggest that it's easy for us, being 'available,' so to speak, after five years will take some serious adjustment, and we've shared our tears. But we truly believe this is for the best, and we're already starting to feel in our hearts that things are better for the both of us. We will certainly appreciate all the patience you can give us while we make this transition.

I'm sure there are people we've forgotten to send this to, and if they ask about it or you get the opportunity to pass along the information, please tell them what we're telling you now that we simply grew apart and believed it was time for a change.

Thank you all for caring,

Kyle and Chelsea

Posted by drlynn at 05:23 | Comments (1)

13.10.2004

HMEBD

20

Yet still a youngin'.

Posted by drlynn at 00:13 | Comments (2)

11.10.2004

not nearly numb

I went outside to have a cigarette. I sat in my car, listening to the engine hum
as the cig calmed my nerves. As I sat there, I started singing. I don't remember
what I sang. I made it up as I went along. As I sang, I cried. I cried for you,
I cried for me.

Every car I saw, I wished was you.
You coming down to talk to me.
It would be to good to be true.
I've been living in a dream.

Do you have someone you can talk to?
Do you have someone who'll understand?
I want to be that someone for you.
You have to tell me if I can.

Until you know just what to say
until you know just what to do
please know that I am sorry
and that I'm waiting here to talk to you.
I'll be waiting here to talk to you.

Posted by drlynn at 23:09 | Comments (1)

*ache*

2139 songs on my computer, and I can't find a single one to describe how I'm
feeling. I started making a list of 'almost, but not quite's but that's stupid.
I ache, and it's my fault. I'm sorry.

"It's been a long day... / It's me, and I can't get myself to go away."

Posted by drlynn at 19:56

25.09.2004

procrastination is the spice of life

It's been a long week.

Work went well last weekend. I killed my arm hauling out an electic that was out
of weight, but was mostly healed by tuesday, a vast improvement from the last
time. Must mean I'm getting healthier or something.

I can't believe how much traffic's on South Street in the wee hours of the night.
I was up at three the other night and cars were whizzing by on a regular basis.
Strange. I can't wait until it's cooler and I can close my window and close out
all the street noise.

We finally started talking about scripture in J.C.I. on Wednesday. I'd forgotten
how stubborn and unobservant some people can be. To their credit, we did start
with Genesis, some pretty heady stuff, but some of these people (the ones that
weren't asleep or reading the newspaper) just couldn't get past the version of
the text that they'd been spoonfed since infantcy to actually read what's
written on the page. The professor would ask an extremely straight forward
answer about the text and get nothing but crickets. When they did answer, it
rarely had anything to do with what was written on the page.

The class started out with a couple of the students giving their 'reading' of
the text - what they think it says and means. They, of course, focused
specifically on the second telling of the creation story in the second chapter,
you know the one with the dust and the rib and all that jazz, discussing how
mysoginist it was.

They have practially all of Genesis and that's what they focus on? Damn. Then
when the professor tried to offer an alternate intrepretation of the text (using
equally the first and second telling in a manner akin to thier own reading) they
rejected without, apparently, any interest in understanding it or considering it.
Some scholars they are. It's shaping up to be an interesting term.

Dramatic Lit's coming along alright. Even though it's not my favorite time
peroid (19th & early 20th cent.) and I'm amazingly intimidated by the professor.
First paper's due on tuesday. *gulp*

CS is... CS. I procrastinated on my program for this week and was consequentally
up until 4am, but such is life.

I'm really excited about the coverage of the election that TKS is planning for
next week. I probably shouldn't talk about it very much until it comes out (C
might eat me :P ) but it's going to be fun to work on.

I spent 2 hours organizing my music collection. It was all initiated by my
thinking that I really should back up my data before I install service pack 2 (I
have to, I just can't get Knox's wireless to work without it.) I realized how
much junk I have sitting around that I just don't listen to. In the end, I think
I got rid of about a gig of stuff I've collected along the way. I'm such a
pack-rat even in my digital life.

I know I had more profound and interesting things to say when I started this,
but now all I can think it do it whine about things and mundane detritus.

Next time I get a brilliant idea, "Talking Point" if you will, I'll try to write
it down to spare you from the otherwise boring nature of this thing lately.

Posted by drlynn at 15:59

15.09.2004

rain, class, hats and work

On more or less a whim, last night I washed my car (the windows were knasty.) So
what does it do today? Rain. But not just rain, POUR. It's been raining for
hours with small chance of stopping. Woo. Not only did I waste 5$, but I was
caught in my birks, so now my socks and feet have black lines where the leather
dye ran. Woo.

The first week of classes has been just that, class. Akin to every other year,
just a lot more different faces and subjects. I'm having some re-adjustment
issues, going from work to school, but I'll get back into the habit of things
soon. There was a bit of a freak-out a few days ago when I realized that the
class with the "proper" professor was also a 'W' course (designated writing-
intensive for sake of 'Foundations'/distribution requirements.) It's not the
quantity of writing that I'm too concerned with (the longest is 2,500 words -
about 8 pages) but the quality. I haven't written critically of that nature in a
while, so I'm rusty. Ah well. I've decided not to stress about this because all
I'll succeed in doing is giving myself an ulcer. Oh, wait, too late for that....
N.B.'s surely not as scary as his British accent can lead one to believe, so if
I ask for editing help, I should be fine, right?

Not too concerned about the other classes. One of my professors had his visa
upheld (he's a scholar from Isreal/Palestine and a Muslim... *sigh*) and I'm
hoping he can get over here in time to teach some of the class that he's
supposed to be team teaching, because I'm really interested in what he has to
say and how he says it.

Outside of classes, things are going fine. It's looking to be a... busy term to
say the least. I've decided that from this point on (well, actually about 3 days
ago on) that I'm not accepting anything else for this term. I've given up hours
at the helpdesk to be the facilities assistant for the Theatre Department
(working on projects to improve the spaces, as a sort of steward for the spaces.)
On top of that, I'm Production Manager (scheduling goddess) for Studio Theatre
and Graphic Editor (at least, I think that's my title...) for TKS. If TKS ever
gets a website, I'll be their webmaster too. Oh, and the Theatre Department
webmaster and Master Electrician. I'm designing a few shows in studio too.

I'm going to spend a good deal of this term looking for a new tech to train in
the Master Electrican position and some people to help me with the webpage for
the theatre department. (note to self: send those emails...)

K gave me a bit of a scare last week: I found him comatose at work on Saturday.
Apparently he'd been working outside and had over estimated the amount of
insulin he needed. His blood sugar bottomed out and I found him just in time to
call the EMTs to pump him full of dextrose. He's fine, but I thought I was going
to have a heart attack. : P

I'm thinking of getting a cordless drill, but I don't want to get it at Lowes
(owned by WalMart) so I'm going to have to search around on the internet.
Definately staying away from Black and Decker. Might go Dewalt or Mikita,
depending on what sort of deals I can find. After being admonished this summer
for not having any power tools and realizing that if I had my own, I'd never
have to give it up in the shop, I think it's a sound investment.

I'm going home this weekend to work for the Raue Center. The show's The Odd
Couple (a female version starring Barbra Eden.) Call's at 7 AM Sunday. Which
is better than 5, which is MUCH better than two. I'm skippng town right after
class on Friday and not coming back until Monday afternoon. Go go gadget missing
class.

Well, there's more I could ramble about, but I've got to get some work done
before work. Heh. Lates.

Posted by drlynn at 14:26

14.09.2004

malaise?

You know it's been a long day when you'e iitng at your computer, head cocked to
the side, staring at the screen and you realize that you have one sock on and
one sock off from when you started removing them about twenty minutes ago. Not
cool.

I think it's time for bed.

I'll write about how things are going soon, I promise. For now, your moment of
zen:

"Once, I ate so many SourPatch Kids that I could see other dimensions."

Posted by drlynn at 00:35

7.09.2004

bak @ skool

Back on campus. I love/hate/missed this place.

That said, it's only 3 am. Where the heck is everybody???

Posted by drlynn at 03:30

30.08.2004

a death in the (almost) family

I'm so phased right now. I got a call today from B (proxied through my mother)
that his grandmother had taken a turn for the worst and was not expected to make
it through the night. Now B's one of my best friends, and he said he needed me
there, so I went. His grandmother was from France (came back with a soldier
after the war...) and her sisters were there, with a big language gap between
the sides of the family. I tried my best to translate from one to another, and I
don't think I did too bad. I know they were grateful to have help, I only wish I
could have been a little more coherent in my French.

We were all standing around her bed as her vitals began to fall. She was very
religious (Catholic) and one of her friends suggested we pray. We joined hands
around her bed and her friend spoke aloud a prayer. As the prayer ended, she
passed away. It was beautiful. Like the words carried her to heaven. I don't
personally believe in those ideas, but none-the-less, it was a touching moment.
I'm grateful that I could be there to support B. It's not been a good summer for
him and he needs all the strength he can get.

This is the first time I've ever seen anyone die. It was surreal. I'm not sure
yet what to do with this experience. All I know is that I'm exhausted. I need
to sleep. Bonne nuit.

Posted by drlynn at 23:41 | Comments (1)

29.08.2004

Lazy day

It's amazing how a little sunshine can improve one's disposition. I'm feeling
better today, and I actually got a few things done (like dumping my updates out
the this site. Whee!)

I finished the last of the stuff that I had to do in my room. It's done. Like,
for real. I even got compliments from my mom. *grins from ear to ear* Now all I
need is a comfy chair to fill that empty corner. IKEA had one that I really
liked, but I didn't have $300. Ah well. Done!

Speaking of done, we can now actually walk through most of the house. The
painters are done inside, so we've placed furniture and emptied a lot of boxes.
I'd forgotten how pretty the parlor carpet was ;)

I've starting reading Waiting for Godot and, sorry N, I just don't like
it. I'm hoping that as I finish and start working on it, I'll have some great
revalation and suddenly understand it, otherwise, I'll just do the best that I
can. I'm holding off on final judgement until I've seen it preformed, then I'll
revisit this subject.

Well, I'm off again. I've determined that part of my problem is spending too
much non-quality time on the computer, so I'm trying not to poke around on the
internet for the sake of poking around on the internet. At least, until I get
back to campus and broadband...

Posted by drlynn at 21:55 | Comments (2)

28.08.2004

The Sky in Shades of Gray

A week of nothing but overcast skies and rain has returned me to a state of
melancholy that I don�t particularly care for. I lack interest in anything
besides staring and the wall and any sort of initiative has been washed away by
the downpour that has somehow failed to rinse off my car. It�s teenage angst all
over again and no, sir, I don�t like it. It�s not supposed to rain tomorrow, so
I guess I can ride it out until then. *grump*

I�m sitting in the laundry mat in Hampshire, listening to the roar of the once-
daily diesel train as it speeds its way by. It�s the kind of place that makes
you glad that you have the means to pay attention to aesthetic details. It�s
clean in its shabbiness, but the missing wall tile around the set of dryers that
was clearly a �renovation� and the water-damaged, now-molding-in-the-humidity
ceiling tiles lead me to believe that anyone with a more delicate constitution
would probably sneeze themself to death when they walked in the door. Ironically
enough, laundry leaves here clean.

It�s just the sort of hole-in-the-wall place that you�d expect in a big city
block, not tucked on a side-street in the small-town midwest. The only seats in
the room are a set of what I would expect to be old auditorium seating (although
un-upholstered.) Too solid to be outdoor bleachers, I suspect the set of 5 was
pulled from an old movie theatre or vaudeville house. There�s nothing like that
around here; the history of these seats intrigues me.

As the washers kick over to rinse, I can�t help but slip into a thoughtful gaze
at nothingness. I wonder, if anyone ever watches the tape from the security
camera by the door, what they�ll think of this young person, alternately tapping
away at a laptop and staring seemingly at the white broadside of a washing
machine.

This summer, house business aside, has been pretty typical and uneventful.
Granted, setting aside the house business is saying a lot. My last day at IMSA
was yesterday and it�s gotten me all pensive about things. I�m not really sure
why, but I guess it�s just one step closer to the beginning of the school year
and the complete life-style upheaval that it entails. I�ve been asked several
times in the past few days whether I�m excited to go back to school. The answer,
I think, comes in several parts. School? Meh. Studying in a residential
environment has been my �full time job� for so long, that it doesn�t really
register on the radar anymore, it�s just something I do. Galesburg? Hell no.
Don�t get me wrong, I like the town, but I can�t help wishing it were three
hours north-east. That would make my life a lot happier, I think. The people?
God yes. I feel like such a social leech this summer when it comes to life at
the Raue. They�ve been most of my social contact this summer, as everyone I know
happens to live hundreds of miles away. I have to admit though, if I�m to be
marooned in the midwest, it couldn�t be with a better group.

I�m disappointed that I didn�t get as much done as I had wanted to this summer,
project-wise. I have read quite a bit; it is refreshing to know that I can still
read a book for the pleasure of doing so. Besides that, though, there�s been
little else accomplished. I�ve had the Theatre page archives on the back burner
for so long it�s stewed down to an uncomfortable lump in my gut. I wanted to
redesign it, as well as my own site, but I wouldn�t let myself do that until the
content was done. Well. See how far that got me? I�ve decided that what I
really need is help. Someone whose got some of their own fresh ideas and drive
to help me get through the rest of this project.

Not to mention the pile of sewing I�ve had sitting around since May.

I�m feeling really strange about this whole house-business. Thursday saw the
removal of the large dumpster that�s been living in our driveway for 11 months.
We�re so close to being done with the inside of the house that its continued
state of almost-but-not-quite completion is beginning to wear on everyone
involved. Not to mention that we don�t know what to do with half of the stuff.
The dining room is the catch-all for things we don�t have a home for and it�s
quickly filling up. The air conditioner leaked again the other night, this time
setting off the fire alarms as it leaked INTO the first floor sensor. That was a
nice wake-up call in the middle of the night. It�s theoretically fixed now, so
we�ll see how long this lasts. I�m just hoping we don�t have to cover the bill
for something they screwed up.

Speaking of money� Oh how frustrating. The bane of my short existence. Over the
course of the summer, we�ve had to front a lot of money to get things we need to
settle back in, like serving spoons. And lampshades. You know, the little things
that you don�t think about costing a lot, but add up quickly. The insurance
company was really good about getting the refunds turned back around to us for a
while, until the case was transferred from the adjuster to some woman in
California. Ever since then, it�s taken us forever to get things back from them.
We�ve been waiting for the money we need to buy the washer and dryer for about a
month. (Hence the �sitting in the laundrymat.) The ditz keeps saying she�ll
�send them out tomorrow� or �overnight them� to us, but inevitably never does.
(Dad�s already called and yelled at her boss, and by all appearances, the
situation has not improved - they just want to take forever.) So we�re all
temporarily short on money and it�s making me cranky.

Watching the clothes tumble in the dryer is strangely hypnotic.
I�m sitting in the laundry mat in Hampshire, listening to the roar of the once-
daily diesel train as it speeds its way by. It�s the kind of place that makes
you glad that you have the means to pay attention to aesthetic details. It�s
clean in its shabbiness, but the missing wall tile around the set of dryers that
was clearly a �renovation� and the water-damaged, now-molding-in-the-humidity
ceiling tiles lead me to believe that anyone with a more delicate constitution
would probably sneeze themself to death when they walked in the door. Ironically
enough, laundry leaves here clean.

It�s just the sort of hole-in-the-wall place that you�d expect in a big city
block, not tucked on a side-street in the small-town midwest. The only seats in
the room are a set of what I would expect to be old auditorium seating (although
un-upholstered.) Too solid to be outdoor bleachers, I suspect the set of 5 was
pulled from an old movie theatre or vaudeville house. There�s nothing like that
around here; the history of these seats intrigues me.

As the washers kick over to rinse, I can�t help but slip into a thoughtful gaze
at nothingness. I wonder, if anyone ever watches the tape from the security
camera by the door, what they�ll think of this young person, alternately tapping
away at a laptop and staring seemingly at the white broadside of a washing
machine.

This summer, house business aside, has been pretty typical and uneventful.
Granted, setting aside the house business is saying a lot. My last day at IMSA
was yesterday and it�s gotten me all pensive about things. I�m not really sure
why, but I guess it�s just one step closer to the beginning of the school year
and the complete life-style upheaval that it entails. I�ve been asked several
times in the past few days whether I�m excited to go back to school. The answer,
I think, comes in several parts. School? Meh. Studying in a residential
environment has been my �full time job� for so long, that it doesn�t really
register on the radar anymore, it�s just something I do. Galesburg? Hell no.
Don�t get me wrong, I like the town, but I can�t help wishing it were three
hours north-east. That would make my life a lot happier, I think. The people?
God yes. I feel like such a social leech this summer when it comes to life at
the Raue. They�ve been most of my social contact this summer, as everyone I know
happens to live hundreds of miles away. I have to admit though, if I�m to be
marooned in the midwest, it couldn�t be with a better group.

I�m disappointed that I didn�t get as much done as I had wanted to this summer,
project-wise. I have read quite a bit; it is refreshing to know that I can still
read a book for the pleasure of doing so. Besides that, though, there�s been
little else accomplished. I�ve had the Theatre page archives on the back burner
for so long it�s stewed down to an uncomfortable lump in my gut. I wanted to
redesign it, as well as my own site, but I wouldn�t let myself do that until the
content was done. Well. See how far that got me? I�ve decided that what I
really need is help. Someone whose got some of their own fresh ideas and drive
to help me get through the rest of this project.

Not to mention the pile of sewing I�ve had sitting around since May.

I�m feeling really strange about this whole house-business. Thursday saw the
removal of the large dumpster that�s been living in our driveway for 11 months.
We�re so close to being done with the inside of the house that its continued
state of almost-but-not-quite completion is beginning to wear on everyone
involved. Not to mention that we don�t know what to do with half of the stuff.
The dining room is the catch-all for things we don�t have a home for and it�s
quickly filling up. The air conditioner leaked again the other night, this time
setting off the fire alarms as it leaked INTO the first floor sensor. That was a
nice wake-up call in the middle of the night. It�s theoretically fixed now, so
we�ll see how long this lasts. I�m just hoping we don�t have to cover the bill
for something they screwed up.

Speaking of money� Oh how frustrating. The bane of my short existence. Over the
course of the summer, we�ve had to front a lot of money to get things we need to
settle back in, like serving spoons. And lampshades. You know, the little things
that you don�t think about costing a lot, but add up quickly. The insurance
company was really good about getting the refunds turned back around to us for a
while, until the case was transferred from the adjuster to some woman in
California. Ever since then, it�s taken us forever to get things back from them.
We�ve been waiting for the money we need to buy the washer and dryer for about a
month. (Hence the �sitting in the laundrymat.) The ditz keeps saying she�ll
�send them out tomorrow� or �overnight them� to us, but inevitably never does.
(Dad�s already called and yelled at her boss, and by all appearances, the
situation has not improved - they just want to take forever.) So we�re all
temporarily short on money and it�s making me cranky.

Watching the clothes tumble in the dryer is strangely hypnotic.

Posted by drlynn at 21:41

16.08.2004

ooo, squat!

It's amazing how I can be so busy and get absolutely jack squat done. Actually,
more frustrating than amusing. Although there's nothing like getting 30 hours of
clock-time in a little more than a weekend.

There's also nothing like being completely head-over-heels for someone and not
knowing what the hell to do about it and that it's not going away any time soon
and that they don't notice, and if they do aren't saying anything and not
knowing what that silence means and... *head explodes*

Ok, so maybe it's not that dramatic, but really. I should just work up
the nerve to say something. But I won't, and I'll probably just continue to
whine about it into eternity. Moving on...

The last of the furniture has still not arrived. (yes, I know, it's been two
weeks.) and thus my room is still a pit. I'm sick of looking at the boxes, so
I'm getting around to inventorying the attic ones, even though I should probably
be sleeping, just to get them done and out of the way.

My car's started making unwholesome noises and has a dead headlight. Yay.

I'm thinking I'm going to call in tomorrow (well, today... ) and take the day to
just Get Shit Done. Finish with the books, move furniture around, fix the
headlight, FINALLY order my new glasses, etc etc etc. The Raue picnic-jobber's
in the PM and all in all it'll make for a nice day of rest. Maybe, just maybe,
I'll work on the theatre site. Ha. ha ha. I made a funny.

Tuesday's the baseball game in MIL with C. It appears that I'm going to have to
drive up there all by my lonesome. Should be... interesting. Yes. That's what
we'll call it.

Then there is Scene Stealers and the week of Two Jobs. erp. Thoughts of the
ensuing paycheck shall get me through.

Well, that's really it. I'm bushed.

Posted by drlynn at 01:08

10.08.2004

anther monday, another delivery

So it's been a week and things are slowly starting to come together. They're focusing on one room at and time. They should have the Kitchen done by the end of the day today.
Furniture has been slow in coming as they've had to make several trips. They were supposed to deliver the last of it tomorrow but were a no-show. Hopefully it'll make it today. If it does, I can finally get to unpacking, as I'll have somewhere to put all my junk. Yay.

One of the most interesting parts of all of this was having/getting the opportunity to go through all the stuff that was in the attic. I've gotten rid of a lot of what I had up there (my god, I kept EVERYTHING) and just hang onto the stuff that's meaningful. That still leaves me with 5 boxes of books, but what can you do?

Back to work with me. Catch ya lates.

Posted by drlynn at 14:25 | Comments (1)

2.08.2004

IN THE HIZ-OUS!

We are back in the house!

It's not done, we don't have all of the appliances hooked up yet, but I woke up
in my brand new bed this morning and I feel GREAT.

And so the unpacking begins...

Posted by drlynn at 14:15

30.07.2004

just a quick shout-out

Alright, I've got to get packing, but I wanted to write something up here so
that ya'll know what's going on. My reach-ability is going to be seriously
impared for a few days (as my cell phone is still not working,) but there should
always be at least an answering machine hooked up to the house number (even if
we're not at the house) and I'll check drlynn@gmail.com as often as possible.

No, we're not in the house yet, but we should be by the end of this weekend! The
way the various pick-ups and deliveries schedules have worked out, we're left
with no furniture for a few days, so we're finding ourselves back in the
Sycamore Amerisuites for a few nights (Saturday and Sunday, at least) but we're
actually moving stuff back into the house. WHAT a good feeling.

I'm a little concerned as to how much of the 'little things' they're getting
done. From my view, it looks like not enough to pass inspections... Here's
hoping the appliances get delivered well enough before the inspection this
afternoon that they can get them hooked up. If we don't pass this inspection....

On a completely different note, I'm stewing a new design for this site around in
my noggin. I'm reluctant to work on it until I've worked on the theatre site
archives, and I'm reluctant to work on that until I've gotten my computer fixed.
And I can't do that until we're back in the house... *sigh* I should just get
off my ass and do SOMETHING. Like eat breakfast. That sounds like a good idea.

Posted by drlynn at 10:28

16.07.2004

i am so lost... and angry

as soon as I figure out what the hell is going on i'll vent about it. for right
now, i should go out there and be the big one and confront her about it, but I
really don't fucking want to. i just want to fucking go to bed. so that's what
i'm going to do.

Posted by drlynn at 00:41

14.07.2004

house move-in delayed again (again)

So what I mentioned a
while ago has happened again. Supposedly for the last time. We're now back
to the 31st of this month. That means that August 1 I should wake up in my own
(new) bed in my own, honest-to-god HOUSE.

That will also mean that this whole ordeal took 10 and a half months. Whew.

Posted by drlynn at 22:05

4.07.2004

house move-in delayed again

So they've pushed it back a week, (to the 14th of this month) but no one seems
too optimistic that we're actually going to make that date. I suspect that it
will be pushed back another week. I may be wrong, but that's just the feeling
that I get.

Posted by drlynn at 13:19

26.06.2004

the (un)social life

So something that's been kinda simmering in the back of my mind came to slap me
upside the head this evening: working at the Raue is the closest thing I'm going
to get to a social life all summer. With the vast majority of my close friends
living hundreds of miles away or extremely busy lives (kinda like mine) that's
the way it's going to be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to collapse into a ball of tears over this,
but it does make me kinda... disenchanted, I suppose, to know that I'm probably
never going to be able to just relax and hang out with the guys outside of work.
At least, not until I'm 21. Sadly, I even get an "enh, whatever" vibe from one
of the guys; I don't like to think so, but it feels like I'm getting brushed off
because of my age (or my height :P ). They're all great and I'm glad that I've
gotten to know them in my time there so far. I appreciate their patience with a
young upstart and the many excellent (if not the most intellectual)
conversations. I just want to have something to do on Saturday nights....

Wow. This makes me sound really needy, doesn't it? Honest, I'm not that way, I
am well aware of the fact that you can't be friends with everyone and not
everyone's going to like you.

Gah. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. That's it; I'm leaving it there
and going to bed.

"Sweet dreams to you dear, if dreams there be..." (So there are a
few things I like about that musical...

Posted by drlynn at 23:52

23.05.2004

my day so far

So I was starting to flip out last night/ this morning about a project that I have to do. I some stuff done, but otherwise had no clue where to go with it. So I emailed the prfessor and went to bed. I'm a lot like a 2-yr.-old in that respect, when I get exhausted, as I have been for the last week, I get... excitable, and not in a good way.

I slept my alarm for an hour and a half this morning. Bad Idea, should have just reset the damn thing. Went to the caf, was turned off by how bad lunch actually is on Sundays, and came back to my room. I investigated the possibility of going out to get something to eat, but upon discovering I have $7 to my name, I decided not such a good idea.

Out of nostalgia, I started virtually flipping through photos of days gone by, primarily of our vacation to Mackinaw Island, Michigan last summer. The photos were beautiful and strangely calming. I realized that I still have a whole week to get done the three things that I have left to get done, and that what my body needed to do right then was to sleep. And so I did. For several hours.

I feel much better than I did before. I really have no idea how I'd let myself get so worked up about this business. Now that I've calmed down, I look forward to fooling around in photoshop and making progress on my magazine design.

Posted by drlynn at 16:25

20.05.2004

Health Update

For those of you who care, the reason I've been feeling so crappy is not
completely end-of-term weariness, but in a large part, a sinus infection and
dual tear-duct infections! YAY!

I'm now on antibiotics and super-sudifed to clear me up, making me alternately
feel good, tired, and more than a little... loopy. We'll see how this works.
Speaking of which... time for another dose!

Posted by drlynn at 17:24

14.05.2004

It's happening again..

I'm falling off the face of the planet....

The last few weeks have been devoted to wrestling with my feelings of inadaquacy.
Primarily having to do with the Theatre website, of course. I've learned so
much over the past year, not only about the mechanics of building a site, but
about the organization and communication necessary to make it all happen, but I
wish that I could do more with it. I'm terribly disappointed that I haven't been
able to finish it yet. Especially this term, being in three classes, ME-ing for
Ah! and trying to get things squared away with the house just ran away with me.
I hate pushing things off because this really is important to me.

That said, I'm pretty proud of what is there, although I think that it needs a
good reworking this summer. I did a lot of that last summer when I was just
getting the hang of css and I think it's pretty clunky, could use more color and
DEFINATELY more images. Our department is a lively and welcoming place and I
really want the website to reflect that.

Moving on... We (finally!) finished hanging the dance plot and specials today.
It's been an interesting position for me, as both a designer and me, it's been
strange trying to figure out what exactly my authority is and coupled with a few
bad/grumpy days and it's certainly been a stressful week. Not terrible, but not
ideal. Certainly was a good experience, though.

I keep getting distracted as I write this, so I'm thinking I should go and work
on my lighting design. I do tech tomorrow... (oops...)

Posted by drlynn at 19:18

26.04.2004

Assorted Nuts

I'm not terribly into the "hey, look at how busy I am!" sort of blog posts, but
DAMN am I ever busy. Much of my spare time has been consumed by the monster that
is CFA or the demon known as sleep. I have gotten a chance to start reading
How to be Alone by J. Frazen (finished the first essay,) and I have to
say that I really like his writing style. I look forward to reading more.

My plate's getting pretty full with my CS programs passing "getting your feet
wet" and entering the domain of "challenging." Add to that, 13 hours of work,
ME for the mainstage (hang started today, yay!) and a studio show, and you've
got one crazy Chelsea.

Out of nowhere I had a dream featuring E the other night. (Well, as out-of-
nowhere as anything can be about E...) It was... interesting. In said dream, I
was TD/ME for a show that was going up on Post (the building in which I live)
lawn. All of the lighting equipment was apparently mine and was being struck up
the two flights to my room. E was helping. There was also some other business
about my room being about 4 times the size it is now, containing a tent (and
someone I don't recognize but did in the dream suspended, dressed as a butterfly,
inside it) and some more business about wanting to steal someone's lawn chair
but them being super-Christian and my giving up on the idea. Don't ask me to
explain, because I really don't know.

I'm off now to watch for the first time the dance for which I am doing the
lighting in a few weeks. (I'll be fine, honest!) and then CIRCUITING. I LOVE
doing this when I don't know where 8 of the lights are going to be. Keepin' it
spicy, A is.

Anyway, that's all for now. Please don't hate me for not being more intellectual.
Those braincells are all busy right now; can I take a message?

Posted by drlynn at 19:57

19.04.2004

Yes, I know...

I suck and I'm sorry. I've had a very busy couple of weeks and I've really
fallen down on the job. No reading, no writing... I'm really disappointed in
myself for failing to keep up any sort of regular routine.

That said, I'm going to try to get back on the wagon this week, as it looks like
I'll have more time. Last week was so insane partially because I took the last
two days off to go home and work for the Raue. It was insane, I was insane, but
it was Worth It.

Posted by drlynn at 10:53

19.03.2004

Baffling and Break

How do you run out of gas in the middle of the subburbs? Honestly, people. As I
was driving home, I saw a woman helping another woman by giving her a SUV a
couple gallons of gas. Within less than a mile of at least one gas station.
Even if you think it's too expensive, break down and buy a gallon or two!

(Here I segue into a "general update on my life" post. If you don't care, stop
reading.)

Speaking of work... yeah. Break hasn't been much of a "break" yet. I had the
oppertunity to help out the folks in the CNS (and get paid for it) so I took it.
It was good to see them again and I'm glad to know that I was able to lend a
hand. Things there have gotten crazy lately. Because of this, though, I've been
getting up at 08:30 every morning, not leaving me many wee hours of the night
with which to play. I looks like I'll have a job with them this summer, as well,
and that makes me very happy.

I haven't been around on the internet much, mainly because my brother goes to
bed at 10 and I'd decided not to bring my router home. I just remember that
Euphoria's here, set up for Dad, so I'm using her to get 'net access now. Not
that I've had much time to be putzing around. What time I have has been spent
finally digging myself out from under my reading list in ernest. As you can see,
I've finished two books already this week, not counting The Ethics of Star
Trek which I finished the last few days at school. I'm really glad to be
reading again and I'm hoping that I can continue the trend into next term.

Things on the home front are going well. All or almost all of the new windows
have been installed. I'm going over tomorrow to check it out. We had asked the
cleaners to get us the rugs that they could clean so that we can have them to
start getting paint and such. We counted them today and discovered that over
half of them are unaccounted for. Including the rug from my room. So that means,
potentially, that they all have gone missing for good (the company told us that
they'd sent us all they could find.) This and Thomasville's refusal to honor the
price they gave us on my furniture a few months ago has left me in a bit of a
lurch. What am I to do with my room? I realize that it's not terribly pressing
as I don't really live there anymore, but at the same time, it's my home
and I want it to be a haven. For those who care about particulars, I do believe
I'm going with the same color scheme and the silver accents. Tomorrow I go
furniture shopping.

Tomorrow I also go get a hair cut. I havn't seen S in a while and I don't know
what he's going to say about the color. I'm also going by myself (apparently,
plans are still kind fuzzy,) and I really don't know what I want to do with it.
If you have any brillant ideas and can get them to me before 11:15, call me!

Tomorrow I get to hang out with B for a while. Yay! We're thinking take-out and
a movie on the new widescreen TV. Now that's a huge piece of furniture.
(teehee - it looks really silly in our tiny livingroom!)

Tomorrow, I also go deposit the check that's FINALLY arrived from Half.com.
After two and half months of wrestling with thier direct deposit system, the
"support" staff said they'd send me a check. They did. And they charged me $1.50
for doing so. After all I've been through with them (I'm not even going to start,
I'll be typing all night,) they have offically lost my business. I'm going to
email them tomorrow and demand that they close my account and explain to them
exactly why. *sigh* I'd always thought "so angry I could spit" was just an
expression. Now I know what it really means.

Tomorrow is Knox payday. w00t. Money for the last textbook on my list.

Speaking of money and spending money... I got to play with a few of those new
USB flash-drive things in the past few weeks and I really really like them. I'm
tempted to get one (apparently they're going pretty cheap) but I don't know how
useful one smaller that 512MB would be, and that's getting kinda pricy. What I
really need to be spending the money on is RAM for Joy. She's been feeling the
crunch lately, running Dreamweaver, Photoshop, AIM and iTunes seems to be too
much for her 256MB, so a jump to 512MB seems to be in order to maintain
productivity. There goes $100. I figure that's the IMSA money. Also coming out
of that money (if there's enough left) would be a pair of new Birks. It just
kills my feet to wear my old ones anymore and now that the leather's started to
wear, I can't just get them re-soled. Damn. There's another $100. I know I could
get cheap rip-offs for $20, but would it be worth it?

Posted by drlynn at 00:42

28.02.2004

Opened

We opened on Thursday and Friday to rave reviews from all that attended. I watched The Trojan Women for the first time in a while tonight and was really impressed with what we've accomplished. I only wish that I could sit and watch Lysistrata the same way. Ah well.

One interesting mishap already: the LD was working on a couple cues last minute yesterday morning and wound up writing houselights in where they definately didn't belong. Sitting center, surrounded by people, I had a huge 'oh shit' moment followed by 'my AME's in the booth, she should know what to do....' then 'wow, this has been a while, maybe she doesn't...' and I look back to see the TD (who was wisely sitting on the isle) running up to the booth to remedy the situation. Note to self: teach AME how to program the board.

Thankfully, there couldn't have been a better moment in the show for something like this to happen. It was just as Helen makes her entrance, and apparently this time her devine nature was so strong she lit the whole room! The TD was able to slowly bring the lights back down and honestly, I don't know how many of the audience members even realized that either a) they were lit as well or b) it wasn't supposed to be that way.

Wheee.

Honestly, I'm really glad to be in the run now, because after rehersing to an empty house for so long, the energy was really starting to drag. Having to worry about laugh lines and true show conditions brings a new element to what was quickly becoming routine. I'm particulary interested in seeing what kind of audiences we'll have during the week next week. Probably small and quiet, but we can deal with that. We already know that next Saturday is going to be almost full. Just about everyone I've talked to is planning on coming then. (Saturday's the day when we run Lysistrata in the afternoon and then The Trojan Women in the evening. The fact that we have changeover down to less than 25 minutes is really going to help that day go a lot smoother (and give us all a chance to get dinner...)

So, in conclusion, you should come see what we've done (and check out the sexy sexy website.) The
show dates are now through 6 March (excluding Monday, 1 March,) on alternatining days. The last day, 6 March, is a 2:00PM showing of Lysistrata and a 7:30PM showing of The Trojan Women.

Posted by drlynn at 14:23 | Comments (1)

17.02.2004

down day

Mr. D. said there would be down days and oh boy, is this one of them. Despite
things for the most part going very well, I've felt physically and emotionally
like crap for the past few days. I'm exhausted. Dealing with certain people on a
daily basis and restraining myself because of it is causing me to get twitchy.
Ordinairly I would call them on it, make it an issue, but in the interest of
keeping the wheels smooth, I don't say anything. I suffer in silence like the
true tragic heroine. Well, not really. I vent to someone and get over myself,
but damn I just wanna....

I've been having a myriad of computer problems that have not been helping my
stress levels any, either. My (fairly) new 17" LCD flatpanel is dying slowly.
Acer has been called and a repair ticket has been filed, but I'm hesitant to
send it in as I really do need that monitor to do my work. I'll give it a day.
It's not like I'm going to get a chance to mail it out soon, anyway. In addition
to that, somehow a significant change I made to the href="http://deptorg.knox.edu/theatre/trojanwomen/poster.html">Trojan Women
poster didn't keep even though I saved it and copied the file to print
proofs earlier this week! That mess resulted in a frantic "fix it" session this
afternoon when I should have been working in the shop. It's done now and it
looks good, but damn I was pissed.

All of the crazed-ness of the past few days has left me feeling like I've been
neglecting the
website even though I don't really think I have, but I think I have been,
but I feel like I have and that's making the head ache and the stomach
spin.

This on top of fighting off what looks to be a combined sinus and ear infection
(not terrible, mind you, but not pleasant) is getting to be too much for me. I
really need to get to bed, but the above mentioned website calls. I am so very
grateful that I have this sexy new computer and wireless in the gizmo. Human
contact saves my sanity. Well, that and pass-o-guava smoothies.

I'm sorry to be bending your ears/eyes about all of this, but it really does
help to be venting about all of this. Of course K, M and L have been saints
through it all, but I know they're getting sick of hearing it.

And in the end, things really aren't as bad as they seem. The clock keeps moving
forward and soon enough we'll be in production and the worst will be over.
Life's little struggles are what make things interesting and worthewhile, so I
will remain professional and look foward to next term.

Cheers.

Posted by drlynn at 23:47

2.02.2004

oh sweet surrender

It was so very nice to be able to relax for part of this weekend. I worked
friday night and all day saturday so that I could chill saturday night and it
really paid off. the Pledge party was loads of fun and I'm really proud of the
pledges. I love you guys!

Saturday did have one problem, though: i had vowed that since I had gotten so
much work done, I would not set my alarm for sunday morning. I didn't and it
resulted in me getting up at 6. PM. yeah. fun. I apparently needed the sleep,
though, so I'm happy I got it. That evening, I spent 7 hours working on the
website and now I feel much, much better about myself. For something that's so
important to the department, I feel like I've been neglecting it and I really
don't want to do that. I've redeemed myself a bit, now, and I've decided to
further encourage this development, I'm going to officially unveil the site
tomorrow. Whee! You but you're buns I'm workin my ass off tonight!

Otherwise, I'm doing alright. I'm really getting sick of certain daily
obligations, but I'll live. Things are beginning to wind down now (believe it or
not) back to manageable levels. I am really disappointed that I couldn't make it
home for a superbowl party this weekend, but if I'd gone, I'd have been royally
screwed and that would not have been good. Maybe when I'm back for spring
break... mwa ha ha!

I'm quickly coming to appreciate my time at the helpdesk. I have the lunch shift
so noone ever calls, giving me an oppertunity to unwind, catch up on webcomics
and maybe get a little work done. All in all, it's become good "chelsea time"
(even if the radio's playing really crappy music in the background.)

Speaking of music. I think I killed my iPod this weekend, finally convincing
myself to get the extended warranty. I was updating the firmware and my
computer choked, causing it to get stuck with corrupted firmware, as far as I
can tell. I've surfed the forums for help and nothing's worked, so as soon as my
AppleCare box gets here (don't get my started on how stupid that is) I
can get to fixing the thing. I miss it so much already! But now I'm out of money.
Good thing friday's payday!

anyway. i leave you with this, your moment of zen.

Posted by drlynn at 13:09

29.01.2004

exhausted.

I am exhaused. Completely, totally and utterly. I don't want to work, I don't
want to sleep. I just want to exist in a vegatative state until everything goes
away and I don't have to worry about it anymore.

You know what I really want right now? A Stress Day. My highschool had these
things called "stress days" where if you went to one of the counsellors and
explained that you were in a situation a lot like mine you could get the day off
of classes and such to work on what you needed to work on and take some time for
yourself. That's what I want right now. I want a stress day.

I worked on the webpage a bit today and finally got pictures from people, which
is good. I now have to work on picking which ones I want and getting them in
there the way I want 'em. I feel bad that I haven't been working on this as much
as I should be. Damn it's late.

Posted by drlynn at 02:12

27.01.2004

chalk this one up to "life experiences"

So I decided I wanted pudding today. Not, "it comes in a cup" kind of pudding,
but just about as real as you can get without taking hours pudding. Lacking the
energy and conviction to drag out the pot and use the stove or my hotplate to
boil the milk, I used the "microwave" directions. Bad idea. Not only did it boil,
it boiled over making a royal mess. I think I'll be finding pudding drops
for days. Hopefully, though, I shall have good pudding out of this ordeal. I
licked the spoon and it certainly seems yummy. (It's "chilling" in the fridge.
Warm pudding is also icky.) Maybe it'll be breakfast tomorrow.

I need more sleep. To get more sleep, however, I need more time in the day. I
need more time in the day so that I can get more work done. Especially on href="http://deptorg.knox.edu/theatre/repterm.html">this damn website. To
work on that, I need motivation. I solicited statements from the company on
their thoughts going into repterm and what I got back is fabulous. So many rich,
wonderful and poweful statements that I'm having trouble trying to emcompass
them all into one document. I don't want to the whole thing to be just quotes,
but it's definately going to have a lot of them. I think I'm going to leave
names off of the quotes, though. I don't want to stir up any unintentional
controversy (I'll claim any and all intentional controvesy.) Besides that,
it will truely present us as what we really are: a company.

Speaking of rep term... :P As the days go on in movement, I'm finding more and
more that I like about it. We've been working on actual dance-type things
lately and I find that to be a lot more interesting than some of the other stuff
that we've been working on. It was kinda fun today, everyone in their black
"jazz pants" dancing a modern jazz phrase. It was like a cross between Fosse and
West Side Story. I'll admit it: today was fun. I missed the damn crunches
again (oops... I mean...) and everything else felt a lot more meaningful. I
really felt some of the other "abs" stuff that we did later more than I ever do
when I try to crunches. I think they're just wearing me out in a bad way, not
working what they're supposed to. In other good news, I discovered this evening
that I can now bend at the waist and press my palms to the floor. I don't know
why, but I find this really, really cool. So I guess I'm coming around to a lot
of this. That's not to say I don't have my reservations, still, but I'm getting
better!

I found out today (yesterday?) that my costume for Lysistrata has
glittery nipples. GLITTERY nipples. I'd known about the nipple thing. I'd known
about the bright-pink nipple thing. I had not known about the glitter. I'm sorry,
but just the thought of wearing this cotume is making me really uncomfortable.
And the fact that I'm going to be one of many DOES NOT HELP THAT. Sorry. So I'm
a prude. I am just not comfortable wearing a costume that's intended for me to
look like I'm wearing sheer fabric with PINK GLITTERY NIPPLES. Please tell me
I'm not crazy for being upset with this?

I had so much to say earlier today. I'm beginning to get frustrated with certain
members of the company and in my efforts to avoid trouble, I've only been
endangering my stomach lining. I have to say that I really appreciate the time
and talks with H. She's helping keep me sane right now. (As with most of the
company, I'm sure. That girl probably has more dirt... ;) I'm honestly just
geting really annoyed with what appear to me to be the "antics" of a certain
person. It's a behavoir that only looks to me like an attention getting act and
I'm getting aggravated with their inconsistancies. For the love of all that is
holy, please set your issues aside and do your goddamn job. It might not be what
you want to be doing right now but damnit, it needs to get done. And don't give
me those looks, those "I'm going to go whine to someone about you," looks. I
don't care. If you have a problem with me, talk to me. Thank you.

With that, I am spent. Time for bed.

Posted by drlynn at 01:40

21.01.2004

Back Online!

Hello, ladies and gents! Missed me, didn't you? awww, that's so sweet...

Anyway, to make a long story short, polyglut was hosed for a while because of
database corruption caused by the ISP running out of disk space on our machine.
SO a week (and a new server later,) things are back online and getting
straightened out.

Any further delinquency in posting is the cause of href="http://deptorg.knox.edu/theatre/repterm.html">Rep Term and should be
excused.

I watched the State of the Union address this evening. It got me all rankled (as
to be expected,) and I'll probably have more to say about that later.

Night, all!

Posted by drlynn at 00:13

9.01.2004

Rep Term Begins

My apoligies for not bending your ears for quiet some time. Like you missed it,
sure.

Back at Knox and the "beginning of the term" craziness has only been amplified
by the added stress of rep term. Between errands, preparing for auditions and
trying to find out just what the hell is going on, things have been a little
stressful. I'm thrilled to be back and see people again. I wasn't getting sick
of my family or anything, but without being able to work over break, my days
were getting a little tedious and I was/am quickly running out of money with
which I could have made them more interesting.

I've taken up serious consideration of moving off campus and getting an
apartment. I feel that, cooking for myself, I would eat considerably better for
less $$, and that living on my own or with one other person would help me create
a grounding force in my life and take another step on that path to adulthood.
Besides the fact that 5 years of living in dorms is getting really old really
fast. The only suitable alternative would be living in an on-campus apartment
and getting off board, but I don't know how likely that is as a rising junoir. I
don't know what I would use for my reasoning to get off board, either. More
thought and more research before the year is out.

Much more about Rep Term in the extended entry. I realize I use a lot of RepTerm
specific references. If you have questions, just ask.

Auditions went alright for me, crew assignments even better so. I don't have a
part with a name and I only have four (4) lines in Lysistrata, making for
a very happy Chelsea. I do, however, have to say something about how much I want
to go home and "beat it" in front of an audience. Should be... interesting. The
show itself is going to be halirious, but not for the conservative at heart.
This translation is pretty baudy and really true to the punning, inneuendeno-
laced flavor of the original text. At least, according to Doc Bob. Also
according to Doc Bob (quite the Hellenist, even if he's not fleunt in Greek,)
the title character's name is pronounced "LU-sis-trata." So don't look at me
funny when you hear me say it that way.

As for crew stuff, M.E. and Web Designer. This has already prompted a href="http://deptorg.knox.edu/theatre/index2.html">redesign of the href="http://deptorg.knox.edu/theatreanddance/">Theatre and Dance site that
I've been working on. I decided I didn't like the old (really plain, ain't it?)
so I jazzed it up a bit. C thinks we need to incorporate lots of pictures, so
I'm going to have to figure out a good graphic style for them too. I am a bit
concerned about how I'm going to manage getting the 20 hours per week some weeks.
I think that after this week, a lot of the M.E. stuff will be set aside and that
I can concentrate my hours one the website. I have a meeting next week with the
publicity group and I'm going to discuss with them what they see as content for
the site, then go to the dramaturgs and their respective directors for some yada
on their stuff. I HAVE to start taking pictures now.

However, all with Rep Term is not wine and roses. I'm beginning to see some
things that are really starting to bother me, leading a bit to the "down days"
that Mr. D has talked about. For one, I really don't like not knowing my
schedule so precisely. Things are getting better now as meeting schedules are
getting finalized, but right now it doesn't look like C's even going to have the
shop open enough to get all my work and ME hours in. We'll see. I'm thinking I'm
going to have to employ the use of my Visor again to keep everything straight.
Not bad, just means I have to buy batteries and set the thing up again.

Some people were very upset with the way that casting and crew went and I really
don't know what to say. I personally feel that the major crew assignments were
done really well and that casting was pretty good as well. I feel terrible
because I said (well, posted on a blog actually) some really strong things, but
I really did feel that they needed said. I hope that this person understands.
Not only your audition and classes affected assignments, but history with the
department and faculty play a large role. There's a lot of emphasis on the
phrase "for the good of the company." i personally think that this is more or
less shit, but I was never terribly big on blind patriotism either. I'm not
about to let a sick sense of single-minded determination get in the way of the
things I hold dear to me. I will not let it ruin my health, mental or physical,
and I will not neglect those closest to me. I know they're trying for a "real
world" scenario, but within reason, people, please.

I'm looking forward to the Seminar and having a class with Doc Bob again. It
seems that he has a very good idea of what a fair amount of work is. Although we
have to read and respond to (write a page about) a play for each class, it's not
terribly much as there is very little else to do. A short oral
presentation/report on a topic related to the material (mine's Homer and his
epics) and a slightly longer and more detailed final presentation on a topic of
our choice are the only other assignments in the class.

I'm concerned about the conservatory sections, however. I don't feel that I'm
going to take to them, to really connect with the material. I feel better about
the voice section, largely, I think, because I feel much better about working
with Mr. D. His expectations are reasonable and although I don't think I'm going
to do terribly well with it, I can see how it can be relevant outside of simply
acting.

I don't know how well I'm going to like the movement portion of the conservatory.
I don't feel like I'm going to be comfortable working with K. From what I've
seen and heard, I don't think I'm going to work well with her attitude. She's
understandably concerned about being "professional," but I'm just generally not
comfortable, I suppose, with her sort of professionalism. I am not comfortable
with my body, I have generally very low self-esteem. Being told on the first day
to prance around with a group so people can watch me and decide what about me
they're "drawn to" (i.e "sticks out") was extremely uncomfortable for me, way
beyond the "necessary" mild discomfort they seem to desire us to have. It put me
in a terrible mood and I really didn't come out of it until well into the work
call when I was truely back in my element, I had a physical assigned task that
stood for something when it was done.

I was actually so upset and dissatisfied with the conservatory experience that I
seriously regret letting C talk me into taking the three full credits. I should
have done sem, shop and a class. I really should have. Earler, I was so
frustrated with it, that I questioned even taking rep term at all, I mean, I
work in the shop anyway. But I wouldn't be ME and I wouldn't have sem, so I'm
sticking with it. I'm wondering if I shouldn't talk to C about dropping
conservatory tomorrow before add/drop ends. I wish I had another day to think
about it. I'd also have to find something to take, but I really don't think that
would be hard. I could even pick back up with the website independant study,
maybe. hrm.

Anyway. I've really got to get some sleep. Goodnight to you all.

Posted by drlynn at 01:20

2.01.2004

holy cow

Back to Knox tomorrow.

Posted by drlynn at 23:17

17.12.2003

LOtR part 3

The movie was fantastic. The company.... less so. That forboding feeling I had?
Definately in the right. When the teaser at the beginning of the movie asks you
to turn your cell phone off, they mean OFF. Not down, not to "vibrate," OFF. I
find it incrediably disrespectful of the people around you to sit there in the
darkend theater with your brightly-glowing cellphone, yammering away. And then,
when it's over and your company has obviously enjoyed it more than you did, to
do nothing but complain about how long it was and ruin their dinner plans!

*sigh* At least dinner's been rescheduled. For that I am thankful.

Posted by drlynn at 23:48

16.12.2003

flying = evil

(I haven't been around much lately because I'm still getting the kinks worked out of my home network. It's nasty, ugly and only partially functional. A real pain in the ass, actually.)

I was reminded this weekend of how much I hate flying. It's not whole "being 30,000 feet in the air in a tin can" part, no, I have faith in physics. It's the "having to be there an hour and a half before we're supposed to leave, waiting 45 minutes at the gate after wading through idiot security and being crammed like a sardine in a 12" seat and paying $200 for the pleasure of doing so" part.

I would much MUCH rather take the extra time and take the train.

The visit was very nice, and I don't regret for a minute having gone (although now I have another wedding to prepare for! - at least I have 2.5 years for this one.) I was glad that I got a chance to see people and get all caught up on the happenings. It's nice to be getting older, I can enjoy the company of my family as an adulty-type-person now, and have a wine cooler while doing so :)

I have pre-purchased movie tickets for tomorrow evening - Return of the King, of course. B and I are going. He's bringing a friend I don't know, a fact about which I am kinda disappointed. We really haven't gotten a chance to catch up and rant properly in a while and this could get kinda akward. Well, we'll see. I could be totally wrong and it could be an INCREDIABLE evening. We shall see.

Posted by drlynn at 23:53 | Comments (1)

11.12.2003

chick flick!

B and I went to see Love Actually this evening. I usually don't go in for lovey-dovey chick flicks, but I guess I was in the mood for a restoration of a bit of faith in love and relationships. So much uncertainty (and doubtless over-analization) lately! Anyway, the movie was very cute and the fact that B was the only male in the audience was very amusing. Afterwards, we headed to Applebee's for some grub and I got to meet B's new boyfriend. SUCH a cutie. I hope this one goes well for him, he deserves it.

Posted by drlynn at 23:55

7.12.2003

It's nice reading the paper again.

So I was reading the paper this morning and came across an href="http://www.dailyherald.com/news_story.asp?intid=3796273">interesting
article in the Daily Herald. The article was basically a discussion of the
increasing pratice by churches of accepting credit cards. On one side of the
argument, being reliable, convienent, and easily trackable, it has led to an
increase in donations to churches accepting the cards. On the other side,
opponents of their use say that it encourages those in debt to get further in
dept, takes something spritual from donating, and is not as well-intentioned
because credit card users are often rewarded with points or frequent flyer miles.

Personally, I don't have a credit card (or go to church, but that's a discussion
for another day,) but I DO have a debit card that I use instead of cash almost
all the time and it's service is provided through MasterCard, so no credit
support, no debit support. That would bother me. I don't think I'm the only
person that's this way, and I see society moving more and more to electronic
currency every day.

One of the people quoted in the article seems to feel that one monthly donation
occuring off church premises is less spritual than a weekly bill in the
collection basket. If so, why not have donation forms that can be handed in
weekly as the basket is passed? As one person was quoted as saying in the
article, people don't come to church with goats or grains anymore. Society has
changed and I think it's OK for the churches to change with it. How else do
they expect to keep in touch with their congregations?

Posted by drlynn at 23:54

finding motivation...

is HARD. But slowly and surely I'm doing it. Maybe it's the mounting pressure as
the end of the break nears and I STILL have lots of shit to do.

Ah well, didn't stop me from blowing off yesterday. Stopped by the Raue, saw
Bad Santa and hung out with E for a while. Lemmie tell you, it was really
nice to get out of the house. (And the company was a (very) nice change!)
There's nothing like onion rings and good conversation. Overall, I liked the
movie. It had some genuinely funny moments and walked all over the Santa myth.
Oh, and something that I don't think can be said enough: NOT FOR THE EYES OF
CHILDREN OR THE AGED. That is all.

I finally went over to the house today. Dad and I were measuring rroms to help
decide on furniture. My room is bigger (number-wise) than I remember it being,
so I think the bed and dresser that we found and Thomasville will fit nicely. In
hind-sight I should have taken pictures of of the house so that I had some
digital on-hand. Maybe I'll do that on my way back from Sycamore tomorrow.

I missed the new episode of the Simpsons AND the first half of Angels in
America due to my laziness, not setting up the cable to my computer in time
to recored it and my facination causing me to watch Terminator 2 and lose
track of time.

POSITIVE! --- oh, right, this entry already has its dose of positive...

I think that's all for tonight. My fingers are getting cold in this basement.
Tomorrow I'm going to go get a wireless router so that I can (finally) set up
the i-net connection sharing and not freeze my tukus off or fight my brother off
every time I want to check my email. It will be nice. Very nice.

Posted by drlynn at 23:49

3.12.2003

mmm.... procrastination

I haven't been around much because I've been hard at work procrastinating,
attempting to avoid working on my audition pieces for rep term. It's a waste of
effort, really. While I understand the point behind it, it's bugging me. I mean,
everyone has to audition, but what's the point when everyone is going to be cast?
I know full-well that there are more than enough talented and interested actors
to fill the major and supporting roles without the likes of me wasting their
audition time. If the actors can say "I'm not interested in tech, just put me on
a crew" why can't I say "I'm not interested in acting, give me a minor role" and
be done with it? How is that ANY different? And don't give me that "leaning
experience" crap. If they really thought it was that big of a deal that
"everyone experience something new" then they would make the actors who never do
anything but act put together portfolio and go out for the design positions too!

Yeah. Now I'm in a great mood to go work on the T&D site.

Posted by drlynn at 14:51

30.11.2003

Thanksgiving Redux

Thanks first and foremost for Mom's EXCELLENT stuffing. MMMmmm leftovers...

Today, for the first time in a long time, I finished a novel that I read
completely for myself, on my own accord. *insert crowd cheering here* Shadow
Puppets wound up being a lot more thought-provoking than I remeber its
predicessors being, but that's quite alright. I quite enjoyed it, although I
would recommend to anyone interested, if you haven't read Ender's Game
and the invening books already, you do so first.

Next victim: .... well, I have no idea. Whatever strikes me, I suppose.

After I overcame the turkey and stuffing induced lethagry of this afternoon, I
was able to venture out into the world and procure a few things on my shopping
list. Well, actually, I procured a few things, but none of them were on my list.
I did come home with a new shirt, a wonderful new belt (a guy's reversable, of
course,) a copy of Medea (and a couple other plays by Euripides which I
don't remember right now,) a copy of Dave Matthews Band's latest album (enh,)
and a wedding present! (For someone else, of course.) Yay for impulse buys.

Ok. Enough of this drivel. (That is what "rambling from subject to subject" is
all about, anyway.) If you're interested in what I'm thankful for, and any
further Turkey Day reflections I might have, read on.

In the sprit of Chris's
recent post, I share with you the short, abbreviated and distilled list o'
stuff for which I am thankful.

• My computer, not only for its creative outlet, but for the ability it has to help me keep in touch with those I love and miss.
• The timing of things - the events of September could have been so much worse. So many things are working out for better that it's almost been the best thing to happen to us in a while.
• My close friends, Kyle and Chris especially, for putting up with me and supporting my endevors; for deep discussions and silly banter.
• My health, for showing me ways to strength that are more than physical; for sticking with me this far.
• IMSA for showing me that I was not alone.
• IMSA people for showing me that I'm really NOT the most screwed up person in the world.
• Knox for showing me that it really is ok to study theatre AND computer science.
• Knox people for helping me hold off the "real world" this much longer and for "making" me answer the house phone as the-pledge-that-will-never-be.
• My parents for being cool, calm, and understanding. Only now do I realize why they did what they did, if only I could remember how...
• Rocky for being young and adventurous and making me want to be a kitten-- err, kid again.

Posted by drlynn at 03:25

28.11.2003

i dreamed a dream...

'Woke up at 3 (pm) after the strangest dream I've had in a while:

I had a dream last night that they changed the way that rep term auditions worked at the last minute and held audtions and cast the plays *before* break. I didn't have anything prepared, so I had to wing it; I tried to do "Muse of Fire" but since i learned it for acting class, I couldn't use it to audition. So instead, i read cold and had a *horrible* audition. I didn't think i was going to get anything other than "third larder girl" or something, a fact with which i was really OK. The shows were different and the directors weren't doc bob and ivan, but two people I didn't expect - they might have been professionals, but i think they were students.

Anyway, I was cast as the "prim and proper" love interest for Jack Nicholson's
leading man in one of the plays, which was set in the late 19th century, I think.
I was (understandably) really intimidated by him, and i tried not to let it show,
but when I did, the director thought it was just acting and thought that I was
really good. It turned out though, that acting with Mr. Nicholson was really fun
and was enjoying rehersal when i woke up.

Go figure, eh? That's what I get for thinking about those audition pieces before
I go to bed. Imagine my disappointment when I woke up and discovered it wasn't
true. I can see all sorts of meanings in this dream, but i don't know how far I
should read into it. What do you think?

Posted by drlynn at 18:53

27.11.2003

observations and commercialization

Currently on the nightstand: Shadow Puppets - FINALLY getting around to
reading it. It's good. It's fun. It's good break reading. It's about time! (I
bought said book about 6 months ago, if not more.)

They say "Christmas comes but once a year," and I'm begining to understand why.
It's hard for something to come more than once a year when it's omnipresent for
MONTHS. I'm sorry, I'm all for holiday cheer as much as the next guy, but it's
not even December yet. This wouldn't bother me at all if the concepts charity,
cheer and good-will hung around much longer but no, of course not, it's ugly
decorations, plastic santas, bad Christmas music and even worse movies. *sigh*

That said, we bought or replacement tree and some decorations today. Mom has
carolers up on the mantel, and I don't think we're going to be able to hold off
the tree much longer. Since I was the only person to come up with a theme for
the decorations this year (Mom: "So what should be our theme this year?" in
unison, Dad and I: "Christmas" Mom: "Well, I guess I can't blame Chelsea, it's
genetic.") I was the one to whom the decisions as to what to buy were generally
deferred. I rule. My general aspiration was to avoid getting too much stuff. So
far, so good.

Due in part to DeKalb County offering hefty holiday pay rates, most of my family
will be having two Thanksgiving dinners this year. While Mom's working, we've
been invited to dine with some friends of the family and then we're having a
family dinner on Saturday. Due to this, we have two of almost everything
necessary for a feast except the turkey. We can't, of course, show up empty
handed, so we're showing up over-burdened instead. Ah well, the more (food) the
merrier.

I think that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, though. If you take away all
the commercialization and the 3rd grade Pilgrims story, what is really is about
it is getting together with friends and family and appreciating what you have
and don't have (to deal with. ;P) Granded, this year my family has had a huge
wake-up call as to what we should be thankful for, every year, for me and my
parents at least, it's been about taking a step back, being thankful, and then
stuffing yourself silly. There's a lot to be said for stuffing yourself silly.
But seriously, I encourage all of you, as you sit down around the table, between
the rantings of distant relatives and the bowlfuls (or can-fulls, ha!) of
cranberry sauce, to take a good look around you and think of a few things for
which you are truely, genuinely thankful. And pass the potatoes, please.

Posted by drlynn at 00:43

24.11.2003

SotN

Very appropriate:

Dave Matthew's Band: "Say Goodbye"

So here we are tonight,
you and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see
what's on my mind
You've got me wild
turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping
up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way
I do now
Now let's make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
just for an evening
When we make
our passion pictures
You and me twist up
secret creatures
And we'll stay here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
But tonight let's be lovers,
We kiss and sweat
We'll turn this better thing
to the best
Of all we can offer, Just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
I'm turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight

Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tomorrow go back to your man
I'm back to my world
And we're back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let's do this thing
All we are is wasting hours until the sun comes up it's all ours
On our way here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
Tonight let's be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight let's go all the way then
Love I'll see you,
Just for this evening
Let's strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away

And tomorrow
back to being friends
Lovers...love...lovers
Just for tonight, one night...love you
And tomorrow say goodbye

---

Boy, this has been a fucked up term. Yes.

I can only hope that break will help things settle down a bit.

Here's hoping.

Posted by drlynn at 23:00

22.11.2003

sotd

Not because I feel this way, but becuase it's such a good song:

Smash Mouth - Waste

I'm lookin' at my watch
At all the time that's been stolen
When I was carrying you
It seems I've tripped and I've fallen
Don't want no one to ache
Oh to be drunk and forgetful
To get out of this unscathed
Oh to be free and inhuman
Some may say I love to play
When the chance is there to take
I'm moppin' up the floor
From messy recipes of romance
I'm packin' up the pots
Too many cooks in the kitchen
Some may say I love to let a good thing go to waste
I let it go to waste
Let a good thing go to waste a good thing go to waste
Let a good thing go to waste a good thing go to waste
I'm lookin' at my watch
At all the time that's been stolen
When I was carrying you
Seems I've tripped and I've fallen

I hope this encourages people to go out and listen to something new. It's good
stuff, I promise!

Posted by drlynn at 01:16

19.11.2003

winter creeps upon me

It just occured to me today that the term is almost over. That was ten weeks
that went by way too fast. Break brings with it anything but. I'm hoping to work,
but I've yet to hear back from S or J. Hrm. I've talked to M about working, and
December's looking to be a slow month. Sad.

Aside from work, I have.... more work! Two monologues to find and memorize (yay)
as well as a website to finish constructing. (I'm giving myself an incomplete
for the term and working on it over break.) I don't know what I'm going to
formally about this project Winter Term, but I am planning on heavily
documenting rep term for the website. Should be very, very cool when it's done.
If it's ever done. *sigh* That reminds me. I now have pictures with which I can
make fun stuff for href="http://techmommy.phealy.com/arcadia/">Arcadia's website. Add
that to the to-do list!

More than anything, I'm hoping to check some things off my increasingly long "to
read" list. Some of them are just silly fantasy-type things for a mind-relaxer
and a few are intellectually stimulating. We'll see what happens.

I've spent the past few hours with "Chelsea Time;" I've been cleaning and taking
care of things that I've been meaning to do for a while. I finally hung my
"curtains," re-organized some stuff, cleaned and tidied. I feel much better
about my room now. It's funny how much the condition of my environment affects
my ability (or inability) to concentrate. Understandable, though.

It's still not sinking in for me that when I go home on Monday, I'm not going
home. As I'm pulling stuff together to pack, things keep occuring to me
that I wouldn't ordinarily have had to pack, like my toolkit, a poster or two
and my screen. I left my coat at home on accident last weekend, so I don't have
to worry about that, but I do have to bring my laundry hamper home because I
don't have one there. Weird. The days spent emptying the house into the dumpster
are still a bit of a blur. I'm just hoping that it doesn't hit me all at once
and turn me into a gelantenous blob. That would be most unbecoming.

For now, I obsessively windex my desk for the second time today (god damn finger
oils!) and go eat a BEAUTIFUL dinner in the caf. Hopefully I can get some
reading done over food.

Posted by drlynn at 18:25

17.11.2003

second sotd

ok, another:

Norah Jones: The Nearness of You

Its not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me,
oh no
Its just the nearness of you

It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation,
oh no
Its just the nearness of you

When you're in my arms
and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams
came true

I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me
the right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night
the nearness of you.

Posted by drlynn at 20:17

sotd

Not quite the same, but close enough.... *sigh*

Norah Jones: "I've Got To See You Again"

Line on your face don't bother me
Down in my chair when you dance over me
I can't help myself
I've got to see you again

Late in the night when I'm all alone
And I look at the clock and I know you're not home
I can't help myself

I've got to see you again
I could almost go there
Just to watch you be seen
I could almost go there
Just to live in a dream

But no I won't go for any of those reasons
To not touch your skin is not why I sing
I can't help myself
I've got to see you again

I could almost go there...

No I won't go to share you with them
But oh even though I know where you've been
I can't help myself
I've got to see you again

Posted by drlynn at 19:59

16.11.2003

misc

This is the official "this is how my week went because I'm too busy to post in
real(ish) time."

So. Last weekend was awkward. The Matrix movie was alright. That's all I'm going
to say about that.

The week was crazy busy. It was a nice challenge to reform the Arcadia plot into
the plot for the dance show this weekend. Part of me regrets missing it, but
most of me is SOOO GLAD I can home this weekend. I really needed it.

My checkbook got a lot lighter this week with the puchase of href="http://store.sharpsystems.com/product.asp?sku=2402115">my new computer.
I'm not posting from it right now as there appears to be a problem with the
modem and AOL or just the modem, but I didn't feel like dealing with it right
now. If it is the modem, I'll be pissed. But that's for later.

A funny: The End of the
World [flash - long load time!] [mild work warning for some language and
loud outburts... "MOTHERLAND!!!!"]

My paper due Monday was done Thursday night. I've re-read it once since then. I
know I should be editing it more, but I really don't think I care all that much.
That's really not a good thing. I do need to care about this.

I still have crits to read. Damn.

I have to start looking for/working on audition monolouges for rep term. Damn.

Our temporary house is nice, if a little small. I basically have the (unfished)
basement to myself (except for the section that's dad's office) but I'm in need
of something in which I can keep my clothes and my screens or something to make
"walls." I appropriated a bookshelf and a chair, and i have a sofa-bed thing
lamps, end tables and a coffee table, but I really need somewhere to put my
clothes... I'll have to remind dad about that.

I finally got contacts! It looks like these (the first brand that he wanted me
to try that they didn't have so he gave me something else) are going to work.
It's nice to be able to see again! Yay! Although, since it's been a few weeks,
they're taking some getting used to again. By the middle of the day, I was
alright. Although they're getting a little dry now. I'll take 'em out soon.

Visited the guys at the Raue tonight; that was a lot of fun. I didn't realize
how much I missed those guys. Good times, good times.

well. I'm exhausted. I don't think the grease-ball of a frisco melt I had at
Steak & Shake is helping that any. It's probably time to hit the hay. yeah,
sounds like a good idea.

Good night and sweet dreams to you all!

oh, and if you ever get a chance, really listen to Smash Mouth's Astro
Lounge - it's absolutely incrediable stuff when you pay attention to the
lyrics, floating home at one in the morning from an evening out. well, it's
great other times too...

"He quoted Hamlet?? I tell ya, for a guy who once equated gayness with
beastiality, he seems to know an awful lot about the theatre...." Jon
Stewart

Posted by drlynn at 02:59

4.11.2003

ah HA!

I just remembered why I'm getting free issues of Time. I bought a CD at Sam Goody a while back with my "credit card" and because I did so , I got 8 free weeks of Entertainment Weekly or some such thing, but there was some kind of screw-up and they sent me Time instead. So now I know.

In refrence to watching IMSA's Sigma Nu's do Tunak: "It's like IMSA except all male and more drunk!" - Will

Posted by drlynn at 21:34 | Comments (1)

It's raining. Again.

Usually I like the rain, but days on end with no sun makes Chelsea something something.

Go crazy?

Don't mind if I do!

I made an ass of myself over email again. Yay.

It's amazing, really, how I can have about 8 gigs of (mostly legal) music on my iPod and still not have something I feel like listening to right now. I think that I need to go on another music-buying binge like I did about this time last year. I need more good classical, LOTS of Bach, some Mozart, no Chopin because it usually gets me all worked up, but maybe some others. I would also like to get some Jimmy Eat World and White Stripes, Good Charlotte, maybe Hives or Vines
for when I'm in a ... harder mood.

What I really need, is an easy, intelligent way to mange playlists on my iPod. As far as I can tell, you can't create new playlists with songs already on the iPod with MusicMatch. At least, not in an easy, obvious way that I could find. I hope iTunes will let me do this. I really hate the idea of having mutiple copies of a song simply because it's on more than one playlist.

I watched part of the "forum" tonight, but didn't really come away from it for one canidate over another. I do admire Sharpton for some of the bold, honest and "really needed to be said" statements he made, but I don't know how realistic his possibilities are. Clark impressed me more than I though he would. Mr. K just needs to get to the point and shut up. I was disappointed with the way Dean handled the "You said you were uncomfortable with gay marriages" question. In the end, he's right, but I felt he should have stood up for himself a little more. I'll probably have more to say later, this is off the top of my head.

I'm laptop shopping again. I really should stop this and do my homework. Yeah. Right. Work.

I got Halloween candy in the mail today. :) I think it's a conspriacy. My mother and I have a deal that whoever loses the most weight by Thanksgiving buys the other a pair of pants. She's trying to tip the scale. (pun intended.. heeheeheee)

Posted by drlynn at 21:16 | Comments (4)

2.11.2003

mutimedia postage

I got one of the new twenties from the ATM today. I like the design a lot more
on this. I don't see what the big deal is about the color. It is pretty low-
impact in general, although the color-changing ink is a nice touch.

For those who want to see them, my pictures from Sigma Boo last night are here:
href="http://techmommy.phealy.com/sigmaboo/">http://techmommy.phealy.com/sigmabo
o/. I apologize for the fact that they have generic filenames and no
captions whatsoever. Too lazy. Be warned that the first few are pretty big, my
camera's defult is HUGE and I forgot to change the setting. G's pictures are
also available here: href="http://student.knox.edu/gtruman/gallery/sigmaboo/index.html">http://studen
t.knox.edu/gtruman/gallery/sigmaboo/index.html for your captioned viewing
pleasure.

Also, for those who don't believe me, I (and my IMSA compatriots) knew of Tunak
before we knew Knox SNus. Here is some href="http://techmommy.phealy.com/pseudotunak.mpg">proof, circa 2001.

I would also like to take a moment to evangelize href="http://www.robdougan.com/">Rob Dougan (a.k.a Rob D.) and his awesome,
awesome music. Even if his album art is a little weird... I highly recommend to
anyone that likes the Matrix music, techno, or string/instrumental stuff to take
a listen. I'll lend you if you ask nicely, or you can listen on the above
linked website. :)

Well anyway, it's getting late, so I think it's time for bed. I love you all,
goodnight.

Posted by drlynn at 02:12

1.11.2003

now that was a party

So I was in a really deep sleep when the alarm went of this morning. Dragging
myself out of bed was like walking through mud, and then, after hitting "sleep"
I couldn't go back to sleep. Ah well. So up I am. I woke up with the
feeling that I had previously been dreaming and now I can't remeber any of it.
That's probably alright, though, because I have a very strong feeling that,
after last night, I might not want to remember them.

Last night was.... fun. I say that with some hesitation only because a few
things happened about which I know not what to think, but those can be dealt
with later. Watching movies in J's room. eating pizza and chatting with the
people wandering in and out. Very fun. J's apple tobacco is really good. I had a
real nice buzz going.

Anyway. I will analyze and post pictures later, as for now I have to get dressed,
eat breakfast/lunch and go to tech. (Yay, tech...)

Posted by drlynn at 11:33 | Comments (1)

28.10.2003

blog, chelsea, blog!

So. Last week was.... long. This weekend was a good break from that longness. Very little actually done but some good relaxing. I still don't believe that I slept through the battle of helm's deep, but I must have been *really* tired. That was Friday night. Saturday night, C and I watched The Hours. While it was very good, I don't think it was as good as certain people had made it out to be. *ahem* At least that's one film scratched off the "to watch" list.

Note to self: do not buy Wal-Mart brand gummy bears again. Note to self the second: bring E 5000 staples and a ream of paper in Nov.

Grading is done just in time for the next round of projects. At the end of his class I was really disappointed with my "low" grade. Now I see how he grades, I realize it really was an achievement. I slept in this morning and missed today's projects. I feel really bad about that... Hopefully Craig and I will be able to get these graded ASAP. I'm going to have a paper to write sooner than later and I'm going to need the time.

That said, my history prof handed out the assignment for the "long paper" (5-6 -ages, fully single spaced) on Monday. Doesn't look too hard, although I've never written a paper such as this from a novel before, so it'll be challenging in its own right. I'm over half done with the book; I'm glad I got a head start, so I have a chance to read it and actually enjoy/absorb it.

I still haven't finished the template for the Knox Theatre site. I feel terrible about it, too. If Netscape and IE would display things the same way (It doesn't even have to be correct, just the same!!!) then it would have been done ages ago. I'm just getting really sick of wrestling with this. I might just break down and ask D. M. about it. I refuse to use tables!

No drawing tomorrow. I really wish I could have gone to Chicago, but I really shouldn't take the day off work. We need tomorr6w to finish the hang. Anyway, because of no drawing tomorrow, in addition to the 18x24" painting for Thursday I have to do a 3x4' copy of a Picasso. I'll get crackin' on that tomorrow AM when there usually would be class. I think I can get one if not both done in three hours.

I called Tiger and they'll take the RAM back without charging a restocking fee. Yay!

My replacement check from IMSA/The State of Illinois came in the mail today. Yay!

The check from the insurance company should be coming in the mail this week. Yay!

I think that's just about all the boring updates for now. Thank you for sticking with me this far.

I'm planning on heading to IMSA the weekend after Arcadia to see Dr. Faustus. (Arcadia's the 5th through 8th, so Faustus is the 14th through the 16th.) I'd like to take a few people back with me. Maybe L and K will go. Could be fun. :) I hope a bunch of other people make it back to see it; I am missing the IMSA-types dearly. Not nearly enough of that special insanity around here. (Too much of that "we're going to make up pretend family"
crap, strangely enough.) I need to call T and see if he wants to do dinner while we're up there.

Apparently Spunky (the kitten) is growing like a weed. If I don't head back soon, I might not recognize him when I get there!

Now that I've thoroughly procrastinated by cleaning everything in sight, I'm going to bed. Good night, all.

Posted by drlynn at 01:57 | Comments (1)

21.10.2003

crappy day, but nice dinner!

*sigh* I haven't been in the best of moods since lunch (thereabouts) and it's
been making me think about bitchy things and that's just been making things
worse. There's one thing in particular on my mind and I just need to get it out
an move on; I have more important things to do with my life.

I just love finding out, at the end of the weekend, that a group of my
"friends" went camping this weekend (something of which I am very fond,) had
been planning to for a WEEK and didn't even TELL ME let alone invite me. I
probably wouldn't have been able go anyway, but the fact that I was like
"Where's so-and-so?" Saturday night... It's just really uncool and upsetting and
I don't know what to think of it (and them) now.

On a lighter note, I love being M.E. (no, seriously, I do ;) I really shouldn't
have done the circuiting at 1AM (same dimmer, different channel - WTF?) but now
that things are getting straightened out, I'm happy. I don't love, however,
being told how to do my job and being badgered about it. I like getting help and
recognize the need for help, but... *emits low growl* OK. I'm done now.

Dinner was nice. K and I went to Applebee's. Not glamourous, but yummy. This and
my nap have been the bright stars of my evening so far. I am now eating a thing
of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and lamenting all the work I have
to do. mmmm....

Posted by drlynn at 22:25

20.10.2003

more done! yay!

Today and last night, I:

• read history reading
• outline and write two page response paper (remembering what you have to live up to now...)
• two 18"x24" tonal drawings for Drawing
• circuited for Arcadia
• rearranged computer stuff (sooo nice)
• installed and tested printer
• continue reading My German Question
• read intro tech self-evaluations
• edited, printed and copied the midterm for tomorrow

Meeting with Craig to grade mousetraps was cancelled bacause Jenn had little
Amber Morgan this afternoon around noon. Craig's understandably a little
preoccupied right now, so I took care of the midterm stuff and I'll give it
tomorrow. I'm so proud of myself for figuring out how to use the copy machine.

I spent a lot of time in Steak and Shake last night, reading and working on
various things. I think the waitress thought I was nuts. A coffee mocha
milkshake and a couple of glasses of water later, I decided to go home.

Much of the weekend was spent working, and as obnoxious as that was, it was
rewarding to get this stuff done. I wish I had been able to clean up the last
little things on my list, but such is life. Tomorrow I'll get done as much as I
can and hopefully the rest of the week will be a little less crazed.

Shit left to do:

• finish Theatre and Dance template
  
• rough-out TAB section of site.
  
• two 18"x24" tonal drawings for Drawing
  
• enter light plot info into lightwrite
  
• start inventoring library, cds
  
• continue reading My German Question
  
• grade mousetraps before meeting with Craig
  
• hang curtains
  
• mail letters
  
• find scissors
  

Now, to bed.

Posted by drlynn at 02:22

18.10.2003

chipping away

Done:

• finish personal site redesignm uploaded to http://techmommy.phealy.com
• see Kill Bill with C, A, A, R, and K
• dishes
• install and test readerware software for inventorying library, cds and dvds
• start inventoring library, cds and dvds (sorta - DVDs are done)
• go see Wax and Wayne Saturday night (well, I'm leaving in a few minutes to go...)
• birthday thank you notes (just need to be mailed)

So in otherwords, all the little crap. Whee!

Posted by drlynn at 19:35

well, that's 2 down

I can scratch 2 off my list. My new
website is done and up. (tell me if you find any problems) and I saw Kill
Bill.

Damn. It totally kicked my ass. If violence, martial arts, swordplay and revenge
are anywhere near your thing, go see it. I mean, it starts out with "Revenge is
a dish best served cold." very cool. highly recommended.

Posted by drlynn at 03:38

17.10.2003

OMG

This is the "Oh My God I Have So Much Shit To Do My Head Is Going To Explode" post.

Shit to do this weekend:

• finish personal site redesign - P helped me solve my little Java/CSS issue, so I can actually do that now, then:
  
• finish Theatre and Dance template
  
• rough-out TAB section of site. Wait patiently by inbox for H to email me content
  
• read history reading
  
• outline and write two page response paper (remembering what you have to live up to now...)
  
• see Kill Bill with C, A, A, A's girlfriend, K, and possibly J
  
• two 18"x24" tonal drawings for Drawing
  
• circuiting, circuiting, circuiting! Where am I going to find that many lines for the first electric?
  
• rearrange computer stuff so that it's not going to eat me, looks decent then:
  
• install and test printer so you can mail UPC to E
  
• do dishes
  
• install and test readerware software for inventorying library, cds and dvds
  
• start inventoring library, cds and dvds
  
• continue reading My German Question
  
• go see Wax and Wayne Saturday night
  
• birthday thank you notes
  
• read intro tech self-evaluations
  
• grade mousetraps with craig
  
• hang curtains
  

That's just about all I can think of now. If I start working now, I might be able to get it done. Maybe. And note that "eat" and "sleep" are not on this list. I do, however have "watch movie" and "watch play" so hopefully my head won't explode. I love you all, see you on Monday.

Posted by drlynn at 17:20 | Comments (2)

15.10.2003

And the Cubs..... lose...

Sorely disappointed I am. Oh well, it could have been awesome, instead it was
underwhelming. Such is life, I guess.

Life lately has been insanely busy. Too much to do. Although I finally got
around to doing (most) of my dishes, that doesn't make up for being behind on my
web project. If only I could get that stupid menu working. If you're insanely
adept with JavaScript and CSS, talk to me!

In other news, I got my History midterm back today. I'm still an IMSA student at
heart - an A- shouldn't make me this happy. I've started reading the book for
the "big paper" (5 -7 pages) and it seems to me like the prose is actually
something I won't have to wrestle with; it seems like a book I might read in my
spare time for kicks, although it does look fairly depressing. (My
German Question by Peter Gay - memoirs of his time spent in Nazi
Germany as a young adult.)

I think the people in the mail room are stealing my birthday cards for the money.
I've yet to recieve the cards from either of my grandmothers. :P

I've been a Tiger Direct/UPS customer for several years, but I'm really
frustrated by what's going on right now. At the beginning of September, I
ordered some RAM (a 128MB so-dimm of PC133) but ordered the wrong kind (your
motherboard does PC100, stupid) so I called and asked to exchange it. The guy
seemed to understand, said "it's done" and gave me an RMA number for the
returning RAM. Weeks go by and I hear NOTHING from them. I do some investigating,
and it appears that they sent the WRONG KIND OF RAM. Regular dimms instead of
the SO-DIMM I specifically asked for. That's ok, though, I can deal with that.
I'll just sell it. But then I look at UPS's tracking thing (already confused as
to why Tiger says it's shipped and yet I haven't recieved a shipment
confirmation) and UPS says it was delivered on SEPTEMBER 29! I called my dad,
thinking he might have forgot to mention its arrival, and he hasn't seen or
heard of it. This is October 10. We search the house, thinking maybe one of the
crew guys moved it and we missed it. Nope, no RAM. OK. So I call Tiger to make
sure that this really happened. And it did. So I called UPS to see what to do
about reporting lost packages. They say the sender has to report it. I say "OK"
and call Tiger. The customer service guy I spoke to barely spoke ANY english and
told me that I needed to call UPS. I said "hell no, that's YOUR responsibilty"
he studders and says, "ok," *clickclick* "it'll take up to ten business days.
Anything else I do for you today?" "No." "Would you like to purchase some ink
for your printer?" "Would you like me to shove it up your ass? yeah. I thought
not." Ok, I didn't really say that, but damn I wanted to. Thankfully, if they
find the package, I can get a refund from Tiger and they can keep their RAM.
*sigh*

I'm sorry, you didn't want to read that. But I needed to vent.

I'm fighting the cold that's going around right now, so I've been going to bed
early. In fact, I'm going right now. Kyle's bringing me DayQuil. mmmm.... drugs.

Posted by drlynn at 23:22

13.10.2003

happy birthday to me...

Note to self: waking up 6 minutes before a midterm is a BAD idea. I don't
remember hearing the alarm go off at all. oops. I got there on time, granted I
LOOKED like I had just rolled out of bed. There goes my plan for dressing up
today. Ah well. Too many things to do today.

Posted by drlynn at 12:41

12.10.2003

the weekend

Birthday Countdown: 1!

For not doing much of anything, this was a really, really nice weekend.

Friday night( (when not wrestling with the dial-up) was spend watching the cubs
game and going out to dinner with K. We went to the Corkshire pub in Hampshire
and I had the best reuben I've ever had. I kid you not; this sandwich was
AWESOME. Much vegiating and playing with Kitten was had. Attempts were made to
give the kitten a name. No luck. Possibilities included Tiger, Teddy, Tabby,
Lil', Feisty, and many others I forget now.

Much of Saturday was spent sleeping. My parents gave me my birthday present
(early so I could exchange it if necessary.) I now own one of the coolest TV
tuner boxes I've seen. It's a href="http://www.pinnaclesys.com/ProductPage_n.asp?Product_ID=1008&Langue_ID=7">
Pinnacle PCTV Deluxe. VERY happy Chelsea.

When we finally got up (and got off our butts :P) K and I went shoe shopping. I
found the shoes I want (the same ones I have now) but they didn't have my size.
I got irrationally angry about this for a while, which pointed out to me yet
again this issue I have. It seems that whenever I have the slighest inkling of
some sort of "plan" and all doesn't go according to said "plan" then I get
really pissed and frustrated. It doesn't matter how big or small, for whatever
rational or irrational reason. It just happens. I don't know why. Maybe I'm too
wrapped up in details, or maybe I'm just too anal. It really bothers me though,
almost ruined dinner Saturday night. Thankfully I had the 25 minutes from
Randall Road to Sorentos to cool off.

By the time we got there, we were in much better spirits and read to enjoy
dinner. I had completely forgot that this weekend was Central's homecoming; the
place was packed. Thank heavens we had a reservation. I had an EXECELLENT filet
mingon, and K had the Surf and Turf. It was really really nice to be able to sit
and talk and be with each other, stress-free. I meantioned that we should do
this at least once a term, and he seemed to agree with me. :) After dinner K
gave me my birthday present: a beautiful necklace to go with my ring and a red
Swingline Stapler. *warm fuzzies (not for the stapler)*

More attempts were made to name the Kitty. I think we finally settled on
"Spunky" because DAMN that kitten has a lot of energy and we were NOT naming it
"Ozz" per Spencer's suggestion.

Sunday was big breakfast. Biscuits and susage gravy. *yum* more laziness. B came
over for a while; it was good to see him again and catch up. I'm glad to hear
that he's doing well; working full time and going to school is hard on him, but
it's really good for him and he's enjoying it. I got a chance to catch up with
his mom a bit too.

I really didn't want to leave. I seem to be one of the few "teens"/"people my
age" who actually likes spending time with my parents, at home. I don't suppose
all this fire stuff has helped me be any less homesick. *heavy, tired sigh*

I need to study for my mid term tomorrow and get to bed. Goodnight.

Posted by drlynn at 23:10

10.10.2003

Unexpected Suprise

Birthday Countdown: 3

We have a new kitten. Apparently Mom was on her way to work, saw a "free kitten"
sign, and fell in love. It's absolutely adorable (as most kittens tend to be,)
triger-striped, brown, grey and black. Right now it's curled up in the cutest
ball, sleeping in the bathroom. It's only about 7 weeks old, so we don't have a
sex yet, but we're thinking of "Tiger" as a name. Seems appropriate. It's fiesty.

I'm very very glad that it's Friday. It's been a long week. I'm just worn out.
At least I got caught up in history thursday night, but I slept through class
thursday morning. oops. I'm home this weekend, so I don't think I'll get much of
a chance to study for the history midterm, but it's a short-essay midterm ANYWAY,
so I don't think much studying would help. Here's hoping.

Right now, I'm watching the Cubs go into extra innings (again.) I haven't
watched this much baseball in a long time. I'd forgotten how much fun it is.
Spencer's games are fun, but they just don't compare. Kyle's making fun of me
because I talk to/yell at the TV. :P

I had a bunch of profound things to say in the past few days, but now I think
I'm too tired; I can't remember any of them. I've been so insanely busy, I keep
forgetting things. I'm really really happy, though: I got my Check Engine light
turned off today!!!! It's actually kinda of wierd... Like something's wrong.
I'll get used to it. I also got my oil changed (a few thousand miles overdue...)
I was able to rip the previously mentioned possibly-illegal CD without problem,
so I can listen to it while I'm working (=> very happy Chelsea) and I've been
taking care of all sorts of odds-and-ends this week.

For now, I have to end. My battery's almost out, and I'm too lazy to get out the
cord. More later. :)

Posted by drlynn at 23:39

7.10.2003

Go Cubbies!

I'm so excited that the Cubs are doing this well in the post season. It's been
hard being a Cubs fan with loss after loss... Even if they don't make it, it's
been a lot of fun cheering them on. Who knows? First the pennant, then the World?
It sounds like tonight's game was quite a doozy. 'Shame I had to miss it. Ah
well.

oh, a recommendation: NEVER get the "Nestea Cool Raspberry." The inconvience
store was out of Lipton, so desperate for raspberrry tea goodness, I bought this
red crap. (The color should have turned me off initially, but it's been
misleading before. It's only color....) The first ingredent is "high fructose
corn syrup" and I can feel my blood sugar rising at first taste. It's over-sweet
and disgusting. Although the ingredents claim that it contains tea, I certainly
can't taste it. It tastes like that disgusting "Fruit Works" crap and certainly
doesn't taste like raspberry. So disappointed.

The 100 Grand, on the other hand, was excellent as usual.

I've been reading bits of Napoleon's (not naooleon...) Memoirs for my history
class, and I have to admit, he really knew how to rule people. His text
indicates an understanding of people that few seem to have, although they also
indicate how incrediably full of himself he was, and that certainly colors some
of his writing. Not to mention that he's a compete bigot. Where's that quote? Oh,
yeah," ... [Women] are, in reality, only machines for bearing children." Check.
I'll get right on shooting babies from my crotch. As soon as I'm done pommeling
your short ass. Seriously though, he does seem to have an excellent grasp on
just how to keep people. His description of why he chose Catholicism over
Protestantism is very logical and considerate, not to mention his reasoning for
religous toleration. It's facinating. Altough he claims to know what's better
for people than they do sometimes, he calls for "rule by majority opinion" and
all that. When I find free time, I must look into this futher.

In other news, I met with TAB today to discuss the website. The first real test
of my work outside of Craig. It stood up fairly well, if I do say so myself.
I'm just really happy to have something finally happening with this project.
It's refreshing to be able to put my work to good use. Now as soon as I get the
template finished-finished, I can start building things. It'll happen by Friday,
I promise. I'm working on getting the webspace. I think I'm going to have to ask
craig to write Sean Reidell, because I have a sneaking suspusion i'm going to
need a "faculty sponsor." Sigh. I hate bureaucracy. As soon as I do, I'll have
templates up for your digestion. (Yay.)

Anyway. C wants to go on a Gizmo run, and I think I need something to redeem
myself to my taste-buds after that disgusting brew. Goodnight all.

Posted by drlynn at 23:20

6.10.2003

procrastination

Birthday Countdown: 6

See Chelsea. See Chelsea blog. Blog, Chelsea, blog!

This is my procrastination.

With E's help I bought a printer today. (yay!)

I have too much reading to do. It occurs to me that I really should start
reading the novel that we have to read for history before, like, the week before
the paper's due. That would be a good idea.

In other news, grading presentations is HARD. I'm really worried that I'll be
overcritical or not critical enough.... Right now I'm going with gut feelings
and as honest as I can be. It doesn't help that all the ones so far have been
pretty good. Damn my good students. :P

The Salt and Vinager chips are going to burn a hole through my tounge. Oh well,
at least it will taste good.

So I bough this (awesome) cd "like new" from amazon marketplace. Not only goes
it get here with the "property of the record company, do not sell" stamp on it,
but it SKIPS LIKE HELL. I've contacted the "company" that sold it to me, to see
what they have to say about it. If I don't hear from them, I might bring Amazon
into it. I'm getting a bit of a fuzzy feeling about this. I don't like the idea
of holding "stolen" goods - especailly with the RIAA on the hunt the way they
are.

Going home this weekend. *so excited* I miss my parents and my kitties! Oh, wait.
Damn. Now I'm upset again. *sigh* I don't think this feeling of "wistful
saddness" will ever go away. Damn damn damn damn.

I'm going to go before this gets any worse. Napoleon, here I come...

Posted by drlynn at 22:42

3.10.2003

ironies and concidences

B-Day Count-down: 10

Now that things have, for the most part, settled down, I'll do one last fire update with you and share some of the collected "ooo creepy" ironies and concidences of this whole ordeal. But first, the update:

The house is now completely empty, save the trash furniture and junk that we left (the contractor's guys will haul that out for us.) We (well, my parents) met with the contractor Wednesday to discuss the reconstruction. The actual work will begin as soon as they can get the permits from the County. (They said that, because this is a reconstruction of an existing structure, it should be quick.)
They're going to be gutting the entire first floor and rebuilding it from scratch, more or less. Because they are ripping everything out, we're getting new windows in the downstairs (I'm kinda disappointed that they're not going to be able to save the original windows from the house. It *is* a historial house afterall...) and they're going to wind up remodeling both bathrooms. (The floor, tub, and possibly sinks upstairs are more or less ruined.) We get a new roof on
the back room (yay!) and probably new garage doors.

Mom's already picked out wallpaper, flooring and fabrics. Things are getting underway. We're moving into the duplex next week. (I'll take my camera back with me next weekend for pictures.) Also, according to the insurance adjustor, we should have the check for the money to replace everything that was in our house and ruined by the end of next week. (Or was it the week after? I forget, but it's amazingly soon.)

Alright, on to the interesting bits:
#1) The first few nights after the fire, my parents were staying a motel. They later move across town to the Comfort Inn and Suites where their room number is 219. We are now moving into a duplex. The street address? 219.

#2) The fire started in our house about 8:45pm Tuesday, September 16. About the same time, the Post fire alarm went off. (Post is the building I live in.)

#3) When my dad called 911, our (entirely volunteer) firemen had just completed a meeting at the fire station and we getting ready to leave.

#4) In the checkout line at wal-mart, replacing my brother's school supplies, my dad mentioned the fire. Turns out, the cashier was a fire(wo)man from a company that had sent a truck to our fire. This was in DeKalb, we live in Hampshire and she works for Maple Grove. Small world.

So that's more or less it, right now.

Posted by drlynn at 23:43 | Comments (1)

30.09.2003

procrastination

SNuper Troopers this weekend. Should be... interesting.

The walk-through with the contractor is tomorrow. We're going to find out just
how much of our house has to be rebuilt and what cost. I'm just glad to hear
that this contractor is steadfast in his statement that it will only take six
months. (six months!!!) My parents are moving into the duplex in about a
week. I can't be there to help then, so I'm going home the next weekend (which
also happens to be the weekend before my birthday.... ) to help get settled.

Speaking of birthdays, I really don't have any idea what I want, so don't ask. I
still haven't gotten my paycheck from IMSA *grumblefuckingstategrumble* so money
toward my new laptop would actually be really nice. Or you could check out my
Amazon wishlist if you're feeling really uncreative.

But enough about me. I really need to get my reading done and go to bed. I have
some profound entries coming, I promise. When I have time, get done seqing
=alt.jarf and still have time, I'll get around to it. Then I'll update my
webpage. Ha ha. Yeah. Right.

Goodnight, folks.

"That's scary"
"No, not scary. Try "batshit insane."

Posted by drlynn at 02:02

27.09.2003

to dream a dream...

The past few days have been insanely busy. I'm glad that I had the chance last night to slow down a bit. D and I went to see The Imaginary Invalid by Moliere, preformed at Carl Sandburg College. The lead was very strong, A had a lot of potential and G played a great man. :D All-in-all I thought it was well done. I really liked the poduction concept (setting the action in the 1920's) and the set was very artistically done.

The theatre space itself I found to be quite interesting. It was a very small, intimate, procenium space that was much wider than it was deep. All-in-all, I liked it, but it didn't seem like a place that would be very fun to work with as a lighting designer....

Afterwards, I talked with D for a while and found out what's been going on in her life. I really don't know what to say. It can only go one of two ways, I don't think either of them would be easy. But something has to happen or everyone involved is going to go crazy, I think. We watched A Mighty Wind for a while (which is a lot like Best in Show, being made by the same people and all, but still very funny in its own right.) After about an hour, we took a break and I wound up talking to K on the phone and decided it would be a good idea to go see him for a while.

He and I helped C and S move some of their massive amount of stuff to their new digs, then K and I hung out on the porch of the SNu house for a while. We talked and I realized how very homesick I am right now. You know how it is, "oh, no, you say you do/ but you don't know what you got 'til it's gone..." That's not to say it's gone, but it's certainly not going to be around for a while. My cats are gone, and I do miss them very much. I need to decide if I want to go
home next week to help my parents move into the new place, or if I just want to wait until my birthday. I think I might just wait.

After all this hullabaloo, I had several really strange dreams last night/this morning puncuated by a long peroid of wakefulness. I'll post them in an extended entry, so you don't have to read them all if you don't want to.

The first dream started out in a carwash. I was washing my car when D came over to say hello. I greeted her and we got to talking and I found out she was engaged to marry T. I agreeed to come with her, against my own trepidation, to see their new house. Leaving my car at the car wash, D drove us to their house. When we arrived, T was busily moving and unpacking boxes. We talked for a while and I helped them get settled. It wasn't very akward, but I was full of a mix of feelings and didn't really know what to say. I stayed a while, but my car, still sitting at the car wash, needed to be moved. T offered to drive me back. He had a brand new, bright red, extended-extended cab pickup truck. (It had three rows of seats.) As we were getting in, a man I assumed to be T's father (I've never met him,) got in the truck as well in the back seat. I offered him shotgun, but he politely refused. Torn between shotgun next to T and middle seat behind him, I chose the middle seat. The drive passed in silence and I woke up. The whole dream was filled with an incrediable mix of feelings. Hurt, betrayal, longing, love... I realise how much I really do miss T and wish I was still part of his life. It's his choice to make, I suppose, so there's nothing I can do about it.

Later, when I fell back asleep, I dreamed again. The second dream was much longer. I dreamt I was myself, but a detective from California working on a serial murder case. The suspect was leading us on a goose-chase accross the country. I wound up somewhere in the midwest. I stopped at one of the crime scenes that had been covered with a large tent to pick up a piece of evidence. This piece of evidence, for some reason, I associated with the chain-maille keychain I made for myself a while back. As I was leaving, there were two people watching, so I flashed my badge and laughed at the thought of confusing them as to why a dective from CA was in the mid-west. After leaving, I met up with the rest of the team I was working with. The team was led by the M.E. from "Crossing Jordan" and consisted of several people including C, R (I think,) E and M (who didn't appear until the end.) We were being led on a sick scavenger hunt, of sorts, along a windy road through a muddy field. The clues referenced
geographical positions and were written on the back of credit-card-like cards (which I didn't realize until I woke up were the victim's ID cards.) We were all very frustrated by the fact that we had to play this sicko's game. We found a few clues, and then the clue that we knew led us to the final location: this guy and the bodies of his victims. A select few of us returned to camp to re-group and prepare for what we knew would be a dangerous mission. I knew/had visions (not sure which) that a firefight would break out. At camp, we were sitting around a table, on which sat several sub sandwiches that we were not eating. A TV was on in the background, but no one was really paying attention. Only E, M, the M.E. and I were part of this team. A rather loud commercial came on the TV in which two geeks were loudly professing their mutual interests and love for one another. After it was over, E said something about how he wished he could find a chick like that, to which I not-so-subtly told him that I could be that chick for him. He responded by being either really dense, or shooting me down. We went on like this for a while before we got yelled at to get back to work. Setting it aside, we focused on what we needed to be doing while M laughed at us in the background. As we were preparing to go (something involving a car that would explode on cue, I don't remember much about that,) I woke up. The strangest part of this dream was the feeling that I knew what was going to happen. I expected almost everything, like it had all happened before or my memory had wrapped back on itself, coloring itself. But it all seemed to happen linerally...

They were both really, really strange and I don't know what I should think abouth them. I usually believe that dreams are you subconscious mind's way of telling you things and working things out, but I don't know what the second dream is trying to tell me. *sigh*

Posted by drlynn at 14:56 | Comments (2)

25.09.2003

enh

Situation normal. Tired. Contemplating purple hair. Maybe I should go to bed.

Posted by drlynn at 20:41

23.09.2003

buzzz

Psst. Come over here. shhh! I have to tell you something. The bees are taking over. They're doing it quietly. Quickly. First it's my lunch, then yours then... Nothing can stand in their way, I tell you! Nothing!

*ahem*

I'm back at Knox. Day spent trying to catch up with the pace of Knox again. It's amazing how just a few days out of it can really throw you off. I didn't even remember what day of the week it was for most of the day. I've ended this day by making a list of several errands that I need to take care of tomorrow. It's a shame all of them involve spending money.

I finally got my Voltaire book for history. Shame I don't need it anymore. *grumble*

I'm very happy that I was able to talk to P for an extended peroid of time today. It reminded me how much I miss him. We're hoping to get together sometime in the fairly near future.

I've gotten the pictures off the camera. I have yet to rename any of them. There are a bunch of interesting ones hosted now at href="http://students.knox.edu/clynn/housefire/">http://students.knox.edu/clynn/
housefire/. This is a temporary location until I can get them elsewhere where I don't have a quota :P The first part are of the upstairs and the second of the basement. Note the complete and totall charring of the ceiling joists... I picked a few of the more emotional/interesting ones to submit to Catch (in B&W) for the hell of it. I like them. Maybe they'll get in? We'll see.

I've started reading the Tao Teh Ching. I remember being attracted to the bits we read in Kiely's class junoir year, so I want to read it in its entirety. Anyway. I'm absolutely exhausted, so I think it's time to get ready for bed.

Posted by drlynn at 23:44 | Comments (3)

21.09.2003

$17,518

Total estimate so far of goods/items we've thrown out because they were ruined.
Note this does not include any furniture, clothes, or appliances.

Blows me away. Just thought I'd share.

"I just realized something today; nursing school is hard!" -Melissa
Lemorie

Posted by drlynn at 23:23 | Comments (1)

more of the same

Today was more of the same. I am staying through tomorrow. Tomorrow the
contractor, inspector and adjuster are coming. It looks to be a busy day and I have yet to go through the stuff in my room. That's on the list for tomorrow.

My new monitor (Acer AL715 17" LCD display) is INCREDIABLY sexy. Like, as sexy as hardware gets, sexy. You bet.

*big goofy grin*

Posted by drlynn at 20:48 | Comments (1)

20.09.2003

boy do I smell

An extended update on happenings in the Lynn household.

Initially, it smelled like toasted marshmallows. I almost liked it. Now the acrid smell of the melted plastics is seeped into our clothes, the car, the hotel room. It's one of those things that you don't notice after a while, but once you leave it for a little bit....

Everything's boxed up. It looks like we're moving. In essence, we are. Currently, we're residing in a hotel, two weeks from now we're moving to a fairly nice duplex that will be home for at least 6 months until they can finish the repairs on the house. Almost all of our stuff (except for the furniture) has been boxed. What remains is stuff that the cleaning company didn't think that they could clean/repair or that would be cheaper to replace than repair. We're left with with the task of sorting through it, keeping an inventory, and throwing out all that we don't want to keep in the (very) large green dumpster that's recently appeared in our driveway.

Today was spent counting and photographing pillows and flower arrangements (none of which can be cleaned; they would always reek of burning plastics.) Additionally, I walked through the house and photographed just about everything in sight. In total, I took about 200 pictures. I have 60 left for tomorrow. I might have to buy another memory card.

The fire climbed through one of the load-bearing walls of the house. It ate up the pocket doors (pictures of which will be forth-coming) and licked its way just about everywhere. The joists supporting the dining, living and office rooms have been completely charred. They look like something that you would pull out of a campfire. All of the ceiling/floor structure will have to be torn out and rebuilt. Almost of the wiring in the house will have to be re-done. It's all melted. The plaster is cracked. The wood in the house has soaked up the smoke. It will all have to be cleaned using ozone.

Almost nothing in the basement is recognizable.

It has been a hard day. Good, because I can finally contribute something, but hard. I had to throw out 5 years of dried flowers and roses. The corsage from Winter Formal 2000, the Twelfth Night roses, all the red roses I've ever gotten (more or less.) Actually, I'm hoping I can save some of them. We're going to air them out well and see what happens. All of my stuffed animals might be ruined. I'm going to air them out too. Other than that, most of my stuff is thankfully alright. Very little has been damaged by the smoke, just dirtied. Very dirty.

It's amazing, really. The smoke gets everywhere. You open drawers upstairs and it puffs out. There's a layer of black on everything. EVERYTHING. The washer and dryer, two floors away from the fire, are ruined. The smoke permiated the plastic. Next week a company that specializes in electronics is going to inspect the computers and appliances and tell us what can and cannot be salvaged.

A lot of good will eventually be coming out of this, though. Already, I've discovered the hotel's free wireless. This is a good thing. The entire house is going to get a good scrubbing and much will be re-wallpapered/painted. We get new matresses (can't be cleaned,) some new furniture, flooring and appliances. Mom gets to buy more flowers and make more pillows and lampshades. It's going to take a while, but it will be OK.

I was finally able to mourn my cats today. They're buried in our woods. A small cat monument marks the spot. We've spread seeds so hopefully some flowers will grow. I feel much better now, being able to say thank you and goodbye.

I don't think I'm going to go back to Knox tomorrow. I'm probably going to wait until tuesday. It depends on how much stuff we can get done tomorrow.

For now, I need to sleep. I took a good swim in the pool this evening (in a t-shirt and shorts we bought at walmart this evening) and I'm ready for bed.
Goodnight, all.

Posted by drlynn at 23:37 | Comments (3)

19.09.2003

update to update

First of all, I want to comment on just how amazing people are. Thank you, all
of you, for your support.

I'm going home this weekend to take pictures and inventory things and see the
family. Got out of classes and work. (Most responses were along the lines of
"Are you nuts? Go home!) Being there will help me feel better.

Besides, there's a lot of up to this. I get to see my brother's football game. I
get to pick up my new monitor. Our entire house is getting cleaned. We get some
new stuff. In the end, things will be OK.

On another note, I finished (finally) the book I was reading (A Man for All
Seasons,) re-affirming my desire to work on the design for a production of this
play. Maybe next year...

I slept this afternoon. Not a good idea. Now I'm going to be up half the night.
Ah well, my room needs a good cleaning anyway. For now, I end with a quote (Don-
style:)

"Technology friggin rocks." - Will

Yes. Yes is does.

Posted by drlynn at 00:40

18.09.2003

update....

For those of you who don't know, I found out late last night that there was a
fire in my house Tuesday night. It started in the wiring in the basement.
Everyone in my family is fine. Mom was at work and Dad and Spence were up and
around. The fire gutted our basement and the smoke damaged and dirtied most of
the rest of the house. The smoke overcame my cats and our birds.

Our neighbors and friends have been great. Very helpful and understanding.

I'm going home this weekend to help clean up and inventory what was
damaged/destroyed. Until then, I'm walking around in a sort of daze. This is not
something you ever think is going to happen to you. And honestly, I'm devistated
by the loss of my Jolie, Dexter and Neo. There's a hole now that's not going to
be filled for a long time.

I apologize if I'm not in the best of sprits, or if I zone out while talking to
you. Please understand.

Posted by drlynn at 13:59

17.09.2003

a bad joke for a crappy day:

A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and an attractive young waitress comes for his order. He gives her a smile and says, "I want a quickie."
She turns red in the face and ahems, "Sir, I don't know what kind of restaurant you're used to eating in, but I can assure you you're not going to get a quickie here!"
"How disappointing," the man replied. "Could you ask the chef to make an exception?"
"He doesn't have anything to do with it!" says the waitress indignantly.
"Hmmm," do you know anywhere around here where I could get a quickie?"
"I'm SURE I don't know," answers the waitress loudly.

A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on the shoulder, "I think it's pronounced keesh."

I love the "blockquote" tag.

Today was a pretty crappy day. I'm not one for getting upset about getting the rug pulled out from underneith me, but SHEESH. I'm just glad I found out now and not, like, 8 weeks from now. I'm going to go through with most of it anyway. I have suspicions that this won't go nearly as far nearly as fast as they think it will and it really does need to happen soon. (If that's not cryptic enough for you, email me.)

In other news, I feel like scuzz because I can't pick up nearly as many hours in the shop as I want and we need. *sigh* I'm just glad that my schedule is really flexible and that I can be there when needed. Boy that was... a potential nightmare.

Danielle still has some of my stuff from last year. Oops. I should get that from her soon. I kinda need those pants.... Hey, when I get that stuff back from her, I will have more cat-5 than I know what to do with! (One each: 3', 7',25' and 50') Wow. I am SUCH a dork.

I really shouldn't say today was "crappy" just... the second half. I did score major points with my history prof this morning. I guess I was the only person in my class actually proud enough of my "thesis paragraph" to read it aloud. It was long... I think that's something I can blame on Kiely. At least I can write (fairly) decently. *beams*

Anyway. Common Ground tonight. I actually have a reason to go this year. *silly grin* It'll be fun.

Shit. I just realized that I forgot to register to vote this year. Damn. I really need to get on that so I can vote in primaries. (Go href="http://www.deanforamerica.com/">Dean!)

Posted by drlynn at 19:54 | Comments (1)

*insert title here*

One reason to love America: href="http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,510054502,00.html">http://deseretnew
s.com/dn/view/0,1249,510054502,00.html

Ok, so Independent Study stuff is due tomorrow. Yeah. Not done yet. Will do.

So yesterday, I was called "the quinessestial techie" and several other, very
flattering compliments. Wow. Blew me away. I've been asked to do the lighting
design for a friend's senior project (next year) already. I feel really honored.
I just hope I can live up the this reputation.... (yeah, but will my mad tech
skills write this stupid response paper? no! ah well... )

I had a really interesting discussion with href="http://www.polyglut.net">Chris this evening (read: bitch session) that
got me thinking a lot about my involvement/non-involvement in student computing
issues. It's hard for me, being on both sides of the line so often. As a staff
member, I'm dealing with the overload and massiveness of the situation, but as a
student I'm dealing with the frustration when things stay archaic or don't get
fixed or what have you. Specifically I'm talking about the IMSA computing
situation, but I have tried to work to change things and it didn't get very far
and people didn't seem to be open to the idea of negotiation so I've more or
less given up there. A lot of time and energy was being wasted not getting
anything but bitching accomplished. It's sad really. I'm trying to stay involved
through the notesfile community. Hopefully I can step foward again when it looks
like things might get moving again. More relevant, of course, are Knox issues,
the least of which being monitary in nature. We're going to see what we can do.
Don't really feel like discussing more here.

For now, I'm just glad my 'net connection is (mostly) functioning again. It
really is a bitch not being able to read 'blogs from the comfort of my room. :P

Today my fish was sleeping (I think...) with his head buried in the rocks. Like,
"ass in the air," it was really strange to look at. If he does it again, I'll
have to take a picture.

Speaking of pictures.... I need to remember to take some pictures of my swanky
digs </sarcasm> so that ya'll can be jealous. (God, I've spent too much of
my life with people from southern illinois... I'm starting to talk like one. I
need to spend more time with Ferguson to pick up that "sophisticated" British
lit of his. )

ANYWAY, It's almost two and I still have reading to do. Goodnight, all.

Posted by drlynn at 01:57

15.09.2003

ahhhh

While I wasn't as productive as I'd hoped, I did have a couple of nice
conversations and I got to *gasp* read the paper for a bit today and enjoy
*gasp* natural sunlight. 'twas nice.

Too many meetings this week. Such is life, I suppose.

Posted by drlynn at 23:55

14.09.2003

Cognito ergo Sum

I really like being able to read and understand Descartes. Thank you Dr. Kiely.

"In [the Algebra of the moderns,] there is so complete a subjection to certain rules and formulas, that there results an art full of confusions and obscurity calculated to embarrass, instead of a science fitted to cultivate the mind. " Descartes, On Method

Yay for being productive this evening and yay for unexpected emails.

To do tomorrow:
turn in green sheet so I can get paid
go to post office to mail key
order monitor
finish drawing assignment
read Locke

Definitely do-able.

Posted by drlynn at 23:43 | Comments (3)

walking on fucking air

OK. I'm happy now.

Posted by drlynn at 15:28

D'oh!

Alarms work a lot better when you turn them on. Oops.

Posted by drlynn at 11:04

Strawberry Fields Forever

I finally got a hair cut! (Actually, I got more than one cut... :P) No more
split ends. It's also been dyed a more strawberry blonde to even out my colour
where it had been dark and faded vs. the roots that have been growing in. I know
it's silly to ramble on about this, but it makes me feel better; i feel like
less of a.... weirdo now. I suppose.

We watched Robin Williams Live on Broadway this evening, reminding me,
yet again, why I love it so much. It was nice hanging out with people.

Now, to bed. Tomorrow, more work.

Posted by drlynn at 01:41

12.09.2003

Frustration

So, I'm having trouble maintaining a net connection in my room. I'm not
receiving packets. :( I know it's not XP because I can maintain a wireless
connection in the Giz and I'm pretty sure it's not my card because it was
functioning just fine a few weeks ago, so the only thing left is the wiring. I
must investigate futher before I make a pest of myself, but I'm too sick of it
right now to deal with it. That's what wireless if for, afterall.

Note to self: add wireless card to CDW order...

Posted by drlynn at 17:21

11.09.2003

Walking on the sun....

Alright. First day back. Boy, did I have first day jitters today. Probably had
something to do with being the TA for Craig (Choma's) class. Glad that's over.
It looks like it'll be a fun class. I do feel guilty about being unable to be at
the labs. Craig and I had discussed this earlier this year (around registration
time) but he must have forgotten... ieee.... I don't really need the art credit
right now, so I can drop if necessary, but I'd rather not do that...

I found my wire caps today. This makes me *really* happy. Now I don't have to
worry about shorting out my speakers...

I really am glad to be back. It was really nice going to pump-handle and
convocation. The number of new faces is amazing! (hi, Don :)

Being the massive dork that I am, I've started looking at the course catalog and
thinking about what classes I want to take for the rest of the year. It occurs
to me that I probably should only take rep term for 2 credits, but
philosophically I don't like this idea. If I'm to go through with the CS minor
as planned, I really do need to take CS142 this year and that leaves me only two
years to do most of my major and almost all of my minor, and that doesn't even
count the CS classes that aren't part of the minor that I should/would like to
take. Then there's the fact that not all the drama classes are offered every
year and... *sigh* Probably something I should discuss with Craig.

I still need to finish my Independant study registration. Wheee!

Posted by drlynn at 17:56

10.09.2003

Why is no one on AIM? It's only 5:30...

Another wasted day that I wouldn't have spent any other way.
And:

WHY WON'T HE EMAIL ME???????

Ok. I'm not done now....

Current Mood: Wistful
Current Music: Rakhmaninov's third piano cocerto

Alright, so I don't know where all this energy came from. It must be the carb-heavy meal that I had for dinner. Today has certainly been an interesting day. I didn't get anything done really, that I wanted to get done today, but that's really OK. I also had a much better day than I would have if I'd spent it running around like a mad woman. So instead I ran around with my friends like a mad woman. Fun and worth the energy :D

After spending much of the morning and afternoon withdrawling from the "summer's over and your huge crush seems unattainable" haze that I've been in lately, I got off my ass and helped Kyle spend money on a nice desk so that he came make his hell-hole of a room less of a hell-hole. It's... nice... now. I'm proud. We then spontaniously decided to go to Peoria for dinner. Boozy, Kyle, Justin, Tom and I piled into Boozy's car and drove around Peoria looking for a place to eat. Having never been to Peoria before, I had no clue where to go. After tossing around a few ideas (and Boozy completely missing the one actual place that was mentioned) we decided to stop at this bar/steak place in the basement of a building on main street. What a good idea. Fantastic food. Free refills. Peoria looks like a fairly decent place. I'll have to go back when I have more time to explore what it has to offer.

Afterwards, (after assembling his room,) Kyle and I wound up hanging out with with Chris, and Sue for a while, I met Adrainne (sp?) recently back from Japan. Very cool, hope to get to know her better. After a futile search for alcohol, Boozy and I wound up in Post X, hanging out. I found out about how Dana's summer went (OH MY GOD... ) we watched _Best in Show_ and I was reminded of ANOTHER unattainable crush (*sigh* why does this happen to me??) and we generally had a good time talking about sex and giving Chris good tips in the process. Yeah. Anyway....

I still haven't seen Leanne yet :(

I'm going to go to bed now because it's almost six and I have a lot to do tomorrow. Shit. I still have to read _Arcadia_.... Well, not tonight I don't!

Posted by drlynn at 05:58 | Comments (1)

9.09.2003

finally!

So I'm back. Yeah. Thoughts on summer and summer's ending...

Current Music: "An American in Paris" by Gershwin; previously Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Alright, so I'm all moved in. Makes for a happy Chelsea, this does. I love my new desk, so very swanky. Worlds better than the crappy desk that was here before. I just have to remember to put a sign on the desk that's currently sitting in the suite lounge...

Suites. Heh. I'm going into tomorrow with no small bit of trepidation. As far as I know, I know no one in my suite. (Wow, that sentence would make so much more sense in French... ) At least, I don't know any of them /now/, hopefully we'll get along OK. If not, I just close my door and be by myself. I am REALLY going to like this single stuff. I can tell already.

I am excited to see people again. It's been too long for some, not long enough for others, but then again, never would be too soon. :P I really enjoyed this summer, though... Working at Raue was really quite a treat. It's refreshing to work with people who take things at least semi-seriously :P In all honestly, though, Mike, Erin and the guys are fantastic and I really look forward to working with them in Nov/Dec and perhaps next summer? (There's always wishful thinking!)

Working at IMSA certainly was an eye-opening experience. I had always thought that I was tolerant and understanding to the plight of the over-worked tech support, but I never knew. I have a whole new appreciation for helpdesk@imsa.edu - Do I want to go back? Yeah. The money's good and the people fun (with occasional, tolerable, exception of course.) I just hope the money's there that I can pick up a few hours in December. That really would be great for the bank
account.

I suppose I would have liked to have had more of a real "summer" but I guess it's becoming less and less feasiable as I enter The Real World (tm) *sigh*

I'll deal.

Tomorrow I get back into the swing of things. I just hope I don't wake up at 7AM again. At least let me sleep in *one day?*

I really should be getting this thing looking... personalized. Yeah. That too.

Maybe as CSS practice! mwahhahaha!

Ok. I'm done now. Bedtime.

Posted by drlynn at 00:47 | Comments (1)